Hi @hopeful_24 Welcome to our community and thank you for sharing with us!
I'm sorry to hear that you've been battling mental illness for so long, I can only imagine how frustrating and exhausting that must be for you. Firstly, as you mentioned that you're in a really bad place right now, I just wanted to check if you are currently safe?
You mentioned that, in terms of diagnoses, you are at treatment-resistant depression, which I'm sure must feel really scary and bring up a lot of questions. I just want to say that while things might seem hard right now, nothing is impossible. I can also see just how hard you have fought over the years and I want to say what a huge achievement that is and that you should be really proud of yourself. When things do get hard, I am wondering what you do to look after yourself? Have you been able to find something that distracts you at all?
The Greek myth of King Sisyphus is so interesting and I can definitely see how it could be related to the battles associated with a number of mental health conditions. Learning to stop rolling that boulder and instead accept sitting next to it, is such a powerful belief. You should be really proud of yourself for realising that it is not your responsibilty to roll the boulder each time. As for that little voice that rears its ugly head that tells you that you are worthless, I want to say that is most certainly not the case. You are worth so much and we all appreciate having you here with us.
If you ever feel like you want to talk to someone, Kidshelpline is a great resource and are always available for a chat. Headspace might also be worth looking into for some additional support. We also have a number of articles on depression, if you are up for a read, including a post on you peoples experiences which could be helpful.
I also want to add that I love your username and the reasons behind it! Reading through your post, I noticed just how brave and strong you are. I can see just how hard you have worked and your optimism is incredibly inspiring. Well done on reaching out, I'm sure many people will benefit from your story and appreciate your kind and hopeful words. Just remember that you're not alone and we are all here for you 💜