Heyoo I just made this bc I was bored and wanted to talk to peole ... View more

there are lots of different topics in here I'm so sorry this is sooo long but if you read it then cool and if you don't cool ok so im bad at saying my feelings but here I go I guess. I've gotten really bad over the past weeks and no ones noticed, I don't know what brought this back on but the worst thing is I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I've made myself to stop and think about self harming and ending my life, I've never been able to say anything about my feelings which makes it harder because soon im going to break down and hurt myself, I've gone numb, I want to cry but for some reason I can't, it really hurts and the worst thing is I want to leave this pain but I don't want to cause anyone else pain. it's really hard im trying my very god damn best but everyone pushing me, they tell me to try harder and I just can't anymore I don't know how to do anything anymore so I've just stopped all together I went numb bc of this and more. I just want to take things for this but I cant. I want to leave but I cant. im scared about everything. I can't do anything about it, every time I come to school I put a fake smile on and no one notices, im not fine even if I say so im really not im just trying to survive and not cry so I either act like myself or I stay quite. I can't even find myself. I put on a mask just so everyone around me doesn't have to worry about me, so I don't hurt them. I was in counselling but i lied to get away from it bc I can't talk to people about my feelings. I only talk to people who i do but dont know like my online friends i had 2 of them that were willing to help me but they left me and now i have really no one and i miss them because they helped me, they were older then me (not a big diffrence) i didnt really know who they were so i didnt hide my feelings at al,l i know im not supposed to but its easer for me to so i dont lose people. im sick of acting carm when im putting an a mask and acting like "myself" i just cant stop though if people worry about me then in the end they will stop because im such a mess that i cant do anything and then they will leave me and i hate when people do that it really hurts, i just don't want anyone else to leave me ... View more

me and my mum have been getting into fights everyday, in the mornings before school, after school and so on and i dont know how to cope with it anymore  ... View more