I'm so sorry that coming on here and trying out the Web chat didn't help. And I am really sorry that I wasn't around either. You know me and the attachment stuff lol So I do have a sneeky suspicion that maybe you were feeling let down by me too for not being around? And that's okay to feel. I get it, 100% do I get it!! And I'm sorry 💙 There is nothing worse than feeling unsupported in a time of need. It's painful and totally does leave you feeling extreme levels of worthlessness. It sounds like you tried so hard to connect and seek support but were let down instead? Or didn't quite receive the level of support you were needing? I'm sorry the chat people just told you to harm safely. Like yeah, I get that but I also feel like we are VERY alike in the way that that is literally the last alternative. So when we get there we really just need someone to genuinely care and listen and try to talk us out of it? Because it's like we know it's not good and we shouldn't, but emotionally we just well yeah. I'm gonna stop cause I don't wanna get you to have to draw two pics of us crossing guidelines 🤦♀️ But I think I am hearing you? That you just really needed someone to sit with and find out why you were wanting to harm and to actually care enough to try and talk you out of it? Rather than to just tell you to do it safely and make you feel brushed off and like you didn't matter? (Again, tell me if I'm wrong!!). It just sounds like a LOT of your needs were not being met? By both your mum and also external supports?
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<span;>I'm glad you are safe, but I also appreciate that safe certainly does not mean okay. Honestly, I don't even know what the word safe means anymore these days. I feel like it's just a word we use to make people think we are okay and anyway shutting up now. But I just want to acknowledge that I understand it does not mean you are okay. So I'm just wondering if there is something we can do to help in any way? I tried to answer some games threads just before in case that would help you out with a means of distraction? Idk, totally get it if you're not up for it though, it was a push to get my ass to do it, let me tell you 😂 But it was kinda fun once I started. Took my mind off things! Did you get around to re-booking your psych appointment at all? Or are we still in 'shut down leave me alone I never want to talk to you again' mode? (People reading this, this is not intended to sound mean - it's in a jokey tone, lost will understand.. or at least I hope you do? If not then I REALLLLYYYY need to find me some new wise mumma sloth attire!!). If you haven't re-booked, do you think it might be a good idea? Or maybe scheduling in a call with your counsellor? It just sounds like you could really do with someone to talk to 'in person'? Cause although your meltdown was totally valid and normal for what you were experiencing, it does sound like there is a whole lot of emotion sitting right there ready to burst the moment anyone pokes? And I'm wondering if maybe they might be able to help you navigate through some of it a little so your cup isn't as full? Idk. Feel free to shoot me down with the suggestion cause we both know where my heads at with professional support atm. (Although just quietly, I feel like nana sloth is making some progress.. maybe.. not sure yet but she is trying her best. She was defeated the other day and well yeah we dont need the whole back story🙃 but maybeeeeee just maybe, professional supports can do some good? 😂). What do you think?
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<span;>I'm so sorry this was such a ramble! I actually feel like it's way over the word limit and I'm gonna have to post two separate posts so bare with me lol But I'm sorry you went through what you did with your mum. It sounds like it was pretty damn intense and has left you feeling quite upset about the whole thing (rightfully so!!). And I am even more sorry that you tried to reach out for help but were left feeling even more unsupported. That pain hurts and I'm sorry. ❤
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<span;>Thankyou for being open, even though I know you weren't sure about talking about it. I'm so glad you did and I hope my nonsense rambles have helped in some way, shape or form. Just remember that what you are feeling IS VALID. Okay? You don't need to down play it here and try blown it off as you 'misunderstanding' a situation. What you feel is what you feel. We all know you well enough on here to know you are NOT a bad person and that NONE of this is 'in your head'. We are hearing you. Feel what you need to feel. 💙
