[SPECIAL GUEST] Supporting Survivors (trigger warning: sexual assault)
In January we discussed the topic of consent, what it is, what it looks like and how to get it. This month, in accordance with Sexual Assault Awareness month, we’ll be talking about what it’s like when consent doesn’t enter the picture.
Everyone who is sexually assaulted will experience it differently, but there are some feelings that are unfortunately far too common. Many experience feelings of guilt and shame, largely because of a culture of victim blaming in our society, which may prevent them from seeking out support from their friends, family or from health professionals.
The aim of this Infobus session is to give survivors a safe space to discuss their own personal experiences, the feelings that came after and what happens next. We also want to give people who haven’t experienced sexual assault an opportunity to learn more about how to support survivors.
To help us do this, Karin and Jenny, counsellors from the Sexual Assault Resource Centre (SARC) in Perth, an organisation that provides support to survivors of sexual assault, and Sex Assault Squad (SAS) detectives of the Western Australian Police will be with us on the night. They will also be helping us to find out what options there are in getting help after sexual assault.
No matter what the circumstances were around your assault, I want to stress that we believe you, what you’re feeling is valid and you deserve to have support.
Join us on Thursday the 21st April, 9pm AEST as we come together to talk about the experience of being a survivor, how to go about seeking support and and how family and friends can best support survivors of sexual assault.
If this post has been in any way triggering for you, I really encourage you to contact 1800 RESPECT. A full list of sexual assault related support services can be found here.
Hi everyone, my name is Neville from the police Sex Assault Squad, Im really happy to be here tonight to help out and provide some advice to anyone who has questions about the topic
HI everbody, Karin and Jenny here. So nice to be able to talk with you all tonight. Lets hope we can reach out to people.
Let's ease into things with a bit of a talk about self care:
This topic can be a pretty tough one to explore, so before we start talking about it, i want to know, what are some things you can do to look after yourself if you’re feeling stressed out or triggered?
This topic can be a pretty tough one to explore, so before we start talking about it, i want to know, what are some things you can do to look after yourself if you’re feeling stressed out or triggered?
Well, tonight I am staying at my, err ... I'm staying the night with the guy I am dating at the moment. I've also got my crochetting if things get too bad. 🙂 I am super prepared!
So basically, have a support person and activities that you enjoy.
Hi thanks @Chessca_Hgood thought. yes we want everyone to look after themselves. Sometimes this stuff does trigger people. So remember, there is help out there. if you feel that this stuff gets to you a bit, one of the best things you can do is to slow down your breathing. So breathe out more than you breathe in! Slow it down and breathe in the belly rather than in your upper chest. this works a treat to help us self soothe. But if you feel at risk then you can access service where you can talk to somebody about your personal stuff.
http://au.reachout.com/sexual-assault-support
Take care everone!
what if breathing doesn't help and the thoughts just keep coming at you? How do you get the dreams to stay away, even for just a little while. Thankyou all for this forum
@Stingray1 I had re-occurring dreams for a long time and I found calling someone I trusted and talking it out with them helped, also just getting up and doing an activity that distracts you helps like watching a to show, solving a puzzle, playing Xbox or PlayStation.
In the instance you have woken up after a flashback, first try a breathing exercise, then a distraction exercise (eg. Think of what you had for breakfast lunch and dinner and describe them to yourself) and once you have calmed down try reasoning - the 'flashback' was not real, I am safe.
Victim blaming is what I meant, not slut shaming. 
You’re never obligated to tell someone about your experience with sexual assault, but in some situations (like starting a new relationship) it can be something that you might choose to do, what are some things to think about if you’re ready to talk about it?
For me, it was just something that came out in conversation. No thought went into it. If have to think about it, then I stumble on my words. So I just like with it just slips into conversation naturally.
But it is definitely a conversation that I need to have before becoming sexually involved with someone.
I hear you, and it sounds really difficult. We do hear that a lot from many survivors. The important thing to know is the with these things you need to keep on doing breathing, "Grounding" and self soothing things. And you need to do them for a looooong time until things subside. Don't give up! 🙂 So grounding means doing something to bring yourself back into the real world away from the thoughts that are troubling you. So you can do things like open your eyes (if you are in the dark, turn on the light) and look around the room. Do things like count 5 things you can see, 5 things you can hear, 5 things you can smell. And keep on doing this until the stress subsides. you can also do something like run your hands under cold or warm water, or use something you can feel like a crystal or even a phone cover and explore it with your fingers.
With the breathing it takes a while, but it will eventually help to self soothe you...there is an App called Smiling mind which is a mindfulness breathing excercise which i really like myself.
Thank you I will keep trying. Can I also take this opportunity to say thank you to Sexual Assault Resource Centre and to SEx Assault Squad for the help and support you all provide. 😊
@Stingray1 Thats a really good question, something I know works is that you try to identify the signs your body sends you when those feeling start to appear then build up your coping mechanism to manage your way through it, it does get easier 🙂
I find this hard, but hear what you are saying. Sometimes I can do this, but sometimes the feelings and dreams are so real. Even though this happened a long time ago, I find these thoughts intrude when I least want them. Dud try and file them away, but every now and then the bloody drawer is opened.
You know what you are saying here does sound like hard stuff. I really hope that you are going to see a counsellor because these things can really be helped by some therapy.
You see the mind likes to try to work things out, so it is bringing things up over and over in order to solve the "problem", if you like. However what happens when it is trying to stop something or stuff it away it actually tends to strengthen the bad thoughts. So therapy is the safe way to bring it out of the cupboard, drawers, wardrobes what ever!
When you are alone however and it feels not safe, then it is best to ground yourself over and over (as in my previous response) because it is really hard to open the stuff up when you are by yourself.
@Rsg Hey Im replying to your other question about consent. You can participate in consensual sexual activity and at any point you can withdraw your consent, as long as you make it clear you want the activity to stop. If they continue it is sexual or indecent assault. If you are drunk it does not matter, if youve said no previously and freeze up then we would have to look at all of the circumstances and speak to the alleged offender (sorry for the police speak) because sometimes their admissions help corroborate your account. I know it sounds confusing, but we must look at every case completely, but we have charged people with sex assault in similar circumstances. My advice would be for you to speak to your local police and ask for specialist sex assualt investigators, the laws in each state are different which also tends to complicate things
The question of consent is a really complicated issue, no will always mean no, but sometimes things just happen that makes you rethink or question whats happened, thats why it is always important to speak to a specialist sex assault investigator, not just your local police or detectives.
