Hi @Akinna, it sounds like there's a lot going on for you at the moment, and lots of thoughts in your mind. We're glad that you've shared them with us and hope that getting them off your chest has been at least a little bit helpful for you.
I'm sorry to hear that going out with your friends upset you. I can hear that you are comparing yourselves to others a lot, and sort of beating yourself up for feeling down or feeling nothing, which makes situations that you are cognitively enjoying unenjoyable. That must be really tough. In those moments, it might be helpful to try and focus on the enjoyment of the moment, rather than getting caught up in your own head. Accept that you are experiencing cognitive enjoyment and take a moment to really feel and become aware of that and appreciate that, instead of focusing on the fact that you are still feeling a bit flat. I know it is easier said than done, but I encourage you to give it a try and see how you go. Essentially what I am encouraging you to do is to practice mindfulness. Also try to remind yourself that feeling better won't happen suddenly, so the fact that you're out and experiencing cognitive enjoyment is a step in the right direction.
I'm really glad to hear that you are not suicidal and that you have a nice lecturer, and some really awesome friends. It's also really good that you are not avoiding things, so please remember to take a moment to tap yourself on the back for taking these small steps towards better mental health, which will all add up in the longer term.
It might also be helpful to try to remind yourself that approximately 50% of the population will experience a mental health disorder at some point in their lifetime. I'm not saying this to invalidate or minimise your experience, but to let you know that you are not alone in having mental health struggles. And even though people may appear happy on the outside, it does not always mean that they feel happy on the inside, in the same way that your friends were unaware of your increasing suicidal and depressed feelings when you were with them last time.
I hope you dont mind me giving you some suggestions.
We are here to listen and support you.
How might you be kind to yourself this weekend?
❤️
