AMAA: LGBTIQA+ ReachOut Edition

Such beautiful words from that staff member @Bre-RO.

@WheresMySquishy I agree, a very nuanced response and well put. It got me right in the feels. 

I think at one point or another we all go through the confused blob stage @Lost_Space_Explorer5  it's kind of a rite of passage 

Love this question and the response 🙂 

What is something that makes you feel proud to be part of the LGBTIQA+ community?

There is so much to be proud of!

In our community you can be whoever you truly are – an introverted accountant, a brash tradie or a flamboyant drag queen. It doesn’t matter and there is space for everyone. There are no wrong answers.  

I’m proud that despite the struggles we face our community is determined to fearlessly live our lives and to celebrate our pride and diversity.

I think it’s great that through Mardi Gras we recognise our history and that the freedom we enjoy today was built by the sacrifice of the 78ers and those that risked their lives and careers to be their true selves.

It takes real strength to face homophobia and discrimination and not retreat – but to stand up for yourself, your friends and the whole community. Too many of us are still doing that today – but the fight for equality has never been easy and we should be proud of the change we’ve driven to date.   

I’m proud of our community’s determined spirit, optimism and the absolute sense of fun we bring to life. 

- Ben, Leadership Team 

@Bre-RO  I think it is also important to recognise the history behind the community. It doesn't get talked about enough. A lot of people I know who are straight act surprised when I tell them about all the sacrifices and challenges many members of the community have been through over the years.

@WheresMySquishy definitely!! Especially things like AIDS etc. I always get emotional seeing older LGBT people too because an entire generation of LGBT+ people were lost to the epidemic! There's a lot of movies/ books/ etc that bring awareness to it now, though.

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  Wow, I didn't know that! That's so unfair.
It kind of reminds me of the gay panic defence.

oh my, I hadn't heard of the gay panic defence 😮 @WheresMySquishy That's awful 😞

And the fact that LGBT+ marriage is still illegal in the majority of the world, and people can still be jailed or worse for being LGBT+... . It used to make me sad that Australia took so long to bring in marriage equality!

How will I ever come out to my parents? How do I know they won't reject me?

Coming out is hard and no one person's experience is the same. However, there are many common threads that run through the experience of coming out, so there’s a few tips I will share: 

• Something you come to learn when you are part of the LGBTIQA+ umbrella is that you will come out many times in your life. It gets easier as time goes on but at the start it can feel really overwhelming. Practice coming out to people you know for sure will have your back. This will help you find the words that feel best for you and help you ease into the process. 
• Build your support network if you think the news could be a difficult road ahead for you and your parents. Friends, other families members, psychologists, youth workers and queer specific youth services. 
• Many of us have spoken at some point about having a "chosen family" and this question can explain why. We can't control how our loved ones will view us and while that can be sad to come to terms with, what balances all that out is finding people who love you no matter who you are. 
• Try writing a letter if sitting face to face is too daunting, doing things in a way that will make you feel comfortable and safe is the most important thing. 
• When you do come out, no matter the response, try to feel proud of yourself - it's a big step and it might take time to feel comfortable with the experience. That is okay and normal. 

I was so nervous to come out to my parents...and they are both queer! No matter who you are or where you come from, it can be an awkward, unsettling or down right scary experience. Trust that you'll find your feet and you will absolutely find people who accept you for you. If you feel rejected, absolutely open up to people who you feel can be gentle and loving towards you. No matter how hard it gets, remind yourself that there is no shame in being exactly who you are  

- @Bre-RO (aka meee) Community Team

Also awesome that your parents are queer @Bre-RO! I feel like a lot of parents aren't so open with their experiences. Sometimes my mum says things about other women and I look at her like... 

hahah. 

Also wanted to add writing things down is great, I came out to my mum in a text haha. Also while driving, gosh I hear sooo many stories of people coming out to their parents/ saying important things in the car (I know I do too!). It's less confrontational as they're focused on something else + no need for eye contact.

It is awesome! @Hozzles  hahahah that made me lol - and so so true about finding it easy to chat in the car. Such a great place to have hard conversations

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 exactly! It never hurts to have a back up plan in life, best case scenario you don't have to use it. If you do, at least there's one less thing to worry about. 

Thank you all so much for joining me tonight. It has been such a wholesome way to spend the evening chatting with you all. It was so fun getting ReachOut staff members involved in this AMAA and I really hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. 

If anything we have spoken about tonight has been hard to think about or read, here are some resources for you. You can also make a new thread and get some support  

Qlife is a queer run helpline and they can be contacted on 1800 184 527

Lifeline are there for you if you are feeling distressed and they can be contacted on 13 11 14

Once again, thank you all so much. I loved spending my evening with you all

Whooops! I almost forgot this one last question I was saving for the end and it should not be left out because it's a really important one. 

How can someone be a good ally? How would you like to be supported?

Being a good ally to the LGBTQIA+ people in your life, and to gender and sexual minorities more broadly, might feel overwhelming at first. But if you are starting from a place of kindness and openness, you will find that it is hard to go (too) wrong. 

Every individual has different ways of living their queer identity and wants different things from the allies in their life. Listen when queer people tell you about their experiences and the supports that they need. Draw on what you hear to educate yourself, especially if you have a question that you don’t know the answer to - google is your friend here! The key is to be open to feeling a little discomfort, challenging a few of your ideas, and knowing that it's ok to get it wrong sometimes, so long as you keep trying. 

The thing is, I don’t want good allies. 

I want amazing allies. I want incredible allies. 

Moreover, I want to be an incredible ally. Being queer doesn’t mean I know everything there is to know about being a member of a minority community! As a cis, White, slim, able bodied, middle class queer woman, I want to be an ally to people within my community and beyond who are fighting against racism, classism and transphobia (to name a few).

To me an incredible ally is someone who goes beyond standing with me as a queer person, who will act with me to recognise and dismantle the many ways that our society is built for straight, cis people. For queers like me, who move through the world with a great deal of privilege, it is vital to not only ask for others to be allies, but to become allies ourselves. Experiences of sex, sexuality, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, immigration, body size, disability, class and more all intersect in unique ways. These sites of privilege/oppression are not the same, but they can be the basis for empathy, and for understanding that the struggle for a queerer world  is empty if we leave other structures of inequity intact along the way. 

- Katherine, Research Team 

@Bre-RO  I really liked Katherine's response, especially when she said that being part of the community doesn't necessarily make you an expert on everyone's experiences because everyone is different, and that queer people have much to learn from each other.

That sounds like a great inspirational speech -- almost like a TED talk ahah I love how it's written! So important, not just for the LGBT+ community but for other minority communities as well!

Thank you all again I will be passing on to all the staff members how valuable their insights were. Enjoy the rest of your night everyone 🙂 

@Bre-RO Thanks for this. As someone who is confused about their sexuality (whether I'm asexual or not) this thread has been insightful and thank you to everyone who has contributed and shared their experiences on here

Yay! Such a great chat... now back to my essay hahah.
Thanks so much @Bre-RO and all the staff!

Lol back to uni work for me too @Hozzles :smilelylol:

And no worries @Bre-RO the more questions the merrier 😛

Yes we should all strive to be incredible allies regardless of what communities we belong in because we can all learn more about each other!