Aww lost ❤ It sounds like there is a hell of a lot going on for you right now and you're finding it difficult to work out where you stand in friendships? I am hearing you. They can be so damn hard to navigate and understand. I'm sorry you're feeling so angry, scared and confused I can't imagine that is a pleasant feeling and I understand how hard it can be to trust someone if you feel like they are playing mind games. Do you want to talk about what is making you feel like they are playing mind games? Like is there something specific that has happened or things they are doing to make you feel this way? I'm really sorry you're feeling this way cause I know it's not a nice place to be. You are in absolutely no way selfish and I know this may not be what you want to hear right now but I am sure your newest friend isn't just talking to you because they feel sorry for you. Although I can 200% relate to that feeling so I am not going to push it because I respect you may not want to be hearing that right now? But I do want to give you a couple reasons he/she may be talking to you.. because you are amazing, you are caring, you are thoughtful, you are compassionate, you are funny, you are fun to hang out with, you are kind and honestly I could continue on here for days. But I just wanted to remind you of a few reasons why people would genuinely ENJOY talking to you. This friend you are talking to that you said you'd never talk to again, is he/she the same person from a good while back that you met during group or something from memory? Try not to beat yourself up about it and feel guilty, I know it's hard but sometimes when we are feeling really lonely we do just need to turn to someone and quite often will turn to anyone who is willing to respond whether they be good or bad for us. So you are not being selfish, I think maybe you're just trying to find connection to avoid the dark demon of lonliness? Cause I can certainly appreciate how unpleasant and scary it can be. So I don't think you're being selfish. I just think you're trying to survive and not feel alone? Idk. What are your thoughts?
I just read the spoiler part. Sorry I read and reply as I go cause I find it easier. That way you get my true authentic reaction and rambles too 😂 lucky you!
I am going to be completely honest with you here and just let you know body image is not exactly a good thing for me to talk about but I'm going to try. I just want to apologise in advance because its also something I have struggled with since I was young and I find it extremely difficult to say anything nice about my body which also makes it really hard for me to give advice because I honestly wouldn't know how to encourage someone to feel good about their body. So I'm really sorry.
I do want to say one thing though and that's that if someone is judging you by what you look like then they are an absolute low life and you don't need them in your life anyway. I know that's not really how body image stuff works but it just makes me really sad to hear you're feeling this way. Honestly, you are such a beautiful person. Like your soul is just beautiful and I have no doubts that that shines through to the outside world too. And even if you happen to look like fiona from shrek (which i obviously do NOT think) she was still capable of love and being loved!! Idk. I know for me I couldnt give two shits what you look like, it's what's inside that truly matters and I know hearing this probs makes you wanna puke and I'm sorry I just really do hope that someday you're able to see yourself for the incredible person that you are ❤ I know it's SO MUCH easier said than done and this shit doesn't just go away. Heck I've been struggling with it for well over 10yrs now and still can't look at myself in a mirror so I do get it. I just really do hope that one day you are able to see yourself for they way we all see you and for what actually matters. Looks mean shit!! We just have to figure out how to get our dumb brains to believe it about ourselves hey? Not an easy task! 🤦♀️
I'm worried about you baby sloth. It really sounds like you're in a dark place right now and feeling like there isn't a point is rather concerning. I am glad you mentioned you're safe but I also understand way too well that that does not take away the pain you're feeling. I'm quietly relieved to hear you don't have the motivation to act on anything but again, can appreciate how sometimes that can just amplify your feelings. Do you feel like you're going to be able to get some sleep tonight or do you think you're in for a long one? Is there anything I can do to help? I'm sorry I'm not much help but I am here to listen and sit with you if you need me.
You're a fighter, remember that ❤
