Hey @goldwing03 and @Natalie-RO, thanks for responding 💙. I am feeling a bit better today but I guess that's because I haven't had to go into work yet. Thanks very much for your kind words around taking time for myself - after posting I thought about something my therapist had said about taking a whole week off to have a break and a reset. I've spoken to my siblings and we're looking at organising a trip to the beach once uni ends for the year which should be really nice. If they can't come then I'm thinking of just taking it myself so I can have a break before Christmas/New Year, which I am working over. Just thinking about organising that has really helped as it gives me something to look forward to.
My manager does know a bit about how I feel, as I brought it up when I asked for the extra day off. We also have an EAP program available as well as supervision, but I don't feel as comfortable talking to either when I have my therapist. She knows me really well so it seems like a big effort to open up and I always find it hard to talk about my past experience with suicidal thoughts. But I will keep that peer chat in mind @Blake_RO as it can be easier to talk to people who have been through similar things 💜.
In terms of coping strategies - I've recently been listening to music more, specifically the Decide album by Djo. It has this message about change which really speaks to me and the songs just sound amazing. And I'm very similar @goldwing03, going out in nature is always really helpful to me! I'm going to take a walk tomorrow morning and go to my favourite tree, then next Monday I'll head to the botanical gardens near me and read. I always forget how much getting out into nature helps - it can just feel like a challenge to get there sometimes :/. Unwinding right after work can also be tricky because when I finish at midnight all I want to do is go to sleep haha! But when I work days I normally go to the gym/go for a walk which helps clear my head and I can listen to music during the exercise.
Talking to my mum always seems easier in my head than it actually is. We can both be pretty reactive so when she is upset I will get upset and start to withdraw. It's hard too because I work nights this week so probably won't have the chance to talk to her until the weekend. Actually, we normally go grocery shopping together on Saturdays, so I might ask if we could also get coffee too and take some time to talk about it. Plus being in a public spaces means that we can't be as reactive.
Thank you very much for your comments - they have really helped me think a little bit more kindly about myself, and writing this out has helped me recognise some things I can do to take care of myself now and in the future 💙.
