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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:18 PM
I'm going to say that it is not unusual. Yes, everyone has their own experience and reasons as to why they self-harm, but if one feels this way, then chances are that there are others that harm for the exact same reason.My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:16 PM
Is it unusual for someone to self harm to 'prove to
themselves' that they have a legitimate reason to feel bad, or
'give themselves permission' to feel bad?
This reminds me of that saying or theory that people self-harm to express how you feel on the inside... outside.
Like if you have a physical disorder it's easy to see but mental health issues or depression can be super hard to express (both personally and to others) so maybe some people need to make this pain more physical so it feels "legitamite"?
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:18 PM
@lanejane You've hit the nail on the head there. Self-injury is tangible. Emotions are not...
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:12 PM
The question again:
What can you do when normal methods of delaying self
harm don't work like drawing on your skin or using rubber
bands? Cause in the moment I'm not really thinking about what
else I can do... My head is a mess and I get all flustered so
alternative methods aren't really on my mind
@SarahS answered
It sounds like you need a pre-written safety plan that is
available to read when you are feeling flustered. It is very
common to not be able to think of other coping methods when
you feel flustered. There are many, many distress tolerance
skills you can use instead of self-harming: see this website
I always ask my patients to give copies of their safety plans to
friends, partners and family members as well, so that when you
are feeling flustered and can’t find your plan or feel unable to
follow it, you can call somebody else to help you through it.
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:11 PM
I should probably go add my 2 that I suggested.My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:05 PM
I read this question as meaning that normal methods such as drawing and rubber bands don't work... but what other options are there...really 😕- Mark as New
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:03 PM
Mine are only above the knee so it's not that big of deal hiding them but it's just annoying that I feel like I have to- Mark as New
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:06 PM
@j95 maybe you could try not covering them again one day and see what happens. if you're up to it?
sometimes it's good to try things again and see if things have changed.
stuff like r u ok day and national suicide prevention day can really change the way people act and think.
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:08 PM
There are a bunch of techniques in DBT's distress tolerance module. All of my patients have found at least one that works for them. And it definitely gets easier with time. ...but it is still not easy
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:09 PM
maybe we should get the DBT's distress tolerance module put somewhere on RO if it has good stuff? 🙂
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:01 PM
Sometimes I feel like I need a sign on my head that says DO NOT ASK. @lanejand 😔- Mark as New
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 9:58 PM
And now it's time for the next question:
What can you do when normal methods of delaying self harm don't work like drawing on your skin or using rubber bands? Cause in the moment I'm not really thinking about what else I can do... My head is a mess and I get all flustered so alternative methods aren't really on my mind
What are some alternatives to self-harm?
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:05 PM
When I was self harming, every time I wanted to harm, I just told myself to wait 10 minutes. But for some reason, I never looked at the clock. 9 times out of 10, it worked.Another technique I was taught was sort of like the wave image on the intro into this chat. Just sit with the emotion, acknowledge that it is there, let it pass through, whilst saying something along the lines of 'you are not real, you are just an emotion'. Although that was used for my ideations, I reckon it would be worth a try with self-harm thoughts.
My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:07 PM
@stonepixie good tips!
hey and omg what about our 1000001 coping methods / distraction techniques thread?
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:08 PM
@lanejane are there really that many???
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:03 PM
What can you do when normal methods of delaying self harm don't work like drawing on your skin or using rubber bands? Cause in the moment I'm not really thinking about what else I can do... My head is a mess and I get all flustered so alternative methods aren't really on my mind
I think @MiaMouse1 already said a good one about drawing the birds!
Something I have found really useful in the past to distract myself (from pretty much anything!) is ReachOut. The games section can get really addictive. You just challenge yourself to play each game and then eventually your mind gets busy with stuff online!
There is also a cool book I saw once by Kate Bornstein called "Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide". I'm pretty sure you can actually get a copy for free from google somewhere! Or look up Kate on youtube.
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 9:56 PM
@SarahS I feel like it's not genuine interest, it's just something to pick at, they just ask me what happened to my leg and I think it's obvious so asking questions is pretty unnecessary. Even though I say something smart their questions make me feel really shit actually and i find myself covering them up or wearing longer shorts to avoid being asked anything else.- Mark as New
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 10:01 PM
@j95 Thats understandable that you would prefer to cover them up to avoid questions. Any chance you could be assuming the worst in their interest? I think lots of people only associate self-harm with the stereotypical stuff but you never know. And I don't have a lot of experience working in a blokey culture! I have a client with scars literally all up her arms and legs. For 10 years she hid them and in the past 2 years she has decided not to bother. Its possible that in time you will stop caring what others think.
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 9:59 PM
@j95 i'm sorry that you feel like you have to cover up to avoid i 😞 that's shitty. its so hard 😞
iwish we could have some sort of public set of rules for when we talk to people so they know boundaries without us having to talk about it.
like seriously though. a little board thats like "dos" and "donts"
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 9:54 PM
Here was the question again:
I work in trade and there's the whole blokey culture, what
am I supposed to say when someone asks me about the
scars? It's clearly self harm scars but if I'm honest about them
I'll be disowned and friendless...
@SarahS answered
That is a tough situation. It is completely up to you as to
whether or not you disclose that your scars are from self-harm.
You could say “I prefer not to talk about it” or “none of your
business” and change the subject. You could also just ignore
the question and immediately ask a question in response (e.g.
colleague says “where did you get that scar from?” and you say
“what time is the xyz job” or “how is your wife”). Your colleague
will get the picture that you don’t wish to talk about it, and if
they are a respectful person they will not push. If you come
across a person who might badger you about it, there is nothing
wrong with making up a story: “when I was ten I fell through a
window” (or something similar depending on the location of the
scars).
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 9:51 PM
I just don't find it necessary for people to point out something like that especially at a work place in front of everyone, so stupid.- Mark as New
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originally posted on 24-09-2015 9:50 PM
yeah I have had my fair share of experience with this one cause I work in the same sort of industry. Whenever someone says anything I just play it cool, I'm like "yeah I know they're there... what about them?" or I say "I think it's pretty obvious what they are from so let's just leave it"
