[CHAT] Families!
Families are a funny bunch.
But funnily enough, they also come in many shapes and sizes. Your parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, mothers, fathers, step- and half-relatives, friends, pets, co-workers, partners, boyfriends, girlfriends, massive, small, party of oneā¦the list really does go on forever!
The idea of family can mean different things to different people, so itās not the same for everyone. Family does not necessarily mean just your blood ties (people that youāre related to) Thereās not just one kind of family or one āidealā or a āconventionalā view on what that may be. Besides, whatās conventional anyway? š So itās important to acknowledge and respect that families span, far and wide.
Whether this is having people you are close to who care about you, and have your back during tough times, itās also about recognising that youād reciprocate that too. Families have many ways in showing love and compassion for each other in whimsical ways. From buying family blocks of chocolate together, going out and spending time with each other, to signing up for an IKEA Family card or joking around, the joys of chilling out with the fambam is invaluable. However, even if you may consider some people as āfamilyā, it doesnāt mean that they should be feel entitled to favours or respect when theyāre being a d-bag about everything.
It does come to a point where thereās a fine line to draw when helping family out and blood ties are not necessarily the strongest kind of relationship. Helping someone out with a big move, lending money, doing errands, and tasks that may be seen as small things do build up in the end. For those in the know, you may have heard the tutt-tutts and the headshakes when you point out the double-standards or you decide to say ānoā to carrying out familial tasks.
You might have heard:
Yes, truly and surely ā it can be easy to shrug it off and initially feel reluctant to put your foot down. But this kind of behaviour can be problematic and itās important for you and everyone to recognise that. Itās even more important to do some self-care in the process and set some boundaries too. So how do we avoid this, and moreso, how do we deal with it when it becomes worse?
Chat to someone like a counsellor, psychologist, or a social worker, a trusted person outside of the family sphere, or a friend for advice and see how to go about it. Family isnāt exempt from bad behaviour blues and avoiding responsibilities!
But despite this, it doesnāt mean that this canāt improve either! Being a part of a family offers support unlike any other group of people that you may have encountered. Even if it is eating family blocks of chocolate together š
***Whether you have an awesome or not-so-awesome family, looking for advice to help out a friend dealing with their fam, or reluctant to tell your rellies that theyāve gone too far - we want to hear from you! Join us to chat about helping out your friends on Monday 11 May at 8pm, AEST! We'll be talking about how families come in all shapes and sizes!****
@Dreamer 95 good point! You want to be with people you trust and you feel like you have a strong and honest relationship with. Living with people who you aren't so closely bonded with can be difficult and even exhausting
What does āfamilyā mean to you? Who in your life would you call āfamilyā?
For me, family would be a network of people who mutually support each other and show love to one another. According to this definition, my biological family wouldn't quite fit. I have a group of friends though that are basically this, and it's wonderful being them. Also certain relatives like my sister and a few of my cousins I would also consider family
@Snakem welcome!! Sometimes when you get into a new relationship other relationships can get compromised, but its good to know your family still welcomed you back and that you are enjoying their company again!!
@Dreamer 95 such a good point! Family can be about being with people who want to be with you too
@N1ghtW1ng it can be tough dealing with highly religious family members, I know my family has a few and they're not exactly the easiest to get along with
@Dreamer 95 helloo!! That's interesting that you have both biological family and friends in your family. It seems like family for you is about the bonds between everyone in it
Family to me is people who you love and who want to be around for you, but also have a great bond
@Dreamer 95 I've never really had anyone closer to me that I could call family not related by blood except for a couple of people but it's so true that strong bonds can create new family.
@N1ghtW1ng That really sucks š Some family can be angering - I'd be angry too if a rellie got into arms because I didn't agree with them (and they think they're right!) It's good to hear that your mum is working on improving herself and on keeping the connection going.
But man... my aunts, and my grandmum. They are, to say the least, painful. I really wish I could love them. I'm not saying I don't, because there's the blood relations that I can't ignore and I love them for that but I just feel so, kind of a disappoint in them.
@N1ghtW1ng It can be super awful to hang out with rellies you don't even like. I think that one of the great things about family though is that you can choose who is there for you and can support you through tough times. Blood or not, it's all about caring for each other.
Family is firstly, blood relations. Your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents and so on. Then it's those who you have strong bonds with, friends and so on.
When I say family, I refer to my parents and siblings. Sometimes meaning one of my aunts and my grandad, then my cousin on my dad's side. Then extended family to mean the rest.
Alrighty, our next question!
2. What does āfamilyā mean to you? Who in your life would you call āfamilyā?
2. What does āfamilyā mean to you? Who in your life would you call āfamilyā?
Family means a close bond between multiple people or people who are close, either blood or non blood, people who I call family, as I said before someone who I can trust my life with but also have a great and close bond, someone or people who are willing to be there for me, people who I love.
@Dreamer 95 Awesome that you've mentioned that family isn't just blood ties! We usually think family is just people that we're related to, and that's simply not true!
@N1ghtW1ng welcome!! And yes extended family! Aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents can be considered family as well. I remember my maternal grandmother and aunt were part of my family when I was very young, to help my mum raise me
And friends are so important too, less judgemental.
The reason why I'm at such odds against my grandmum is because she is highly religious and almost pushes it onto us. While I feel more like my dad (athiest) she doesn't like that.
She has actually said to me that she's disappointed I don't believe in the fact that I don't think Jesus was a messiah. Which angered me.
I also feel like the definition of family can change over time, especially if your biological family isn't great at supporting you or if you have to move far away from them. Family can mean a support network around you which helps you in lots of different ways
@Myvo I think thats another difference between my 'blood relations' and my friends - they support me in a lot of different ways which my biological family don't, although that's probably what you expect from good friends
Hey everyone!! Welcome to tonightās Getting Real Session!! Tonight we will be discussing family ā what family means to you, how you love your family, and what to do when youāre not quite getting along with them. Iāll be co-facilitating along with @Myvo, so hope you guys get into it and enjoy it!
Just a reminder to look at the community guidelines if you havenāt already, and remember these when you are chatting tonight. If you ever feel like things are getting a bit too intense, please have a look at our emergency help resources
So letās begin:
How would you describe your family? Is it made up of āblood relationsā, like your immediate or extended family? Or is it a network of trusted friends?
I do have a biological family that I live with, but honestly I feel like Iām much closer to my network of friends. It helps that my friends are less judgemental than my biological family, and Iāve been through some tough times with them which brings you all a lot closer
Hey Guys !
How would you describe your family? Is it made up of āblood relationsā, like your immediate or extended family? Or is it a network of trusted friends?
I would describe my family as close but crazy in our own way, I have my family which is mostly made up of blood relatives, also I have my best friend who i have known for over 9 years and she is pretty much like a sister to me, I also have other friends and family friends who are close but not as much as others
All I can say is that it is a close family who enjoy others company
Oh hey there @Dreamer 95!
Omgsh, I've also got friends who I've known for ages who are a lot like adopted 'sisters'. Totally agree that closeness really does vary between family members too!
It's weird, my relationship with my family has improved tenfold since I broke up with my partner 6 months ago. It was as if there was this great divide between me and mum as if I ever had a problem I'd run off to my girlfriend. Now I love being at home and am catching up on everything I've missed haha
