Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Building Self Esteem

I recently had a friend ask me "how do I get self esteem?"

I think this would be a good thread. Especially for women, we live in a society that thrives of negative self value. People with high self esteem are thought of to be vain and narcisstic, when high self esteem has a lot of benefits! But it can be hard to cultivate. 

Remember, self love is a journey, and you must take steps every day. 


For me, my self esteem boosted when I got more into modelling and makeup. I love alternative styles and creative makeup looks, and when I started showcasing it more, and getting positive feedback, it really helped me. I felt good because I was being praised for something I work hard at. When I learned more about the modelling industry, and the ins and outs of posing and editing, I began to look at magazine models in a different light. I know how they make their bodies look how they do, and its a lot of work. Most poses you see that look effortlessly chic are actually very hard work!

I also began to talk myself up more. I faked confidence. I would look at parts of me that I thought were okay and force myself to say, this is great. I love this. Now its just reflex.

I began to appreciate my body more for how it functions, rather than looks. I can't hate my legs,  I need them to run and kick and dance. They do that so well. 

I also began to be more accepting of others' bodies. I try my best not to judge on appearances, and when I catch myself engaging in negative self-talk, I think, would I say this to five year old me? Would I say this to my best friend? If not, why would I say it to me?



These are just my things I found helpful. What's yours?

Re: Building Self Esteem

Hey @ivory this is an awesome idea for a thread Smiley Happy A lot of young people have self esteem issues and it can be a difficult thing to build up.

For me, especially in high school, the thing that got me through was that I didn't care. I couldn't care less what other people thought of me because their thoughts were their thoughts, they had no effect on me.
Faking it is another thing I do. It's one of my mottos, fake it till you make it. And it does help me, it gets me through a variety of situations because I just try and I do what I would do anyway and ignore anything bothering me like anxiety or doubt.

Re: Building Self Esteem

@ivory Great ideas!


I always found that the best thing for self esteem was seeing how different everyone is and noticing the grass is always greener syndrome. As in, if we have straight hair we want wavy, if we are tall we wish we were short. We always want what we don't have etc. We have to learn to just love being ourselves

Re: Building Self Esteem

A very important and interesting topic @ivory!



I used to do somewhat of a journalling exercise. Firstly, I wrote down all the positive qualities I believed I had. You can recruit your friends and family for help if this is something that you find difficult. Also, you can look up examples online and see if they apply to you (I will paste a link below). Then, every day I would collect evidence of these traits. For example, I would write 'today, I showed that I was generous by giving a friend some money when they needed it.' I found that this exercise greatly helped me identify my positive qualities and improved the way I see myself.


Re: Building Self Esteem

Loving this thread @ivory!


And such great advice shared, thanks guys!


I think sometimes the hardest thing about low self-esteem is REALISING that you have low self esteem!


I had pretty low self-esteem in high school, though I didn't really realise until one day I was like, damn I'm sometimes really mean to myself! Like, I think mean things about myself that are way meaner than what other people say to me - "you're too fat here" or "your eyebrows are thin and terrible" or "you have gross greasy skin".. But I never really associated these negative thoughts with having low self esteem because I still acted confidently and seemed happy around my friends and family. And I was happy then, well at least I thought I was, but when I actively tried to stop having these negative thoughts about my body, and took notice of the things that make me beautiful and unique, I realised that being comfortable in my body made me even happier! 


It took a bit of a mental shift, but I good place to start is to try and see yourself how other people see you! Try to pay attention to compliemnts that people give you, and don't simply palm them off as being untrue or doing the "thanks but [insert negative criticism about yourself]...". I have green eyes, and people often tell me I have pretty eyes, but I used to always say back " But my eyebrows are terrible! They just won't grow, and I have this scar that means my eye brow hairs grow the wrong direction". Sometime getting compliments can feel uncomfortable and embarrasing, and i think that's why I compulsively said negative things about myself in response, but I think the reason I was uncomfortable was because thinking nice thoughts about myself was unfamilar territory! I was so used to thinking negative things about myself - this became more normal and comfortable than having positive thoughts! And so I decided THIS HAD TO CHANGE!!!!


I still somestimes have trouble accepting compliments, and sometimes the negative doubts creep back in my mind, but I just try to  smile back and say thank you, and shut out the negative thoughts. It may seem hard at first, but the more you practice it, the easilier and more automatic it becomes. Smiley Happy 


I think self- esteem is ultimately accepting there's no such thing as "perfect", except being perfectly yourself. And remember to be your own NUMBER ONE FAN <3 <3 <3 



Re: Building Self Esteem

I have a low self esteem becaus I don't have many friends that's why I came on here to talk to people I have weight problems I hate my weight I have anxiety and depression so I'm constantly feeling mostly depressed I look at other girls and compare myself so easily thinking I'm not good enough I need help on my self esteem

Re: Building Self Esteem

Hey @Krysty and welcome to ReachOut Smiley Happy Anxiety and depression are tough things to have to live with, but that's what we're here for. To help. Have you ever spoken to anyone about how you're feeling? Like a counsellor or parent or friend?
People have given some awesome ideas of how to build self esteem. Are there any that grab your eye?

Re: Building Self Esteem


Hi @Krysty thank you so much for sharing with such honesty, that's not an easy thing to do!


I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling this way, have you got some one who you trust and can talk to about what's going on? How have you been coping with your anxiety and depression? Have you found any activities/strategies that help you manage these feelings or help you to feel better?


I know it's sometimes really hard not to compare yourself to others, I do it sometimes to! But remember you (and I!) have some pretty amazing and unique qualities too, you might just need some help to see them Smiley Happy Check out this link about challenging negative thinking - 


Maybe you could also try to imagine how other people who love you see you... What are the first three words that your best friends and family would describe you as? And what do they think your best qualities are? If you're not sure, you could always ask them! Smiley Happy 






Re: Building Self Esteem

Hi @ivory!

This is a great idea. Self esteem is such an important topic! 

To me, self esteem is all about loving yourself. Sometimes we can be our own harshest critics which is a very tough situation, if we become our own cheerleaders then our self esteem can grow and grow! Smiley Very Happy

Re: Building Self Esteem

I have self esteem issues because I need more friends