TW: I’m not safe at home (triggering content so read at discretion)
(Sorry if this has spelling mistakes, I stuck at spelling)
For context my home life has never been safe. I live in what is called ‘a ghetto’ or ‘the hood’ but that’s the least of my problems. I’m not safe cause of my family.
I’ve always had an understanding that my home life is bad even at a young age but, ever since I started occupational therapy I’ve really seen how bad. Occupational therapy to me is really just noticing things and paying someone to listen to your findings, them explaining them to you and them making plans and strategies to help if it’s a bad finding; so, I’ve been paying more attention to my surroundings.
That’s when I started seeing everything and realizing kinda obvious things that flew over my head. Idk if it’s because this has been my life since I was born or if it’s because of autism (probably both) but I digress.
My twin: Is verbally, mentally and physically abusive. This sounds like over exaggeration but let me explain. I haven’t been called my real name by her it about 1 and ½ years. It’s always something along the line of ‘fat bicth’, ‘dumb’ or ‘autistic twat’. Even in public and even in front of teachers. At the beginning I tried to ignore her when she called me this but then she would threaten to hit me, and if I continued to ignore her she would me. This threatening and violence is still an everyday part of my life and once it was so bad she tried to hurt me, all because I didn’t want to do the washing yet (there was a load drying so I was waiting for that and made that very clear). I can keep going but I should continue.
Little sister: All she says are insults. I know I shouldn’t let a literally child get to me but the insults are not like ‘you smell’. There all things ‘You’re a dumb autistic fuck’, ‘useless bitch’, ‘shut the fuck up, you sound like shit and it’s not even in English’ (context: I love singing and its one of my only coping mechanisms but I have gotten into a bad habit of finding really good songs that are not English which annoys my family a lot. Besides that, singing is really important to me; I do lessons and everything so yeah being told that after relentless practice, I’m shit really hurts.) and ‘at least I’m not fat and ugly like you’
Baby sister: She’s not bad but see has pretty obvious autism which means she has lots of meltdowns. Which one are made was by the house and two something I’m allowed to have. To explain in my house, I’m not allowed to have a meltdown (elaborate later), so I find it difficult to deal with it.
Mum: She’s the worst offender. I cannot take it anymore. Her lack of understanding and anger is so bad. Just she is a kid that pays bills, that’s the only way I can describe it. Not only that but she’s also homophobic, transphobic, racist, a massive conspiracy therapist and among many more. Just two hours ago she yelled at me for 15 mins because I was an online match so I couldn’t come get dinner. All because I was 10 minutes I was called ‘dumb’, ‘ungrateful shit’, ‘lazy’ among many more. This a small example of the things she does. All it is yelling from her and if not yelling then nasty remarks on my character like ‘you’re so useless’, ‘you don’t need to eat’ and ‘I hate your voice’.
As I mentioned before I am autistic. What I didn’t mention is that I also that I take medicine for ADHD, Anxiety and Depression. Mum uses this medicine as a crutch (she is not taking them) to blame on any emotions that isn’t emptiness or acting. When being angry or sad it comes down to yelling that ‘I’m just confused/crazy cause I didn’t take my meds’. I sometimes forget to take it as I am human (which mistakes are also not allowed) but I still try to take them when I can. There’s also her crippling Facebook addiction. If she is not insulting us she’s on Facebook and if you need her will yell and berate you till you leave. It’s to the point to it can be labeled as minor child neglect.
There’s honestly so many more things about my home life but in done for today. Sorry for the long read and dumb rant shit.
Comments
To anyone who has commented, just a small note that I have edited out a graphic detail of abuse from the original post and any replies 
Thank you all for your support.
Hey @aria_hymn I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through 😞 No one deserves to be treated this way and to feel unsafe in their own home 😞 You sound like an amazing and resilient person. I want to echo everything @Tiny_leaf said- it's amazing to see such support on here ❤️ We're really proud of you for reaching out and I think Tiny_leaf is right in saying your safety is the most important thing right now. I can't imagine how damaging this ongoing abuse would be 😞 Please don't hesitate to reach out to those numbers if/when you need and if/when it's safe to do so. Fortunately I don't have experience in this situation so I'm limited in knowing what support you might need. I hope the ReachOut staff are able to help somehow, and Tiny_leaf's practical advice is helpful too ❤️
You are always welcome to reach out on here as you deserve to be heard and we care about you ❤️
Btw the singing sounds like an awesome interest! I'm sorry your family is horrid to you about it (and everything else... 😞 ). It sounds like you're really good and work really hard at it! Also being trained in first aid is so cool but it would be awful if you've had to use it in these situations where you've been intentionally hurt 😞 I'm really glad you've got support with your OT and counsellor- are they at all able to intervene to keep you safe?
Hi again @aria_hymn
Sorry for dissapearing, there was a bit of drama over the weekend - it's all sorted now though.
I'm really glad that you've got people who try to intervene.
Not being allowed to have meltdowns sounds really hard...
I was diagnosed late so everyone thought I was just throwing a tantrum when I melted down, and it did not go well for me either.
Anyway, I don't know if your OT has spoken to you about this, but have you identifed the sort of situations that cause a meltdown?
And have you found any ways to coe with those situations so that you don't have to?
Also, I noticed that your siblings seem to use your autism a lot in their insults and in a really negative light.
And I've sort of been wondering how that's affected your relationship with being autistic. Is that anything you'd like to talk about?
It’s okay and it’s good to know your ok. Me and my OT have discussed it a little but we decided to work on other things first. I do have strategies to deal with melt downs and ideas on things that causes them. About my opinion on being autistic, I don’t like being autistic. I understand thou that it is what it is and that it is and that it makes sense. I’m fine for now but thanks for asking to talk about autism. 😊
@aria_hymn that's no problem!
Being autistic can be pretty hard.. If you want me to get some resources on autism acceptance I can, but if not that's all good.
How have you been going?
@aria_hymn it sounds like you've got some great support around you and it sounds like you are quite aware of what works for you and what doesn't. It's great that you are open and willing to accept the help that your OT is offering you. It seems that you are putting the effort in for yourself to self regulate and learn about your triggers. Understanding autism and finding the sense in all of it appears to help you come to term with your diagnosis. It's understandable that your preference would be to not be autistic. In saying that having the acceptance is a very powerful stance to take as you accept yourself for who are are.
Hello @aria_hymn , I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through. It sounds like things have been quite difficult for you for a while. It is great to see the support that Tiny_leaf has provided here. They are spot on with their advice around contacting 000 if you are feeling unsafe and calling 1800 Respect if you would like to talk with a counsellor about what you have been going through. I just wanted to let you know that I will be sending you an email shortly, so please keep an eye out for that 😊.
Hi there @aria_hymn
I just want to say a few things because it sounds like you haven't heard them enough.
You're allowed to eat. You're important. Singing is amazing and it's beautiful that you've found something that you love. You deserve better than how you're being treated.
What's going on is not okay, but you've made a really important step in coming here for help.
At the moment I've got time, internet access and some experience in stuff like this, so I'll do what I can to help, if that's something you'd like.
For context, I'm also autistic and I've also experienced sibling abuse.
I can talk you through some safety tips for the physical stuff, some ways to cope with the emotional/ psycological abuse and some autism-specific coping skills, which I find to be really useful. Plus I have internet access and can look up resources that could help?
Does any of that sound useful? Is there anything else you think would help?
If I'm not bothering you than yes I'd love some tips. Thanks so much for replying back so fast and offering help 🙂
It's no problem, I happened to be online and I know a bit about this.
Firstly, I just want to say that if at any point you become unsafe, don't worry about responding to me and leave the situation straight away. If you need to find a way outside/ to a room with a lock, figure that out now so that you can use it if you need.
Your twin trying to hurt you is really concerning, which is why I started off with pysical safety. So that I don't make this post ridiculously long and so that you aren't waiting ages for a reply, I'll just keep this to safety and make another post for other stuff.
This can be a bit confronting, but it's good to have.
Some safety tips:
- learn your twin's body language, and how it changes before she gets violent. That way you have some time to prepare and leave the area, hopefully before anything happens. My brother's shoulder's would tense up, he would frown a lot, and he's stomp/ stalk around. If I saw that I'd leave the room, or at least keep an eye on him.
- try to notice any patterns. My brother would hurt me when he was frustrated after school, so I always avoided him just after he got home
- find escape routes. Try to make sure that your twin can't corner you. Leave any doors you need to escape through unlocked and preferably open so that you can leave quickly
- find a safe space you can get to if thing get bad. A room that you can lock can work, but I usually prefered to go outside and hide somewhere, especially at night.
- If things get really bad, it might be good to find somewhere that you can stay for a few hours, like a library, or even a shopping centre, park, or petrol station.
I'm also just going to give a few ideas for getting help.
1800respect offers resouces and help for people experiencing family/ domestic violence, and it's definitely worth looking at their resources and maybe contacting one of their counsellors.
If you want to tell someone in person about what's going on, they might be able to help. Just be aware that some people think that sibling abuse is the same thing as sibling rivalry. If the first person doesn't get it, you can always try another.
Find an adult you can trust (maybe your OT, a teacher, aunt/uncle or school counsellor or nurse).
It's best to start with something dramatic so that they understand that things are really serious, and make it clear that you want them to do something. Maybe something like "My twin tried to hurt me, and she might do it again. Can you help me?"
I don't know exactly how bad things are at the moment, but you might want to look up youth shelters in your area (I would do this for you, but for confidentiality and safety reasons it's important that you don't mention where you live here). Try googling "youth shelters [your area]"
Does your school have a school nurse you can see, or are there any doctors in your area you can see confidentially? They can help if you get hurt.
It can also be a good idea to learn first aid (this is a good idea in general, but especially if there's a chance you'll be hurt)
I'm not allowed to provide medical advice myself, but I've found you an online first aid library. Just be aware that the emergency number they list is the New Zealand emergency number, and in Australia you'd need to call 000.
Sorry for the long reply, I fell asleep 😅. Anyway, thanks so much for your help both of and I am first aid trained (I when with my nan as she’s a teacher so she had to get a revise). I’ve tried leaving the house once or twice when things got really bad but that got me in more trouble as my mum doesn’t let me leave the house. I’m only allowed out for school or the one time my baby sister wanted a toy. I.E I’m only allowed to go out if it’s at her convenience (I have no social life).
Anyway, I will outsource to 1800resecpt and I do have a consular at school that I do see. My twin has some obvious signs so I’ll start taking that into account. Also, I’m sorry about your brother @Tiny_leaf. Its awful that there’s someone out there that has/had to suffer especial someone so nice.
Hey @aria_hymn, it is okay to take a while to respond, we understand. It sucks that you have been unable to leave the house when you need space. Are there some other ways that you can feel safe at home? Some people like putting on headphones or hiding under blankets but everyone is different. There might be some other ideas that work better for you. Are there other places you are allowed to go? Like your nans?
We are glad to hear that you have some support throughout this It must be so frightening and difficult for you. You don't have to go through this alone.
I'm glad to hear that your headphones give you some form of escape @aria_hymn. What kind of things do you like to listen to?
