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I'm so sorry to hear that you have thoughts about taking your life @charlotte_ashley 
We care about you and I'd love to check in about whether you're safe right now?
Does anyone close to you know about your thoughts? Is there anyone you feel able to talk to? (eg. a counsellor or trusted adult)
Kids helpline offer a free 24/7 counselling service, so if you need someone to talk to, they are always available.

It sounds like things can be really tough, but you also sound like you have so much strength and courage.
I'm wondering what things you love to do or what brings you joy?