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I am sorry you are feeling so alone and hopeless at the moment. goodbyes can be really hard and super upsetting especially when you have issues with healthy attatchments to people. do you think maybe as a thing to think about in the long run that maybe making more irl friends would be a good idea? like just having more long term connections that arent work based or from a treatment provider just people who can love and support you? idk might be a bad idea i am not sure. 

the other thing i wanted to ask was do you think taking some time off uni to focus on your mental health might be a good idea? i know you must get sick of people suggesting it but if i remember correctly you had BPD?? i might be wrong anyway if that is the case do you think looking into a good DBT program might be useful? i have done DBT and it has some really good stuff in there to help with relationships and cultivating healthy ones that can last. anyway it is just a thought. if you need to vent more we are here.

also if you are in crisis do try and use the crisis services you are most comfortable with i know it can be scary but sometimes it is just something we have to do for survival.