[CHAT] Don't regret regrets
originally posted on 21-05-2015 12:28 PM
At the end of high school when my ATAR came out, I was disappointed to the say the least. It was enough to get me into university, but I didn’t do as well as I had hoped and I knew I wouldn’t be going to a top tier university like what my family wanted and expected. As this major milestone passed, I began to feel regret. A lot of the time at uni I found myself constantly thinking back to my final year at high school and what I could have done differently. “Why did I put so much energy into drama? It didn’t get me anywhere.” “Why didn’t I choose better scaling subjects?” “I was a good science student why didn’t I choose chemistry and physics?!” “Why did I give up?”
This regret soon grew into bitter resentment and I started to hate my life. Stuck in this negative frame of mind, I wasn’t enjoying the uni experience at all which didn’t help the fact that I was unsure if my course was really the career path I wanted to choose. I was unhappy at the lack of direction in my life. I’ve always had these expectations of success and it just felt like I’ve screwed up my ‘fresh start’ out of high school already.
One day I went pay some unpaid tutoring fees and got the chance to have a chat with my old maths tutor. I opened up to him and told him that right now, I mostly feel regret. I will always remember his advice from that day:
“You can’t keep looking back, behind you, over your shoulder every step of the way. Because if you do you will trip from not seeing what’s in front of you.”
He wanted me to think about the positives and appreciate what I had in front of me. More importantly he wanted me to be aware that there were new goals ahead of me and there wasn’t any time to be dwelling on the past because what’s done is done.
At the end of that semester I took some time off from study. And it’s still one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself. During that time getting away from the books, I got into the grind of life and I grew up emotionally and mentally. I guess like any adult, when a significant amount of time passes your regrets sorta just… fades out a bit. Time does heal all wounds. My regrets didn’t have that same grip on my life like it did earlier at the beginning of the year, I needed to focus on the question at hand ‘do I still want to be doing this course at uni?’
Taking time off gave me a chance to reflect on my life too, reflect on high school with maturity. I should never regret doing drama, I’ve had many wonderful experiences performing and it’s a really big part of what makes me who I am. If I didn’t do drama I would be a completely different person today! I could have done different subjects, but it was exactly what I wanted at the time. I did give up, but I was so tired of school at that point that I just wanted to get out of there and I got what I wanted, at least I can say I did it my way the whole way. I may not be at the ‘best’ uni but I should appreciate the fact that I am the first of my family to get into one. Besides, would I really be happy travelling 2 hours of public transport a day? (I actually love being 15 minutes away from uni ^_^). Overall I’ve got to take the good with the bad and live by those decisions I made and learn from the things I’m not happy about.
“Live a life with no regrets”- it’s one of those mantras that we’d all like to live by and I certainly believe it is possible for everyone to achieve. But living a life with no regrets is not the same as living a life with no mistakes, because that is an impossible expectation for anyone at any stage of their life. Rather it’s about living by your decisions regardless of the outcome and learning from your mistakes. You wouldn’t be who you are now, a little older and wiser if it wasn’t for what happened back then.
So join us on Monday 25th of May to talk all about dealing with regrets and living life to the fullest! Join us right here from 8pm AEST!
Event Details
25 May 2015, 2:00 AM UTC
25 May 2015, 4:00 AM UTC
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originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:18 PM
Looking at the journey of life. I think the reason we have regrets is to learn about ourselves and the things around us. Like @florenceforever said regretting something you didn't do. You don't know what you missed out on learning!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:02 PM
Hi everyone! Welcome to tonight’s Getting Real session! We will be talking all about regrets – whether they are healthy, how to cope, moving on, and more. It will be really interesting to hear what everyone has to contribute.
However, before we get started, be sure to check out the community guidelines. If you feel like you need immediate attention, go to the emergency help.
Now that has been said, let’s get started!
First question:
What are regrets? What do they feel like?
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:09 PM
What are regrets? What do they feel like?
Regrets can be feeling of guilt. When you made a decision that you think you should have done or failed to do. Usually they're things that can't be undone but the trick is to try to live in the present and not in the past.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:15 PM
@FootyFan26 that's right we gotta live in the present!
Our next question is: Why do we have regrets?
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:19 PM
Hey @NutellaBuster awesome blog!!!I felt like I could relate on so many levels...
Why do we have regrets ?
Personally, we have regrets in not doing the things which we really wanted to *as in the things we had a gut feeling towards* I found it that overthinking and over analysing just made me restrict myself from trying new things or scary things which I regretted later!!!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:24 PM
Hey @sunflowers5 glad you liked the blog! We tend to regret alot about school cause we're just so young lol
Do you guys think regrets are 'bad'?
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:28 PM
I don't think all regrets are bad, it all depends on who or what the regret is about
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:28 PM
As has been said before, regrets are a learning curve that everyone goes through. Thay can teach you great lessons in life about a whole range of things.
I think 'a life with no regrets' would be very hard to live since regret is natural.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:31 PM
Agreed with the above! Regrets aren't bad, but how we respond to them can be. If we learn from them, and are kind to ourselves in the process, they're helpful. It's only when we let them have too much power do they become negative.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:28 PM
yeh and I guess because its the only major responsibility we have at that age and it takes up most of our time haha so we can't help but overthink it so many times..Do you think regrets are 'bad'?
Personally, I think overthinking is bad! If we take our regrets and stress about it then yes, the consequences won't be so fruitful.
But if we question ourselves on why we are regretting whatever it is we are regretting and also decide to make a change next time a similar situation comes up.. then I think regretting is super beneficial in helping us get out of our comfort zones..
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:29 PM
@sunflowers5 so it sounds like you are saying that ruminating on regrets is unhealthy? And that it is best to learn and move on?
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:32 PM
I agree with @sunflowers5 we all feel regret and different emotions come for different people. Some people may feel angry while some may get upset. Those feelings are unhealthy if held onto for too long. It's what's learnt that counts.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:31 PM
@tsnyder , definitely! I think its important to realise that dwelling on the past isn't going to change it or make us feel any better about it..
I've learnt the best thing to do .. is laugh it off and learn from it to make sure you make the right decision next time.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:26 PM
I really don't think regrets are 'bad'. WHAT we regret may be bad and at that moment it can make us FEEL bad. But regrets themselves and what they do in helping us to learn are not.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:28 PM
But what if a regretful decision has a permanent effect on an idnividual's life, in that case wouldn't you consider it bad?
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:30 PM
@Chrissyabd Even in that situation... our actions can be bad. But the regret can be a reminder that you should never let that happen again!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:32 PM
@NutellaBuster, agreed, they do serve a beneficial purpose, but I do feel that sometimes they can have a lasting impact!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:34 PM
Choosing the wrong career pathway is something I had regretted for a long while, I left my previous course in my final year, and do always come back to the thought, "if only I had left earlier...". But going through four years of a course I strongly disliked taught me so much about my strengths, my triggers, etc. It also built a great foundation for the course I'm undertaking now. Lesson: There's always a silver lining!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:34 PM
When have you allowed yourself to learn from your regrets? What have you learnt?I have always regretting not putting myself out there more, contributing more and not being afraid to express my opinions.
Once I finished high school this really hit me and I just started to put myself in new situations, meet new people and really be more open-minded!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:38 PM
@sunflowers5 yeah I hear you. I think regretting not being more socially outgoing is a really common one. Has being more outgoing helped you?
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:41 PM
@tsnyder yes definitely! I always doubted myself and realised I could have accomplished so much more and learnt so much more if I just took the plunge.Being more outgoing has helped my heaps!
With expressing my opinions and beliefs, speaking up in class, trying new things which I wouldn't be able to do alone on my own before.. its definitely taught me to believe in myself a great deal and lead to a huge confidence boost! 😄
Great to see you learnt from both lying and bullying... really awesome!!
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:40 PM
I'm still not very outgoing but I'm taking little steps. Footy really helps as I'm comfortable there and enjoy playing it. That's probably when I'm the most outgoing.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:46 PM
@FootyFan26 do you find that sport can be a great common ground on which you can meet other people?
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:48 PM
Defo man. Just being out on the field with people my age and most adults on the sidelines is really nice too. Footy's a great sport not only for your fitness but also your communication skills.
originally posted on 25-05-2015 8:53 PM
@FootyFan26 haha yes, footy players communication skills are second to none! And absolutely. Speaking of footy, I was going to go to Freo v Crows on saturday but something came up - devastated
