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Ah that's cool! Is your mum from an African background too? And yeah, it does suck. Like I understand attachment theories and stuff and that it can be healthy and they have a purpose but I feel like mine really are not healthy because they affect my everyday life and me as a person. It's just frustrating because I do try so hard not to get attached but I just cannot help it. But then I also go to the flip side and push people away like crazy lol Can't win. I'm a complete mess when it comes to trying to form stable relationships with people. Like funnily enough they often don't know it's going on because I hide it so well and it only becomes super obvious when I cut them out for good 😂 But most of the time I just internalise it all so they can't see it or know how I'm feeling. I do wish some of your feelings to not need to attach to people would rub off on me!! Maybe not the being scared people are trying to kill you thing cause I feel like I wouldn't be as strong as you to deal with that! But if I could learn to just see people as people and not attachment figures that would be great! Haha I love your random book idea! I do write about them in my journal a bit, like not just my psychs but just about people I have been/am attached too cause I feel like such a creep and need to let it out somehow but I also get so scared someone is going to find it. Like I know this is probably a little ridiculous and just me being paranoid but I am so scared someone is going to think I'm a crazy stalker or paedophile or something because I feel like my attachment just really isn't normal. Like I don't go standing outside people's houses staring through their windows and I don't follow my psych home or anything lol But I just feel really pathetic and weird for wanting to be close to them and know more about them? Idk. I just feel like I'm someone that has to be close to the people in my life or not have them in my life at all if that makes sense? And I'm so scared of losing people so whoever does come into my life that I attach myself to I need them to stick around forever unless it's me who ends it. Even then I don't cope 😂 Anyway, I feel like we have certainly established how messed up I am tonight with all this shit and I'm so sorry for chewing your ear off about it. I've just never actually openly talking about some of that that THANK YOU so much for just listening and letting me ramble!!!