I don't really know where to start or how to go about this. But I think denial is definitely the right word for all of this @Lost_Space_Explorer5. Idk about you but none of this feels real and maybe that's because I'm not letting myself think it's real? Idk. I am just very lost and confused and wish this wasn't happening but it is and I don't quite know how to deal with it. I tried to do a post and find the words but idk how good it is so I'm sorry if it's shitty and not what you were hoping for. I tried my best but tapping into emotions right now is not easy, nor is it a good idea.
I get not wanting to have the last words. That makes total sense so if you would like I am happy for this to be our last response. Although happy certainly is NOT the word for it. But you get what I mean yeah? I just want you to be okay and do what is going to help you most with this so if you can't reply and want to leave it here then please do. I will try to make sure I don't respond with any questions or anything to make it easier for you okay? ❤
I don't really know how to put any of this into words and I feel like maybe part of you is hoping and thinking I am going to join the other forum? Honestly, part of me was hoping and thinking that too but I just want to be completely honest with you that I really don't know if I can put myself through any of this again. I know you guys said the rules are a bit different over there with aging out and stuff but yeah idk. I just guess this whole process has really not been good for me and I am just really scared of it happening again because I can't lose you both a second time. Idk. I hope that makes sense. I just feel very weird about it all at the moment and I just really don't want you to get your hopes up and then for me to let you down. I also just realised I asked a question up there but it was like a rhetorical question so there is no need to reply okay. But anyway. If I am being completely honest another reason why I'm not sure I can go on another forum is because a) i am so scared that someone will notice me because its more for people my age and what if I know someone there? And b) I would only be going on there to talk to you and Eden and I feel like that is really not fair on either of you because I feel like I am just burdening you both with my problems and yeah anyway. I know you probably won't be happy at me for saying that but it's just how I feel. As hard as this is I think if I just jump onto another forum now then I am going to keep relying on you both for support and not actually helping myself if that makes any sense? Idk. I am somewhat hoping that if I don't go on a forum then I will be forced to reach out to some sort of support because I will literally have no one and we've clearly learnt I cant exactly do this on my own anymore. Idk. We'll see what happens. I am not saying no but I also don't want to say yes and then not be able to show up for you. Things just are not good for me right now and it's not fair on you or Eden that I rely on you for support and I really am sorry that I've let it go on for so long. I think leaving is making me realise that. I really have been too much on here and I'm so sorry. Maybe in a month or so I will try a new forum. Idk. We will see what happens. I just know that I need to try and take responsibility for myself right now because I feel like I am just making things worse for you guys and I don't want to carry that over onto another forum. I hope this is kinda making sense. Every part of me does just want to jump on there so I don't lose you both but I also cant keep being a burden to you guys and I need to try and do some of this on my own so yeah. I hope you can understand. I promise though that if I do go on there that you will be able to find me easily. I don't know what your user name is obviously but just keep an eye out for a mumma sloth swinging round the threads.. particularly Eden's and I'm sure we'll find eachother lol Hint hint! Anyway I just wanted to try and explain some of why I am scared to go on there right now. I really hope that's okay and I haven't upset you. 😔
Please don't get dementia! Lol I have seen quite a lot of that on my uni thing recently and it SUCKS!! I will NEVER forget you!! Even if I get dementia and try i won't be able to because there's gonna be sloth wallpapers, picture frames and mugs all around the old mumma sloths home 😂😂😂 No but seriously. I am going to print off your beautiful drawings and stick them in this book of 'reasons to live' that i have been thinking of making to help me when I'm not good and I feel like I am going to need that book more than ever right now so I better start making them damn thing hey?! 😂
Thank you for being you and being the one person on this goddam earth that just gets me and can relate!! I have loved being able to share cringy attachment stories with you and not feel judged. OMG okay, ya want a little parting story to make you laugh? My supervisor wrote me some random fucking to do lists that I found just before amongst my shit and I cannot bring myself to throw them out because I feel like it's all I have left of her 😂😂😂 How fucking pathetic is that?! But like seriously. Anyone tries to throw them out and I'll punch them ahahaha I also remember when she gave them to me last week just thinking about our conversation and that I was going to struggle throwing them away ahahahaah Okay I hope that made you laugh. Just writing it out makes me feel like such a freak. It's a goddam piece of paper with writing on it and not even heartfelt writing for that matter!!! Literally just tells me what I need to get prepared for a handover 😂😂😂 Anywayyyy.. I shall leave you with that.
Thanks for my repeat prescription, although I do feel like one is not gonna be enough! Lol Man I am gonna miss our chats and randomness. Thanks for always being there and for giving me a reason to fight. I don't quite know how to end this considering I know you probably are not going to respond so this is not much fun and feels well yeah. Anyway. In the least creey way, I have a feeling I am probs gonna be checking out your thread from afar over the next few weeks because a mumma sloth has gotta make sure her baby sloth is okay before she can truly leave. So if you've got any hidden messages for me just pop them there and I may or may not see them. #creepysloth
No but seriously. Thanks for everything lost. I am going to miss you beyond words but I am so glad its me leaving and not you because it comforts me knowing that you have the whole RO community here for you. Stay safe okay. I will miss you and think of you every day. Thank you so much for the great times and the heartfelt friendship. You're one in a million. Don't ever change. ❤
