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I can see how that'd make you feel like you're in a catch-22, @Saltwaterdreamtime .  You've had times with and without medication where you've been doing alright for yourself, but you've struggled both with and without it too. Doesn't make it easy to weigh it all up! Everyone has their own struggles, and I think that for a lot of them there's nothing that's going to solve them 100% of the time. It doesn't mean there's nothing that can get you through this though, and I think that looking back on things that you've tried in the past is a good way to find something that will - like you're doing now 😄

I reckon @Janine-RO 's suggestion to talk to your GP about how you're going and whether meds might help is a great idea. If nothing else it'll at least give you a professional opinion to consider on something you're unsure about.