Hi @MB95 ,
I feel you, I am sorry to hear it has been such a struggle. But I feel like you shouldn't have to harm yourself to help others. Always, always, always put yourself before your client. This may sound selfish, but through helping yourself, you can further help others. Self-care and recognising how difficult this work...is so key from my experience.
What supports are you receiving at the moment? Have you been able to discuss this at all with a supervisor?
I found if I spend too much time ruminating about what I could do differently, or feeling like I need to sacrifice myself for the client, it always leads to worse outcomes. Healthy boundaries about what client population I can engage with, and where my comfort levels are means I can work well with people that I can help.
Where do you feel your boundaries are with your studies at the moment?
Capacity to provide space isn't a static property, it's fluid. Somedays can be awful, some weeks can be hard, some years can be difficult. Your capacity for work will change with time. Sometimes I've been able to handle anything without pause. Other times, I can barely think if a client raises their voice at me during a session. This means I've changed roles or taken on less work when things are difficult and I am not coping well and I am okay with that.
What do you think you can change about your current studies that will allow you to work at the capacity you are comfortable with?
I hope this is helpful and I'm not dumping too many questions on you.
