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Idk what to do

So me and my close friend have a best friend in our group of three now our third member lies a lot like a lot a lot and all she does is lie and make fun of our body infront of groups of boys. When we tried to confront her it was all about her and she guilt tripped us and blamed everything on her mental illnesses and problems I actually feel very hurt about what she is doing and it’s effecting me.

User167
User167Posted 08-08-2023 09:35 PM

Comments

 
ayrc_1904
ayrc_1904Posted 13-08-2023 03:28 PM

Hi @User167

 

I'm really sorry that you've been experiencing this. It's definitely not ok to be made to feel like this and talked about in a way that's harmful to you. As others have said, poor mental health does not give a free pass to treat others in a disrespectful way. It sounds like you were feeling really disappointed that when you confronted her about it, the response you received wasn't compassionate or apologetic. 

I feel it must have taken you some courage to confront her in the first place and so receiving a response like that must have hurt you. 

 

I'm proud of you for acknowledging and recognising that your feelings were hurt and for standing up for yourself too. 

 

I also wonder whether it may be helpful for you to create boundaries around your friendships, or to try and have an honest conversation with your friend again about your feelings and the dynamics of your friendship? Let me know what you think. ❤️

 
Anzelmo
AnzelmoPosted 13-08-2023 12:49 PM

Hey @User167

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been treated and disrespected that way. 

It must not be nice to have someone who is supposed to be a good friend in your circle, talk about you and your other friend in such a negative way. And I'm sorry she invalidated your hurt and sadness. Regardless of whether that friend has struggles with mental health, it is not ok for her to treat you in such a manner and then not take responsibility for that and apologise afteward. 

 

I can see why you would feel hurt and why this would be affecting you. Especially for the comments to be made about your body in front of boys, that must have felt really upsetting. 

 

As hard as it can be, if this kind of behaviour continues and you and your other friend are continuing to feel hurt, it may be necessary to set some firm boundaries within your friendships. It's important to look after your friends especially when they're struggling with mental health, but it's most important to help yourself. It sounds selfish, but really it's the truth that you need to help yourself before you help others. If you're feeling really low yourself and don't have the capacity in you to do anything more, how can you best support your friends? It's important to look after yourself and take care of your wellbeing too, even if it may mean stepping away from that friendship for a little bit or just creating some more space. 

 

How are you feeling about your friendship with this person after having experienced these things?

 

 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 08-08-2023 10:11 PM

Hey @User167 I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a negative experience with this friend. I think it was very brave of you and your friend to confront her, I imagine that would have been very difficult. 

 

Sounds like this person has some stuff going on, and is behaving very poorly as a response. Even still, having mental health issues is no excuse for being cruel to others, and you and your close friend don't deserve to go through this. 

 

After you confronted her, did she change her behaviour, or has it continued? If it has continued, do you think you and your close friend will want to continue hanging out with her? 

 

Might be something worth chatting to a trusted adult or school counsellor about, especially if it continues. It's not surprising this has impacted you so much, it would be a very distressing thing to have to deal with. 

 

You might find some of our articles helpful - we've got one about How to tell your friend they've hurt you, ways to deal with, or ways to end a toxic friendship, as well as a collection of resources about bullying

 

Keep us posted about how things go if you like, it sounds like a very difficult situation and we're here to support you through it as best we can. 

Welcome back!

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