Hi guys,
I've never posted anything like this before but I'm having a really tough time dealing with this situation so I thought I'd put it into writing and share.
2 weeks ago I found out my partner of 2 years had been cheating on me - and I don't mean a drunken 1 night stand, but she had been dating a whole other person for 4 months. Our relationship had always been relatively independent so it wasn't strange that we might only see each other 2-3 times a week, I'd often spend either Friday or Saturday with my friends and she with hers (or so I thought), turns out she was seeing him 1-2 times a week instead.
The last 2 weeks have been life-shattering, going through the details of how, why, when, and every detail of every time she chose to betray me.
A big part of me feels absolutely shameful that I'm still with her, that I haven't walked away from someone who could cause me so much hurt - but truth be told I still love her deeply.
Prior to this coming out, I was completely confident that she was the person I'd spend my life with, I had already planned how I'd propose and I didn't have a doubt in my mind - these feelings don't just disappear overnight.
I am still together with her and we are trying to make things work - she has cut off all communication with him, allowed me complete transparency into her phone/whereabouts, all the things which I HATE having to know, but I am so anxious if I don't.
We're going to therapy - we've gone twice together but we're seeing him separately next week. I always walk out of therapy feeling a little better but It's short lived and I get back in my head soon after.
The biggest obstacle right now is finding a way to stop thinking about it - and not just stop thinking about the fact that she cheated on me - but reliving every detail and every lie as if I was there watching... Being intimate with her and the whole time in my mind just seeing her doing that same thing with him. After 2 weeks I can confidently say that it has gotten a little better, but I just wish I could switch that part of my brain off that goes through everything she did to me over and over.
I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve from the responses her but it does feel good to just get my thoughts out.
Looking forward to any responses, thank you all.
