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How to ask for an older friends number
hi everyone I would love some advice. I started high school and I don’t have many friends yesterday I hanged with older kids. One of those girls is in my pc and she’s like an older sister to me. But the thing is my brother knows her because there in the same grade and he’ll tell my parents and they’ll or judge me because I don’t have any friends my age. I don’t know how to ask for her number without being rude. Any help would be appreciated thanks for reading this everyone.
Comments
Hi @Dirtbike_gang 
Thank you for posting on the forums. I don't think there is anything wrong with having friends who may be a little older than you. As long as everyone stays mature and has healthy boundaries and respects each other then I don't think there is an issue.
How do you feel about talking to your parents before your brother does that way you can explain things from your perspective?
Also what has been making things difficult for you to make friends around your own age, not that it's a requirement or anything - I'm just curious if you are happy to share your experience.
In terms of asking for a number from your friend, if you are not comfortable with that yet then maybe you can add them on Instagram, Facebook, or some other social media platform as a way to ease into it.
💙💙💙💙
Hi @Anzelmo
Ive finally come to the desicion that when I get my phone number I'm just going to
get hers. Thanks for reading my post I really appreciate your help. I don't really want to speak to my parents as i would be uncomfortable and I wouldn't really no what to say. Well it's just the people around my age just don't understand me and are silly etc whereas I'm quite mature for my age (we'll all my teachers say that and have since i was young). I don't have any social media but as soon as I get my phone number I'm just going to get hers. I would still love some help and advice though. Thanks again I really appreciate it.
Hi @Dirtbike_gang 
It's good to see that you have some plan and direction on what you are doing next. It's also good that you have the insight to know you are mature and that you have boundaries.
If you're comfortable sharing, how have you been feeling and how have things worked out lately?
💙
Hi@Anzelmo 
So I was talking to her the other day and she wanted to continue talking to me but I had too go. So I said I could give her my messages and she said she doesn't check messages which I know is true because I saw she had over 30 messages notifications.
So now I don't know what to do.
Hi @Dirtbike_gang 
That sounds like it can be frustrating to deal with not having a consistent avenue of communication. How do you feel about giving her a call instead of messages?
Alternatively, are there other social media platforms that she uses more regularly that you can reach out on?
She doesn't use call or messages. She has snap chat Which is the only social media platform she uses but I don't have snap and aren't allowed but I'll have to before she leaves so we can continue contacting each other once she's gone.
Hi @Dirtbike_gang 
It sounds like you were having a great conversation with this person. Is there a chance you might see her again sometime soon? If so, perhaps you could just wait til then to continue your conversation and/or start up a new topic?
Hi @Dirtbike_gang thank you for being brave and sharing with us today. Making friends can be such a hard thing to do, especially when starting at high school where everything is so new. So it is so lovely to hear that you have found someone that you would like to start a friendship with. When it comes to asking for someone's number, it really comes down to what feels more comfortable for you. Some people prefer to come straight out with it and ask if they can stay in touch with them via text or phone call and others prefer a more subtle approach, like asking them for advice on a certain class, assignment or even a mutual tv series. Do any of these options sound like something you might feel comfortable doing? 💜
Hi thanks I appreciate your help a lot. Well it's actually funny because there was another girl in my pc who's in grade 12 that I said like we should keep in contact and than I gave her my email address but with the other one (in grade 11) I really want to but it's weird because she's friends with my brother's girlfriend so she with tell my brothers girlfriend and than she will tell my brother and he will tell my parents and stuff and than they'll judge me because I don't really have friends my age.
Hi @Dirtbike_gang  
I hear what you are saying, it feels uncomfortable asking someone to be a closer friend when you know that the information will get back to your parents.
During high school it can definitely be easier having friends your age because you see them in all your classes and are going through the same things at the same time, however having older friends can also be very normal, especially those that are like siblings – I know I had a few of those friends and became one myself to some younger friends! The older you get, the less your exact ages will matter as everyone changes and develops at their own time 🙂
Could I please ask, why do you think your parents would judge you for having older friends?
And if they did judge you, how would that impact you?
So long as your friends are nice people, it may be comforting for your parents to know you do have friends and company at school. It’s also nice that you have different connections to your brother and may be able to understand him and his life a little better.
Well I don't really no but I've never been a "social kid" I guess you could say. And I've never really had a proper friend my age. I've got some close friends a year older than me that go to other schools but yeah I don't really get along with people my age probably because I'm mature and they act kinda silly I guess. But than I get along with kids that are way younger than me and I love looking after them and being an "older sister" to them you could say and I've always wanted a younger sibling and loved little babies and kids but always hated the idea of having kids. Sorry that's a bit off topic just thought I'd add it. I don't know why they'd judge me it's just when I told them I chatted to the grade 11s for a day they judged me.
I just feel like if my parents found out they would tell me to limit my contact with her. Because my brother thinks she's bad for me whereas I think she could really help me.
Yeah well the thing is I tell my parents that I'm fine as I have great friends where in actual fact I don't really my only friends are basically the girls in year 11. I've never really been a popular kid and never have had many friends whereas my brother was the complete opposite so nobody understood me.
Hi @Dirtbike_gang 
Thanks for replying back to us 😊
I understand not being very social – it can take a lot to form friendships and can be really uncomfortable at times. Everyone develops and changes at their own pace, especially in high school – so you may find different connections with people all throughout your high school years! Are there any people in your classes that you speak to or get along with during your days?
Ahh, I understand why you would be worried about your parents discouraging the friendship. Why does your brother think she is a bad friend for you and in what ways do you see her helping you?
It seems like your parents are concerned for your wellbeing. It must be really hard feeling so misunderstood by your family – do you want to tell us a bit more about that?
Yeah I have one person in my class who I get along with and sit and play with but she plays with "cool kids" and I don't feel like I belong but it'll do for now I guess.
Well she suffers anxiety like me so she acts a bit silly sometimes so people don't know she's anxious and my brother has only seen the crazy side of her whereas I've seen her byself without other grade 11s and she's just a caring, loving individual that makes me feel like I belong.
Well she's already helped me with friend issues but I feel like she could help me with my anxiety, friend issues and many more problems I will face in high school.
Well my parents have never understood me so I've always had to keep my problems to myself. When I've mentioned that I have serve anxiety they just think I'm joking and don't understand what I'm going through.
Thanks for your help, it really helps just knowing I have someone to talk too.
Hello @Dirtbike_gang it’s great that you have found someone that you feel that you get along with, but I am sorry to hear that you feel like you don’t belong. Is this because this is a new group at all? Sounds like you care a lot about your friend as you are very understanding about her behaviour and needs. Sometimes having a friend that we can relate to and be honest with can be so helpful!
It sucks to hear that you have felt like your parents don’t understand you at times, do you have anyone that you feel comfortable talking to about what you have been going through?
Sorry I've been having issues with this website I typed something good but than it deleted.
I think I don't belong because the other people are completely different and we have nothing in common and no similar interests. I also think they don't like me because I'm kinda a tomboy whereas there girly girls.
no I don't have anyone to talk too. I've suffered anxiety and other issues for a couple years now and I've had to deal with all my problems by myself which was quite hard.
Thanks heaps for your support, it really helps
Hey @Dirtbike_gang I am glad that you have found the support on the forums to be helpful 😊. Sorry to hear about why you feel that you don’t belong in the group. Do you feel like you would like to get along with them a bit more?
It sounds like it would be quite hard managing those experiences by yourself without any support. Were there any strategies that you used to help get through those times?
You mentioned that you are planning on asking your friend for her number and would like some more help. Is there anything in particular that you might be worried about?
So I was talking to her today and she wanted to continue talking to me but I had too go. So I said I could give her my messages and she said she doesn't check messages which I know is true because I saw she had over 30 messages notifications.
I don't have any social media but I think next year before she leaves I'm going too so I can still talk to her.
Sounds like you had a great conversation with her and well done for asking if she wanted you to message her.
That sounds like a good idea. I have a lot of friends that live in different places and being able to message them or just see what they are doing on social media makes me feel more connected with them 🙂