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Meh (TW?)
Welp. I'm back again. It's been nearly 2 years since I was online last, but I have been thinking about coming back again for a little while.
My official diagnosis for my chronic Illness is Functional Neurological Disorder, branching off into Dissociative Seizures, where I faint a heck ton, sometimes have seizures, as well as developing little "tic" episodes. I have been living with it for almost 6 years now, only diagnosed around 2 years ago.
I also have very strong AuDHD/ND tendencies, which I have recently noticed more and more when it comes to cleaning my room, how I try and sometimes fail at organising my school work.
Get this:
It's my last year of school this year.
But the catch? Majority if not the whole of year 12 at my school, all hate me. For no valid reason. I can only think of my CI, and maybe even my neurodivergency. But They all accepted some of the more obviously ND kids in my grade? So here I am trying to finish year 12, thinking I had at least a few friends, but no. Apparently, before I even got to being alone, people were already warning other kids about me. Saying "She has issues, watch out". Fucking hell. I don't know what I did wrong, because I'm apparently weird, and no one wants to be with me. At this rate, I'm going to formal alone, and no one wants to be around me. Also, my best friend, decided I'm a toxic manipulative bitch. But what she's saying just sounds like she's recreating her trauma from her old school and making me the victim, therefore she is manipulating me and is toxic. She blocked me on everything except for one account, which she is still following me on, and I am following her on, but she has the audacity to copy my stories on Instagram, and even directly but indirectly, passive aggressively post on it, knowing full well I can see it, that she's removed toxic people from her life, and posting things about the traits of a toxic person/"friend" is. Little does she know, she's posting about herself. She just wanted a reason to say fuck you. She also used her ND and "mental health" issues as an excuse for reading into things too deeply, and all the shit she said. So yes, I'm glad she's decided to fuck off. But it still hurts, because it's always me. I'm trying hard, but nothing is working. and it had to happen in my last year of school, didn't it? *sigh*
So yeah, great start to the year.
but it's okay, I have big plans.
I'm going to donate my hair again, but with a different charity this time. My hair is so long at the moment, so it will be good. My formal hairstyle is complicated, but the day after formal, I will go back to school to chop it all off, as well as raising money for The Ponytail Project. I am super excited to do it 🙂
I am the unofficial "Arts" captain at school, because they took me off the ballot because I had an anxiety attack and couldn't get up and speak in front of everyone because of it. But because of this, I already do the work of a captain, so the Arts Coordinator has agreed to let me be the unofficial one. Which means I will be helping with organising our "artsfest" night/week, and organise events for it throughout the year.
I will also be going on "tour" for the Instrumental Music Program, Which I earnt the money for the deposit for, through housesitting. We get to go to Sydney for it, which makes me very excited about, even though the teachers have said my mum has to come with me because of my condition. Fair enough, it's a little hard to manage looking after me and another 64 students when I'm unconscious. But at least I get to go, and my brother is helping me pay for it too. I will pay him back when someone finally hires me 🙂
That's the basic outline of what's happened so far, other than I tried and failed at a traineeship, but that was because of my anxiety and how the boss treated me. I'm glad I didn't keep going with it, I needed the spare at school that I got out of it that school let me keep.
I turn 18 soon, so that's also cool, I'm going to see Hamilton in February, and I have planned to have a culinary meal for my birthday dinner. Sushi, Fried Rice, Carrot Pakouras, and maybe a phillipino dish from one of my phillipino friends. 🙂
In saying all this, I look forward to finding my niche when I start studying. I'm so sick of being alone, especially because it's literally my cohort, at every single school, that is just shitty.
I have three toxic ex friends bullying me at school for the past week or two, long story short. One of them, who I'll just call Jane, claimed that I lied about me allegedly "lying about [Jane] spraying perfume onto me on purpose, making rude comments about [me] often, etc." She's a pain in the backside, and of course her friends believe everything she says. Jane knows that she was antagonising me on purpose for weeks, but since she knows her actions are indefendeable, she just lies about me flat out and tried to gaslight me into thinking that I was the one lying, and that I was the person being overdramatic. She even had the audacity to send me a tik tok a girl clearly faking ADHD symptoms (most of them weren't even ADHD symptoms I believe, it was just bEinG quIrKy), and compared it to my traits of ASD. Jane knows that I'm neurodivergent. She told me that she's not insulting me, and tells me that "it's because of the weird s--t that [I] do". Her and her friends think it's funny to hold a stereotype against me and mock me for it. I all hate their guts and they can never take anything seriously, these kind of people think they're on the top of the world, but in reality they're just bored inside. They don't feel good about themselves, so they need to deflect it onto other people.
Hey there @visions_9374 ,
I'm sorry to hear that these three ex-friends have been so unhelpful, especially recently. It must be hard to be lied to and then be accused of lying. It sounds like a very difficult social situation right now. This fact sheet about what you can do about bullying might be helpful.
I read that you 'hate' them right now. Would you consider these friendships to be over? Or would you work towards restoring them? I read that you feel they don't feel good about themselves, and are bored, and therefore deflect it onto other people.
Whatever it is, bullying is not okay. I hope you will find a way to speak to someone about it. Also, you can reach out to KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800.
Hey! Sounds like you need some new friends? I am a little younger than you, diagnosed with hypersomnia (I sleep a lot....) And sometimes it is just so bad that I walk down the path to the gym and I fall into the bushes(−_−;)So! I can get you it is bad, I also fall unconcious to the ground sometimes at the most inconvienient of times! I hope that you have a wonderful year! And that you will meet a cute person to go to the formal with you! (Hey you can always ask a person outside of school right?) Good luck for Year 12!!!
Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx
I just wanted to jump in here and wish you all the best for this year!
I’m really sorry to hear that people were saying those things about you, I can only imagine how upsetting that would be to hear, and no one deserves to experience that. I’m also sorry to hear that you are going into year 12 with no close friends, navigating through friendships and finding good close friends can be really tough at times and I want to reassure you, that a lot of people have experienced something similar and it’s not a reflection of you and who you are as a person. I also want to let you know that there’s so many opportunities outside of school and after school where you can create great and healthy friendships.
It sounds like you have some really positive and big things to look forward to this year, and so many opportunities to form new friendships and connect with other people in your cohort that you share similar interests with such as the instrumental music program. I wanted to share a collection of resources we have around friendships, there’s some articles around creating friends, healthy friendships as well as toxic friendships that you might find helpful having a look through. I also wanted to share this post with you about loneliness that has some information and resources you might also be interested in looking at.
Remember that the online community are all here for you and you aren’t alone!
Also, happy early birthday… I hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy watching Hamilton.
Hey@xXLexi_Lou122Xx Welcome back to the forums! It's so lovely to have you back and hear about some of the things that you have been up to 😊
I'm sorry to hear that you have been through so much recently. From your new diagnoses, to everything that's been going on at school, it sounds like a lot to be dealing with, especially on your own. So im really glad that you reached out to us again.
Year 12 is hard enough on its own so I can only imagine how hard it must be to have to manage all these other issues on top of that. Do you mind me asking if anyone else is aware of some of the things that they have been saying to you? It can be really hard to hear things like this, so I am wondering what supports you have around you right now. Is there anyone that you might feel comfortable talking to about this? If you would ever like to talk to someone, KidsHelpline is always there to support you, just as we are.
It sounds like you have a lot of things to look forward to though and that's amazing to hear! That's also really exciting to hear that your birthday is coming up and that you have such fun plans for it.
I just want to say that despite everything, I think you are doing a really great job at managing it all. With so much going on though, I am wondering if there is something nice you can do to treat yourself? It sounds like you deserve to celebrate all of these wins and have something else to look forward to. Can you think of something you might be able to do?
We're all here for you 💜
Heya @Courtney-RO 🙂
Honestly, it's not a lot at the moment. But I've finally had the chance to come back and update here. Although I won't lie, I really have been trying to come back sooner, but I've been so unmotivated. Which happens to be another trait of ADHD, but also just being busy too.
I haven't been diagnosed with AuDHD, but I have strong traits of both. I did an ASD assessment, but apparently, I'm more neurotypical than a "normal" neurotypical Person. So uh that's interesting...
My mum does know, and I've been pretty open about it in general. Unfortunately KHL is pretty useless to me. I've tried them a total of 7 times, and I really cannot do that again. But it'll be fine, I have some supports in place. It's just a little bit hard to keep thinking positive when I've worked so hard for this specific thing to never happen again, and yet it didn't work :'(
I am certainly trying my best, but it's really difficult...
My birthday isn't until august, but it is indeed a great early present 🙂
I did volunteer for the coffee service in the mornings before school, so I'll be the morning Barista for teachers and senior students. It'll be my first time, but I do have experience making coffees. I also have an interview at a bakery, which has shifts that fit my availability and is specifically looking for a year 12 student, so hopefully I get it. I could really use with a job to help earn some money and distract me on weekends.
And Drama and Music is starting up soon, so thats good.
I also go for my P's on Friday, which is absolutely nerve-wracking, but My mum also has a job interview that day too, so we can be nervous buddies together until she drives me to swimming carnival after my test that I'll likely fail but If I pass then thats a bonus 🙂
Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx long time no speak!!
It's so nice to see your username pop up - but I'm really sorry to read about how hard things have been for you lately. How do you get through the school day with everything going on?
I remember being in a very similar situation in year 12, and I got through it by making myself very busy with extracurricular activities. It sounds like you'll have lots to do at school this year with all the amazing things you're involved in.
It sounds like you've been reflecting on AuDHD traits lately, which is a big thing to unpack. How are you feeling about it all?
With everything you've got on your plate, you're still creating goals and pushing forward, which is pretty incredible. I'm wishing you the best of luck with your driving test on Friday! Where's the first place you'd like to drive when you pass?
Hiya @Bre-RO 🙂
Definitely! You aren't leaving yet, surely? I can't remember who's leaving or not. I know Taylor is, but I can't remember who else...
Yeah, it's definitely a bit tough, but I am definitely using other activities to my advantage. I volunteered to be the morning barista in the canteen a couple days a week, and I will hopefully find something else to do as well. And music and drama will be on a couple times a week as well.
It's still sucky, I'm really finding it difficult to not feel alone in everything that I've been doing.
Yeah, AuDHD traits are seeming pretty prominent at the moment. I'm quite okay with it, I'm just pissed off that people at school don't accept me for being myself, when they accept others who have many more obvious traits and stuff, which just irks me. And hurts me too, I'm so sick of having to deal with the absolute shit I have to suffer through. But I am happy with myself despite that stuff happening. I have even started trying to find ways to help me be more productive with cleaning and staying on top of my school work.
Yup, I look forward to completing these goals, I even want to learn Auslan.
I'm so nervous. I don't want to fail, like I really desoerately want this license, but most people fail on the first try. But it would make me feel so much happier if this one thing could go right for me. But I won't be brought down if I do fail. At least I'll know what to do next time.
I reckon I'd drive to Brisbane, because it's in the city, and QPAC is pretty good. I might even buy more musical tickets 🙂
Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx , it’s really nice to hear you're using other activities to your advantage, that is such a positive mindset to have. And very inspiring!
I am sorry to hear that some of your peers aren’t accepting you for who you are. I can see why you’d be feeling both angry and upset about this. It's not something you deserve to put up with whatsoever. Is there anyone at school you do trust to be yourself around? On a positive note, it sounds like you accept and love yourself for who you are, which is what matters the most 💛
It’s great to hear that you’re starting to find ways to be more productive with cleaning and school work. I am curious to ask whether you have found any strategies that help, and if you would feel comfortable to share them with us? I imagine many community members could benefit from these too.
Good luck for your P’s test today, we would love to hear how it goes!! You’re totally right, if it doesn’t work out this time, it just means you will know what to improve on for next time!
Ps. the lovely @Bre-RO is here to stay 🎉
Hiya @Sally_RO !
Yeah, it's really the only way I can cope.
I do have other people who are much younger than me, but I'm still struggling a fair bit with it.
An absolutely, I love how I am, the only thing I could do without is my FND, but even then, I think it's slowly getting better. The only real issue right now is the massive heat and humidity, which seems to be the biggest cause of episodes at the moment. It might not even be the FND itself, it could literally be heat exhaustion.
Yeah, I might make a thread about it. Where people can list things about what helps them, for either CI or Neurodivergency. Or I'll make one for each, respectively... 🙂
And you guys will be very proud of me, I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am officially allowed to drive by myself/without parental supervision 😄
I did my first few drives with my brother and sister and a friend to youth group, and it was great! I also went and dropped my brother of to work, then went and got some bread and milk afterwards for mum. I'm very useful now that I can drive myself places :3
I literally was so nervous, and my instructor could tell, but she's never seen me at my most anxious, but I was pretty close. I broke down in happy tears as soon as the examiner said those 2 words, "you passed". Then I had the nervous adrenaline coursing through me, but it was happy nervous adrenaline. My instructor was like "you passed, why're you still jiggling?". It was happy jiggles, and she understood when I said that ahaha
I really needed this win, I feel a fair bit happier at the moment now. 🙂
Also yay, I really didn't want to lose ALL the familiar Mods/Admins! Almost panicked there... 🙂
Well, I'm still doing alright. I've been driving around by myself a lot, and I get to do some of the drop-off and pick-up runs for mum and dad, but I'm still a little sad.
We have to write a song for my music class, and I just suck at writing music. I can write lyrics, but currently they're all jumbled up as brainstorming different lines to use. I am struggling to make them structured, although I have a way of doing it. I just need to get it done.
I can't compose a melody for the life of me, let alone find a chord progression that works, and I just can't do it. AND, I decided to write a sad song, so I've got basic ideas for these things, but all my lines and stuff are making me spiral with all the sad things I'm writing about. But I don't know how else to get it off my chest. My psychologist isn't back from leave until later on this month, and i don't have someone who is willing to purposely check-in with me in person, just to see how my week is going. Even when I do get to talk about it, they never fully understand the depth of what I'm feeling. I just can't convey it properly.
All these things are making me sad, I fel so useless. My faith in God is waning a bit, but I know I'm here for a reason. I brought a friend to youth group, and she wants to keep coming, and actually feels comfortable being around me and my siblings, after meeting once at a party. Now she comes over just beforehand, and I drive all four of us to youth group every friday night.
I just feel sad. everything was going great until I started year 12, and don't get me wrong, there's some great things at the moment, but I can't help but feel lonely. Even my wellbeing leader doesn't check in with me or even say hi on his rounds around the school, but talks to the other year 12's. It makes me angry that he favours others, rather than actively shares the care around...
And my older sister figure of a teacher isn't around nearly as much as she used to be, so I can't talk to her much either. Even then, I feel like I'm a burden, so I try to limit what I talk about to her. Being a teacher, there are things that she may have to report. Not that I know of, but still, you never know where the boundary might be.
I just want someone to let me talk, cry, and hug me while I sort my emotional mess of myself out. Even get them to help me fix it a little bit. I'm just so done with feeling like shit.
And to top things off, I had a weird "panic" moment this afternoon. You know the feeling of your heart when you suddenly fall, like a nervous "oh my gosh I'm falling" kinda thing? Well that's what I had in my chest/heart, for literally no reason. I almost started panicking because I thought it might have been an anxiety thing, and then there's all this stress I have, I ultimately would describe it as an "impending Doom" feeling, but then I really don't know. I'm going to ask my psychologist about it when she gets back.
And my "friends" are still being assholes, although I haven't noticed quite so much any of the dirty looks or avoidance of me anymore. Now it's just "oh she exists, cool" kinda thing. But it still hurts. I just wanted to have a small group of people who want to sit with me. But even my spot at school has been taken over, with construction. There's a construction fence there because there's work happening, but it was the only place I could sit by myself. I hope it finishes soon, I want to sit where I used to again. Then I won't feel so lonely again... or at least not as obviously alone, because I liked my spot to just sit there. Otherwise I'm going to find the arts teachers and ask to chill in the music block. At least I can belt out music there, during break times. Although I doubt they'll let me... Maybe I'll ask to reorganise the drama room, during the break times that dramatics isn't on... That might work. But even then, it's a motherfucking long shot. 😞
I'm so overwhelmed. I'm stressing again. I'm already exhausted. I'm already wishing that I had some friends. I just want to cry, scream (even though I physically can't), and be cuddled until it gets better. And even then, I want it to be fixed, right now. I can't stand anymore of this, and I'm so sad and angry at myself and the cruel world we exist in. *sigh*
Yes, I am safe. Just trying to find someone I can talk to in person or something, to make my life a little more bearable...
Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so isolated and sad at the moment. I also can hear that you're trying very hard to find the positives, but that it's just a challenge for you to do so right now. But I hope you do keep searching.
Sounds like there are a couple of people at school who you do get some support from, I'm wondering if your wellbeing leader maybe just doesn't realise how tough things are for you at present? Have you let him know that you could really use a check in more often for now? Your brain might tell you that you would be a burden for doing so, but that's what he's there for - to provide support.
With your panic/odd heart sensation - the body does really weird things when under a lot of stress. And it doesn't always line up with our mind - so sometimes it can come seemingly out of nowhere. That being said, if you are worried it could be something else it's always worth double checking with a GP, just in case.
Music is obviously super important to you, which I think is absolutely amazing. It's such a valuable way to be able to express yourself, and can even help us to better understand and process our emotions - so if you can find more ways to be able to practice and play, I say go for it, even if it's a long shot. What's the saying - you miss 100% of the shots you don't take?
I wish I could say that things could turn around quickly for you - but you are not broken, so there is no quick fix. But that doesn't mean healing and changing isn't possible, you jus gotta take it one step at a time. And doing stuff like connecting to the folks here on the forums is a great step to take 😊💕
Hiya @Pho-RO ,
I don't believe we've met!
yeah, there are, but I still feel like even they can't do much, because if I say something that worries them, they might have to report it, and then that escalates an unnecessary chain of events. I've learnt from experience...
My wellbeing leader has never checked in on me, not once. No clue why, but he always does for everyone else. I'm just not the kind of person he would even talk to, I guess...
And he's the reason why I couldn't get a leadership position, but it would be nice for him to actually do his job for once...
I might go to the GO, but I won't say much to her. Not after the last time I spoke to her about deep things, but at least we can chat for a bit every now and then.
Yeah, I thought so too. But it's something that's never happened before, and I've been under ore stress than this before. So I shall ask my psychologist, as she's very experienced. and she specialises in FND, which is also helpful for me. It's part of the reason I started seeing her.
Yup, Music is one of my biggest assets. I'm a creative, so I excel in the performing arts. I sing, dance, perform, act, and I play multiple instruments, as well as being able to draw, paint, and craft very well. I'm more of a "jack-of-all-trades". And yes, I do use all these things for my emotions, but it's never easy when you have to write the piece yourself, and when doing it, you become more and more sad because of the reality of what you experienced. I don't know why, it just does. For me at least..
I like that saying, I'm going to remember that one. 🙂
I wish they could too. I've been struggling for nearly 8 years now, with friendships, emotional and mental trauma, physical health/CI, and overall anxiety and depression. Now I'm not so depressed, more anxious, but I still have the occasional depressive episode, whether it be mild or moderately bad.
I'm so sick of healing from things that I cannot change, especially when I've tried to change, but people who need me to change won't tell me what it is that needs changing. It just makes me angry. And sad. And overall anxious because I am the only "outcast" who doesn't fit their social norms, even though I'm probably the most friendly and mask the most... Oh well. I'll find my niche one day. As soon as I finish school. And start studying.
I've decided to follow in my mums foosteps and do a diploma of youth work, so I can be a school-based youth worker until I can become a teacher, or even study further to be a school social worker. Because schools are starting to employ social workers, so there would be a demand for it as well. 🙂
But I'm still sad. Nothing I can do at the moment, because there's no one who's available to talk to me or has the capacity at the time, I'm just that much of a burden...
@xXLexi_Lou122Xx Yeah I'm new here! Really loving it so far, such a kind and caring community. So, lovely to meet you too!
Mmm it sounds like you feel like being 100% open could lead to trouble, and that saddens me greatly because you deserve to be able to talk and get things off your chest. I hope you do find someone you can confide in without fear.
The fact that your wellbeing leader doesn't check in on you is not okay - reaching out to GO sounds like a good idea. You could also let them know you're in need of more support just generally, and hopefully be able to hash it out with someone who will listen.
Glad to hear you have a supportive psych, and hope you can get some clarity around those physical experiences. Can be very scary so it's good to get that reassurance.
Totally get what you mean about feeling saddened by the music you create. It's good to get the emotions out, but can also become like a feedback loop by the sounds of it. Perhaps you could try to inject some of the feelings you want to feel more of into your music too? Create a piece about hopefulness or gratitude and see where it takes you. You might be surprised by what comes out.
Yo, I was an outcast ALL through high school so I feel that. And masking can get so very exhausting. You will totally find your niche! Sometimes the best way to do so is to slip the mask off and be unashamedly yourself - but even that can take practice to feel safe doing so. All in your own time, in your own way.
Sounds like you're on a great path, and I daresay things will get easier once you're out of school and can find your people. Hold on a bit longer, yeah? You are not a burden to have struggles that are too heavy to carry alone. I have felt like a burden many times in the past, but I found it helpful to remember times when I was providing support for others - very rarely, if ever, did I feel like those people were burdening me. So I highly doubt you are ever as much of a burden as your brain is telling you you are.
@Pho-RO that's so cool!
I love this community too, even though it's been a while since I was last online consistently ahaha
Yeah, I hate it too. But there's only so much one can do, and since it's been so long since I last spoke to my psych, there will be too much to put into one session with her. But I'll try my best anyways, I cannot wait to talk to her at the end of february...
And teachers are fair enough, I don't want to overload them with my shit after all they have to deal with. I'm also feeling a bit better today, as I got to hang out with my drama teacher in one of my spares. We're working on a "Lunchbox Theatre", and I got to annotate the bigger script with what I think is important to have in the play. It really made my day, even though the year 7's were screeching and yelling maniacally while they were rehearsing. It's better than the sex sounds that the year 12 boys make in the library where I normally have my spare...
Absolutely, I found it weird, and I have gotten it again today, but only very very mildly. It only seems to happen around this one teacher on this one subject, and I don't know why. But then again, maybe I'm just overthinking it. I'll definitely check it out with my psych. Man, I can't wait to talk to her again...
I did think about trying that, but I honestly just don't have a clue where to start with even organising the words I already have. I have a way to do it, but I just haven't figured it out properly yet.
Ahaha besties for life then XD
Usually I don't really mask, but now I've noticed I mask more often than not lately, probably due to the way these people treat me. But oh well. When I'm in my element, like in Drama and Music, I definitely don't mask as much at all.
Yup, I like to think so! I certainly hope my niche finds me, or I find it, because I've been waiting too long for this. I've had enough of my time struggling with this as much as I have been.
And yes, I agree, I probably am not as much of a burden as I think, but I still find it difficult to believe. I completely get that too, I don't think others are a burden, unless they seem to never want to even try to get better, but that is also a differing situation.
Tomorrow is a job interview for a retail job, I certainly hope I can get it. I need the exact hours I've been offered, so I really do hope I can get it...
Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx ,
Good on you for being able to annotate a larger script. If that's what you like - go for it! We're glad it made your day. You deserve it.
As for speaking with your psych, would it help if you write a few things down so that you appointment wil be more directed and you know what you sort of want out of the session?
And of course, all the best with your job interview tomorrow!
@Chloe-RO yeah, it certainly did.
Yeah, I definitely do try to make lists of what I need to talk about, but there's so much that's been happening that I'd need 2 sessions in quick succession to cover it all at once. But I'll try anyways.
I didn't get the job for that particular place, but I did get a job at Dominoes. I'm a delivery driver/eBike rider now 🙂
I ended up in hospital today... I had so much going on in my head that I completely broke down just after one of my epsidoes, and the teachers were worried because of it. I was upset because I was so sick of being dizzy and exhausted, and I had my hands touching my head to try and make it stop.
They said my episodes went for longer than normal, and how I was "more unresponsive than usual", how that's a thing, I don't know. They probably haven't tried to even see how unresponsive I was in a "normal" episode.
The better thing though, is that I know what is contributing to my episodes. I'm constantly thinking about so many things, and the GO is ignoring my requests to make an appointment to talk about what's going on, so that isn't helping either. But oh well...
I haven't been able to talk to anyone lately, not in the way of being able to process what's going on lately, so I've got anxious thoughts as well as a lot going on.
I just wish people would understand that not everything is an emergency...... Maybe I just need someone to talk to. Oh well...
@xXLexi_Lou122Xx sounds like a pretty heavy day for you, and that you don't really have a safe space to just... process. Going into shut-down is a super difficult one to contend with, especially if you don't have enough people around who understand the AuDHD context and how your nervous system differs - and thus that you have different needs.
I hope you do get in to see someone soon, and even if one session is not enough time it will hopefully still help. Do you ever journal? It's not for everyone but it can be a good way to get some of those thoughts out of your head, so things feel a little less busy in your brain space.
Congrats on the job! I hope it helps - sometimes having that extra structure/routine can make a big difference for us neurodiverse folks.
@Pho-RO yeah...
I'm still pretty exhausted, but I'm doing much better physically. For now, at least. On the bright side, my mum realised how grown up I am, so she won't be too worried if I do get sent there again. She realised how well I conducted myself and was confident being alone, especially now that I'm in the Adults department. Not 18 yet, but once you turn 16 is when you go to adults. But that made her feel a lot more okay if I do go back without her knowledge or anything, which makes me feel better too. I just hate wasting doctors time and resources, is the only thing...
It wasn't so much the AuDHD kicking in, it's just that I was so done with my episodes that I wanted it to just stop for a little bit, and they took it as I was in hysterics because it was so bad. It was just a misunderstanding, but it's still difficult when they force things on you, even though you know it's not what you need. But oh well, I'm back now, and only a little sore from the needles and squeezing my neck to rouse me. Not that it worked, but they have to try anyways. Ambulance protocol *eyeroll*. Not even a sternum rub can wake me when I'm out like that, so why even try? oh well.
Yeah, I hope so too. I've had so much going on, and emotionally I don't have anyone to break down how everything is. My psych appointment is next week on Tuesday, but I still don't want wait that long...
I've tried journalling, but I find it difficult to do. I do on the rare occasion, but it's more that I "journal" here, typing everything out is amost like doing that.
But it's also not the same as someone listening in person...
Thank you, I thought so too. It may make me busier, but at least it'll distract me mostly. I can just focus on work, when I get my shifts started. 🙂
Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx
Although it sounds like yesterday was stressful, I really love how you've been able to find those positives and take some time to acknowledge how capable you are! 👏
It's really great that you're able to use this space to write out how you're feeling and what's going on for you. But can understand that talking to someone in person is also something you'd like. I know you have to wait a little while before you speak to your psych next week - I'm wondering if you might find it helpful to write out beforehand what you want to chat to them about.? I know sometimes when we're going through a lot, we can end up forgetting half the things we wanted to talk about! Maybe writing it down will help you prepare so you can get the most out of your session. What do you think?
@Iona_RO yeah, I'm still happy too, even though it was a waste in reality.
I did say above, I already write lists about what I need to talk about, but there's too many things to get through in one session. I'll still write them down, but it doesn't help when I need to get it all out and not have the time for it.,..
Ahhh, thanks for clearing that up for me. That's really great you're already onto it with writing lists 👏 Once you've turned 18, you might like to check out PeerChat as another way to get it all out and chat with someone. I know you've mentioned before that you didn't like contacting KHL, I'm wondering if trying their webchat might be a different option to try?
I don't think PeerChat will be any different for me, it's not the same as in person with someone older than me to help me process the days events...
I can't do any of the KHL stuff, or any of the other support chats/helplines. None of them have ever been helpful for me.
I'm so exhausted, and I just want to protect one of my friends, but there's only so much I can do to help them. They were touched inappropriately by someone from school, and no that person stares at them every time they see them, and it just makes me angry. The school hasn't done anything, but then again, I'm not sure if my friend has said anything to the people at school, but they have given me permission to talk to one of the teachers to pass on to someone higher up.
I only feel sad for them, because I witness it, but can't do anything much about it. But I did get the chance to tell the dude who did it to them, to fuck off and stop staring at them, because that's not okay. But I still want to keep helping them, but it's so hard watching them suffer like this...
Anyways, that's a little about today.
I get to watch Hamilton tomorrow night, so thats fun.
But I'm just exhausted. I don't want to deal with all the "omg are you okay?!?!" and everything from my teachers who were with me yesterday, and all that bullshit. I'm so done with my Chronic Illness, I'm so sick of being dizzy, and having my episodes, but I don't know what else to do...
Oh well. Time to see what tomorrow will bring...
Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx ,
Sounds like you've had some wins lately! Well done!
Reading your last post, we can see why you want to help your friend. Perhaps one way is to encourage them to speak to someone about the incident? Or ask if they want help to do so? Inappropriate touching is not something that should be taken lightly. Or perhaps your friend can contact Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800? We can only begin to imagine how hurt your friend must be feeling right now.
As with school, in a way, it is good your teachers are asking if you are okay. At least they notice something is happening and taking time out to speak to you? We hear that can be frustrating at times. Maybe letting them know you really don't want too many questions right now, would be helpful?
What do you think?
We hope tomorrow throws sugar and spice and all things nice to you!