Communication

I'm a big believer that communication can solve pretty much any (small) problem you have with someone, but a lot of people are kinda bad at communicating. I like to think I'm quite good so I thought I'd share some tips and others could too and it would be a good thread =^-^=

Use lots of "I" statements (I feel, I think, etc). Don't assume or talk in place of the other person. So rather than saying 'you did this to hurt me', you say 'I feel like you did this to hurt me". This way you are talking about the impact the thing has had on YOU, which the other person needs to accept. Things you feel are valid! 

Avoid the blame game. This is probably best shown with examples actually so you wanna avoid this

P1: "You never do the dishes when I ask"

P2: "Well YOU never take the bins out like you're supposed to"

This sort of talk will go around in circles! You wanna solve P1's issue, and if P2's problem is still a problem outside that conversation (and not just used to avoid responsibility) then it should be solved independently. So it could look more like

P1: "You never do the dishes when I ask"

P2: "I'm sorry, I will try to remember. Separate issue though, you need to also take the bins out"

P1: "Sure  I will do this thing." 

Your goal should always be to resolve the issue, rather than hide behind issues you have. 

If you have a problem. Just say it. Just hecking.... come out with it. Write it in a letter if you cant verbally say it. Bringing up an issue is the fastest way to resolve it. Don't bother with signals or hidden messages or mindgames. I know a lot of grown adults who do this and its so tiring. Most problems have an easy fix if you just say so. Once, I had a friend who heard a rumour that I hated him and his fashion sense. Rather than dwelling and building up resentment and gossiping, this friend just asked me if it was true, and I said no, I loved him. The problem was resolved. Simple! 

Also, remember in these talks that you want a solution. You're all working to a common goal. This is especially important with family, friends, and partners. Everyone is saying things from a place of love. 

If you get too worked up and too flustered to have a reasonable talk, remove yourself from the situation. I also make it known to people around me if I get up and leave, its because I'm too angry to talk and I dont want to hurt them. I also have a code with my partner (who has 0 social skills) that if I say "you need to stop" he has to stop talking because what he's saying is hurtful or insensitive, or whatever. 

Make a point to talk in general. Tell your loved ones about your day over dinner or something. Tell them if youre having a bad day. Tell them if youre having a good day. If you look at them and think, "god I love them" then you should say, "god I love you." Talk to your pets. Call your mother and ask how she's doing. We have been gifted with this wonderful ability to use language. Make the most of it.