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Also.. (TW) I've felt a similar way with being alone where I decided I was going to be a robot and I didn't need anyone and I felt quite free and happy. I sort of felt like I had more control and like it was my choice to be alone? So I think I kind of get where you're coming from? Anyway it felt good at the time... Not sure if it brought me 'closer to my goals' (as they say in therapy) but yeah I guess it protected me from some shitty feelings?