Gender- Ask a Pro Live with Kai and Olivia July 25th 2019

@Olivia_QLDchildrensHospital @KaiRoe thanks for coming on, I've really enjoyed this discussion!  

@Olivia_QLDchildrensHospital @KaiRoe Thanks for the amazing and insightful chat! 

Oh my goodness what an amazing discussion. I feel so much more educated, which will help me be an even better ally in the future. 

Here are some of the amazing services support LGBTIQA+ people across Australia!

State Services

NSW: ACON ,  Twenty10, The Gender Centre

QLD: Open doors, Relationships Australia QLD, Queensland Children’s Gender Service

SA:Trans Health SA, Shine South Australia

WA: The Gender Diversity Service, Living Proud

VIC: Parents of Diverse Gender Children, Queerspace

TAS: Tasmanian Gender  Service

ACT: Diversity ACT

NT:NT Government Gender Diverse Services 

National Services

Qlife

LGBTI Health

Minus18

Black Rainbow

Ygender

Also check out Emma's gender identity journey here.

Hello everyone! We had a few more questions from the live discussion that our speakers have responded to and we would love to share these!

Here are a few of the questions we didn't get to on the night, but are really valuable to this discussion on Gender!

What is "gender studies" at university? What careers can a major in gender studies lead towards?

Kai has written a response to answer this question! 
" 'Gender Studies' is a major that you can pick with a Bachelor of Arts and it basically explores how gender is explored in the everyday world. You can go on to teaching it, or if you take masters degrees in other topic areas, for example psychology, you could go on to being a therapist and more into that side of things, but there are also careers such as analysts and more statistical typed careers."

If you are interested in gender studies, speak to your university about your study and career options!

Do people often confuse gender and sexuality?

Olivia's response: "Yaaaaas! How come that's still happening?? I think a big problem is the confusion about gender expression. How I look or act does not tell you what my sexuality or gender is. Gender, Sexuality and Gender Expression are different and may not line up like you would expect"

Kai's response: "ALL THE TIME WOW, but the best way I've learnt to explain it is: Sexuality is who you're attracted to or go to bed with and gender is who you are and who you go to bed AS."

For more information about the difference between gender and sexuality, you can read this ReachOut article here, or have a look at the gender unicorn infographic here:

Thank you so much @KaiRoe and @Olivia_QLDchildrensHospital !! 😄

It was so wonderful hearing your amazing experiences and insight and i'm so glad you were able to come on to RO to chat with us all!

Thanks for having me ReachOut and everyone out there for contributing awesome questions. Big thanks to my co-pilot Kai, I always learn something new when i listen to people's lived experience

Thankyou so much for having me on here!

I loved our discussions tonight! 

HAve the best night!

At what age do you think that kids/teens/young adults know their gender identity and at what age can they make decisions about transitioning?

 I don’t think anyone is ever ‘too young’ to work out their gender, however it tends to be seen that in alot of cases many people will say youre too young to be anything other than cisgender heterosexual as the LGBTIQ+ community is often seen to like deviate from the norm and alot of the time parents are worried that their kids are jumping onto trends or following what others are doing. But yeah, i don't think anyone is too young to work out their gender however i do think you should wait until you are absolutely certain before making permanent transition choices.

Is there a way to become more conscious about using gender neutral pronouns with friends who you used to refer to them with gendered pronouns? How can I be an ally to my friends?

First, you need to think of that person as a gender neutral person, if you're still thinking of them as their binary gender its going to be much harder for you to use gender neutral pronouns. Also, Practice. Theres a little game thing you can use! https://www.minus18.org.au/pronouns-app/

Can your gender identity change over a lifetime? A year? A day?

Ah yes! not dramatically but along the spectrum. It did for me! I identified as several things under the non binary umbrella before feeling comfortable in my label! it can and often does change

@KaiRoe  I'm glad you have such a great support network! Having supportive people around you can make a big impact.

On the forums we often hear from young people about coping with gender dysphoria. What are some good ways to cope with gender dysphoria in everyday life?

For me, personally, I bind my chest, I use a proper chest binder that I got from GC2B  so as to make sure I do it safely and in a way that won’t injure me, as a way to deal with my physical dysphoria but as for social dysphoria I try and stay around and talk to people who know and use my name and pronouns as well as making sure I take some time for self care with simple things like meditation and bubble baths in order to make sure i’m feeling okay.

On the forums we often hear from young people about coping with gender dysphoria. What are some good ways to cope with gender dysphoria in everyday life?

Great question: 

Health research tells us that pubertal suppression reduces body gender dysphoria in young people and I have certainly seen that in the 100's of young people I have worked with. Pausing a young person’s puberty dramatically reduces distress as it stops or reduces a person’s body from changing in a direction that is not in alignment with their gender identity. 

https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/134/4/696 De Vries et al. 2014

In this research they show that young people who were supported with pubertal suppression and then gender affirming hormones at 16yrs have the same mental health outcomes as the general population and were more likely to achieve in higher education - we hear so much about Trans youth having more trouble with mental health so effectively this is saying that they have no more chance of depression or anxiety than anyone else! How good is that?!

Want to know more about pubertal suppression and gender affirming hormones check out this video which shows you what a difference it can make

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzbtSeVZeEE  

Affirming language is very powerful in reducing social dysphoria eg always using a person’s preferred name and pronouns, even when they are not there. It costs us nothing and can do no harm even if someone was still questioning.

Self care yaaaaas @KaiRoe  this is so important - have compassion for yourself, it can be a tough ole world

What are your top three things/pieces of advice you have for those questioning their gender?

• Take all the time you need to find out more about your identity.
• You're not alone. Many young people question their gender.
• How you express your gender is up to you. Different people prefer to express their gender in different ways.

What are your top three things/pieces of advice you have for those questioning their gender?

• See how it feels referring to yourself with different names, pronouns and genders.

• Take advantage of changing rooms in shopping centers, they can give you a chance to try on different clothes and see how you feel more comfortable presenting. 

• Sometimes people will try to tell you what you "actually" are, but you know yourself better than anyone. Trust how you feel.

@Tiny_leaf this is so powerful: "Sometimes people will try to tell you what you "actually" are, but you know yourself better than anyone. Trust how you feel." Every person is the expert of their own experience This also ties into @Olivia_QLDchildrensHospital's point about being your authentic self  

Here are our next two questions for @Olivia_QLDchildrensHospital and @KaiRoe 

What contributes to the higher rates of mental health concerns with young people who are gender diverse?

and; What are some supports and resources for people questioning their gender?

What contributes to the higher rates of mental health concerns with young people who are gender diverse?

I hear you @KaiRoe a big part of it is cisnormativity and heteronormativity dominate Aussie society- this suggest s that being straight and cisgender are normal and everything else... well isnt. Gender and sexuality diverse people are a minority and there is this thing called minority stress which can really affect your mental health. Happens to folks who are differently abled or from a different  cultural background too. Basically its hard putting up with people's assumptions, prejudice and discrimination - it gets you down and makes you anxious . . .

What are some supports and resources for people questioning their gender?

 I used the internet a lot, it was a good way for me to put words to how I was feeling, and it was good to talk to other trans people about their experiences. In Sydney, there is also a place called The Gender Centre, who i was recommended to use as they offer support groups and counselling specifically for those questioning their gender. 

https://gendercentre.org.au/

What contributes to the higher rates of mental health concerns with young people who are gender diverse?

Being LGBTQI+ is still something that's not widely accepted and transphobia and homophobia are still rampant in our society. I have faced my fair share of mental health issues and a lot of them were bought on by the fact that being trans in this world can really make it hard, people are still very biased against anything that is different and it's honestly so disheartening to see so many people feel as though they aren't worth as much just because they are not CisHet 

What are some supports and resources for people questioning their gender?

I agree with @KaiRoe the internet and youtube can be good source of information and also connection with other folk if you cant get to a group or don't have friends who get this stuff. 

When im talking to people who are questioning I speak about the need to experiment and try things out, we cant figure out who we are sitting back and thinking about it all alone in our heads. Its a really natural part of growing up to be contemplating who you are and talking to people is a great start

Lots of LGBTIQAP+ groups out there - not only good for social support but a nice way to find out latest and best information about your local area

Great idea @Tiny_leaf "See how it feels referring to yourself with different names, pronouns and genders."

I suggest to folks to give a name they want to try when ordering at Boost or a Cafe and see how it feels when they call it out for you

@Tiny_leaf 

@KaiRoe such good gif selections! 😄

@ecla34 Thankyou!! we love a QE moment 

@Tiny_leaf ''Trust how you feel'' is such beautiful and powerful advice