Hey @Anonymous ,
I'm so sorry to hear that you have gone through so much recently. I want to say though that you sound like an incredibly resilient, kind and compassionate person, and that definitely has meaning and makes you important and valuable. That is a lot more than some people can say, even if you feel like your actions are not genuine they still come from a place of goodness. And I really admire the way that even in a time like this in your life that you still have the strength to be grateful and to reach out for help here. You're stronger than you think and I for one am thankful that you are here 🧡
I relate to what you have said at the end, I used to feel like that when I was in a really dark place with my emotions and couldn't see myself being able to survive for long. It's such an awful feeling. I'm happy to talk about it if you want. Is there anything in your future that you really want to be around to see or achieve, that might help you to keep going just for a little bit longer? Like your favourite TV series or getting to the summer holidays? Or is there anything in your daily life that helps you make it through the day, like your family and friends?
You also have been incredibly brave opening up to your priest and here asking for help. I'm really proud that even though you've said you've lost hope, you are still trying to find a way to feel better. You mentioned that your brother got therapy and you felt like you couldn't because it was so expensive. There are some online/telephone services that are free, such as Kids Helpline and Lifeline which are there to help you in moments of crisis when you feel that you might hurt yourself, or when you just need to vent. You may also find that your school has counsellors, who will keep your information confidential unless they feel like you are in danger. Would you feel okay to open up to someone in your life?