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I'm sorry you were getting scared last night and that you didn't get much sleep. That's good your appointment went well though, or as well as these things can go. Sorry I don't have much to offer right now. I am thinking of you though and here to listen. I think lost is right about there sometimes not being any words for any of this and just writing random shit is progress. See how you feel about it. You obviously don't have to do it but sometimes I find it can help. Idk.