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I'm so sorry to hear this @Saltwaterdreamtime I can imagine this must be very distressing for you, especially feeling like you are incapable of doing anything decent. Please know that you are not alone in this and we are always here to support you.

Reading through your thread, it sounds like there is a lot going on at the moment. That is a lot to be sitting with, and I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this at the moment. 

I am wondering what kind of supports you have around you right now. Is there a trusted friend or health professional that you might feel comfortable talking to?