Okay I know this isn't a game but I am trying to respond to them and well I accidentally clicked on the feed button instead of spaces and now I feel like I've been triggered again and yeah. I don't know why and I'm so scared to talk about it on here because I don't want people to think I'm a freak and need to be removed from the community because I'm too attached but ugh. Fuck me. Now I'm tearing up and ugh. I just hate being such an attached baby. I feel so pathetic and like this shit shouldn't affect me like it does but it does and I don't know why. I wish it didn't but yeah. I guess maybe even moreso now because I feel like you guys are all I have. Idk. Actually maybe I will morse code some shit on here so then not everyone will know what I'm saying cause I just feel like an absolute freak and really don't want to freak the staff out on here but yeah. Okay I'm gonna try that. Lets see how this goes..
Basically I just saw the thread about someone leaving and it was like my whole body just stopped. I feel so pathetic and am literally holding back tears right now. Idk. I just feel like everyone is leaving me. And now I am so scared that other people are also going to leave. Especially one staff member because she seems to really get me like you do. Or at least trys her best and well idk. Now the tears are starting ugh. I just feel so fucking alone and like I have no one and everyone I do have is leaving. I know how pathetic it is but I can't help it and I don't even know why I'm getting so worked up over this. Seriously. Why can't I just be normal!?!?!?! For some reason I've also been feeling sort of angry towards some people lately and I don't even know why. Idk. Maybe it's cause I'm trying to push everyone and everything away and when it works I get angry or something? I really don't know. I don't know wtf is going on with me but yeah. I just feel really triggered after reading that post and don't know why. Like kind of know why but shouldn't? Idk. Sorry. I just wish I hadn't have read it. Especially today. Anyway I just needed to tell someone and well, you seem to understand attachment and you responded to it so saw it and yeah. Do you ever feel the same with the staff on here? I just feel like a freak and like I shouldn't be getting upset over this because I don't deserve their help and support anyway and I know they only do it cause it's their job like my psych did and they don't actually care and ugh. Sorry. If people are reading this the staff on here are incredible and go absolutely above and beyond to help us and make sure we are safe, I just yeah. I'm a mess and just feeling nevermind. I'm going to stop because this isn't good. Also, the stuff I put into code is totally safe and all that, doesn't cross any guidelines or anything, I just don't feel comfortable saying peoples names on here so yeah. Sorry. And sorry I'm so messed up. I promise I try not to be.
