Ok so I don't know how to do this topic lol but I've always thourt I was bi and yeah but I think I'm a lesbian and I don't really know why but I just kinda feel sick and confused when I think that I am, but the signs are there that I am a lesbian since every time I've dated a male I've never brrn abke to stay in the relationship becuse I got to much anxyity and it mad me feel sick, but when I dated a gurl I didn't really feel any of that, and I've been questioning my gender to but idk, and again I'm not sure again if um a lesbaun since I staid it does kinda make me feel abit sick when I think about that and confused kinda, but then again I live reading BL comics (boy love) so um just so confused and aahh I don't know😅😅 ... View more

Sorry in advance to this it's very long :/   Okay so today I learned that sOmOnE in our friend group has been physically abusing my friends, I didn't know it got up to this point and I didn't know if was happening to a different friend but this is where all this stuff started, so like my friend H got a girlfriend N and she Was getting abused by N for about 3-6 months without us knowing what was happening, but thankfully H got out of it and told us everything about what was happening, and she felt so down and stuff and N sent her pictures of her self-ham and made drawings of herself hurting herself and telling her how we probably hated her and stuff, so we almost lost H as a friend but thankfully she's still our friend now(that was about near the end of last year)  and around the end of last year to the start of this year N went for another one of my best friends J and started emotionly abusing her the same way she was to H, and thankfully J new what she was doing but we still needed to talk to her about how N was a bad person (wich she hates her now bc of what she N has been doing lately)and J asked N not to sit with us bc she has other friends and she sent the messages to L and C to make it seem like she was the bad guy and N is the victim and then L got mad at J and H about it, and then there was a Minni fight, thankfully not as bad as the last fight we had and C already knew that N wasn't the victim bc J had already told C about what happened and now she is going after C so, it started as a play fighting like play punching and stuff like that until N has started to physically hurt her, I don't know to what extent but it's bad enough for C to be scared of N, N was doing the same thing she did to H when they were in a relationship, and C is starting to think like she should let it happen to her so she doesn't do it to anyone else, I only lernt about N hurting C today from J in pe today and I said we should get the school involved but we don't want the situation to escalate and we dont want then doing nothing like they did to me when ex-friends was threatening me online and I don't know what to do, I don't want my friends getting hurt and stuff but I don't know what to do  ... View more

For the last couple of days I've been wanting to Kms but I haven't yet and the feelings Are not getting any better and I've been thinking bout messaging a crises line thing but I feel as if tho what I'm feeling isn't good enough for that becuse I want to kill myself bit I know I'm not going to unless my friend give my stuff back but I hate myself as well becuse yesterday I physically harmed and threatend  both of my best friends to stay away from me (this was at school) I told them to leave me alone and I wanted to be alone and stuff but my friends didn't want me going Off bc in the last class I harmed myself without them knowing, bit anyways, they kept trying to keep me with them and when I would walk away THWY would follow me so when one of my friends J put her arm out to stop me from walking I bit her really hard and now there's a bruze on her arm and so did my other friend h when she tried to hug me, I understand they didn't want me to go off on my own but I was going to hurt them, I'm not trying to sound mean becuse I hate that I did I was just so angry with every one that I, Idk, yeah and I'm school I've been harming myself, I'm on medication but I feel like there not working bc I feel like I'm on the verge of ending my life,  I don't know who to talk to, becuse I don't want it make anyone upset and stuff, but I don't know, I don't know how to express myself in this I've deleted alot of it and Idk it's just really hard, and I'm sorry for it being so long if you even read it :p ... View more

Heyoo I just made this bc I was bored and wanted to talk to peole ... View more

there are lots of different topics in here I'm so sorry this is sooo long but if you read it then cool and if you don't cool ok so im bad at saying my feelings but here I go I guess. I've gotten really bad over the past weeks and no ones noticed, I don't know what brought this back on but the worst thing is I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I've made myself to stop and think about self harming and ending my life, I've never been able to say anything about my feelings which makes it harder because soon im going to break down and hurt myself, I've gone numb, I want to cry but for some reason I can't, it really hurts and the worst thing is I want to leave this pain but I don't want to cause anyone else pain. it's really hard im trying my very god damn best but everyone pushing me, they tell me to try harder and I just can't anymore I don't know how to do anything anymore so I've just stopped all together I went numb bc of this and more. I just want to take things for this but I cant. I want to leave but I cant. im scared about everything. I can't do anything about it, every time I come to school I put a fake smile on and no one notices, im not fine even if I say so im really not im just trying to survive and not cry so I either act like myself or I stay quite. I can't even find myself. I put on a mask just so everyone around me doesn't have to worry about me, so I don't hurt them. I was in counselling but i lied to get away from it bc I can't talk to people about my feelings. I only talk to people who i do but dont know like my online friends i had 2 of them that were willing to help me but they left me and now i have really no one and i miss them because they helped me, they were older then me (not a big diffrence) i didnt really know who they were so i didnt hide my feelings at al,l i know im not supposed to but its easer for me to so i dont lose people. im sick of acting carm when im putting an a mask and acting like "myself" i just cant stop though if people worry about me then in the end they will stop because im such a mess that i cant do anything and then they will leave me and i hate when people do that it really hurts, i just don't want anyone else to leave me ... View more