[CHAT] Families!
Families are a funny bunch.
But funnily enough, they also come in many shapes and sizes. Your parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, mothers, fathers, step- and half-relatives, friends, pets, co-workers, partners, boyfriends, girlfriends, massive, small, party of oneā¦the list really does go on forever!
The idea of family can mean different things to different people, so itās not the same for everyone. Family does not necessarily mean just your blood ties (people that youāre related to) Thereās not just one kind of family or one āidealā or a āconventionalā view on what that may be. Besides, whatās conventional anyway? š So itās important to acknowledge and respect that families span, far and wide.
Whether this is having people you are close to who care about you, and have your back during tough times, itās also about recognising that youād reciprocate that too. Families have many ways in showing love and compassion for each other in whimsical ways. From buying family blocks of chocolate together, going out and spending time with each other, to signing up for an IKEA Family card or joking around, the joys of chilling out with the fambam is invaluable. However, even if you may consider some people as āfamilyā, it doesnāt mean that they should be feel entitled to favours or respect when theyāre being a d-bag about everything.
It does come to a point where thereās a fine line to draw when helping family out and blood ties are not necessarily the strongest kind of relationship. Helping someone out with a big move, lending money, doing errands, and tasks that may be seen as small things do build up in the end. For those in the know, you may have heard the tutt-tutts and the headshakes when you point out the double-standards or you decide to say ānoā to carrying out familial tasks.
You might have heard:
Yes, truly and surely ā it can be easy to shrug it off and initially feel reluctant to put your foot down. But this kind of behaviour can be problematic and itās important for you and everyone to recognise that. Itās even more important to do some self-care in the process and set some boundaries too. So how do we avoid this, and moreso, how do we deal with it when it becomes worse?
Chat to someone like a counsellor, psychologist, or a social worker, a trusted person outside of the family sphere, or a friend for advice and see how to go about it. Family isnāt exempt from bad behaviour blues and avoiding responsibilities!
But despite this, it doesnāt mean that this canāt improve either! Being a part of a family offers support unlike any other group of people that you may have encountered. Even if it is eating family blocks of chocolate together š
***Whether you have an awesome or not-so-awesome family, looking for advice to help out a friend dealing with their fam, or reluctant to tell your rellies that theyāve gone too far - we want to hear from you! Join us to chat about helping out your friends on Monday 11 May at 8pm, AEST! We'll be talking about how families come in all shapes and sizes!****
@Elsie I know what you mean, you try so hard to work towards that expectation. I'm trying my best to work through it now and want things because I want them for myself, but it's not always easy. But the important thing I guess is that you try your best to live as authentically as you can
Sometimes families will go through tough times, like fights or a shared experience which is tough on everyone. Have you ever experienced this? Or do you know someone who has?
I know my family went through a lot of issues when my sis and I were in the final years of highschool. There was so much pressure put on us and there were quite a few heated discussions.
Sometimes families will go through tough times, like fights or a shared experience which is tough on everyone. Have you ever experienced this? Or do you know someone who has?
i can't really name a specific incident when it comes to my blood family, its more of years and years a problems, rather than a fight one day. But in my support network (that I consider my family) I've had arguments and fights with people and disagreements but we usually sort it out. I know that with some mates at footy its been really hard on the group of us because someone passed away recently but it has bought us closer during the hard time.
Sometimes families will go through tough times, like fights or a shared experience which is tough on everyone. Have you ever experienced this? Or do you know someone who has?
I don't think I have really experienced something as major fights or stuff like that so much, but with my mum being sick and have gone through so much I had some family members with me to help, stuff that happened with mum has been such a hard time, fought with siblings but thats normal with most people
@Dreamer 95 Sorry to hear about that š It can be tough when you're trying to make things easier by helping out but some family members aren't being terribly helpful.
@Dreamer 95 It can be so tough trying to be there to hold someone you love up and support them. Only to watch them and their health rise and fall like the tides of the ocean.
@Elsie welcome!! And yes, the pressure can be intense at times. It's funny how they put so much pressure on without asking what we would like for ourselves and letting us think about it
My family has been around in circles. Just my immediate family can be like sitting in parliament house. Everyone is behind each others back and in each others face. Somedays I just want to walk away.
@Elsie That's awful - the bickering and arguments can get pretty intense and heated. Is there a safe space (i.e. your room, going outside and hanging out at the park, etc) that you could go to when it gets too much?
8. Who would you go to if you were having issues within your family?
My family is my closest and most supportive friends - so I'm not sure, maybe I could go to RO?
But really... my group of friends that make up this family aren't all associated with each other so I can just go to someone else if I have problems. Eg, having problems with a friend at footy, can talk it through with a friend from TAFE.
@j95 Having friends on the outside of the situation can give more a perspective in an objective way. Glad to hear that you have them as your go-to guys and gals!
Thanks for the support. Finding places is hard, I dont live in the safest suburb, I try to use my sport but its hard to balance with my study. And my dads got like a 24 hour open door policy rule. Makes it kinda hard but everyday that im here is another day that i have lived through the antics of my awkward and crazy family.
@Dreamer 95 what a great outcome! Sometimes standing up to them is all it takes
@j95 kudos to you!! It's not easy getting help, and its great to see that you are doing so much better!!
If you have, or if you know someone who has, what did you/they do about it?
For me and most of the other people who went through the parental education pressuring, it mostly died down, but I know a few friends who are still feeling the pressure and staying in a course they don't like. They are putting up with it, but I wonder how long they will be able to stick it out for
@j95 not all parents have the best intentions or ideas, but you don't have to be around them forever. Also kudos to you for getting yourself out of there and working towards a better life for yourself, as well as being a kind soul to everyone around you!!
@Myvo culture clashing can be so difficult to manage! It's hard to reconcile what you know and grew up with at school and at other places outside the home with what your parents grew up with and what they think of the culture you were immersed in throughout your life
@j95 sometimes parents don't really act the way they ought to or show us the kind of relationship we would like. I'm so sorry for what you had to go through, and we'll always be here if you need support 
Its possible that family members sometimes donāt do the nicest or most caring things. Have you ever experienced this? Or do you know someone who has?
I'm not going to make it all about me or go into too much detail but basically my parents aren't/weren't the greatest people in the world...
@j95 Aw, me too. It sucks š True that we can go into detail, but some things are best left in the past. But it doesn't mean that things can't get better for us!
6. If you have, or if you know someone who has, what did you/they do about it?
