Whether you think you can or think you can’t – you are right.
How many times have you heard the saying 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away'? It's main idea is that if you look after your physical health and eat well that you'll stay healthier. The same could be applied to using positive thinking and nurturing your self esteem to keep you mentally healthy! Do you ever get into negative thought patterns or just find it easier to be more caring towards others than yourself? It can be hard to think positively about ourselves and our worth but the outcomes can be worth so much more.
This Monday 27th August at 8pm AEST we will be digging deep and looking at why it's important to have a positive self-image and how we can achieve this.
In preperation you might like to check out the following fact sheets:
Challenging negative thinking: http://au.reachout.com/Challenging-negative-thinking
Working out your strengths: http://au.reachout.com/Working-out-your-strengths
How to build confidence: http://au.reachout.com/How-to-build-self-confidence
Excellent thank you lightuptheworld and gail for running the session tonight.
Thanks for the summary LUTW!
And thanks to everyone who joined in - it was great to hear your thoughts! Maybe we should take those positives we identified about ourselves and put them somewhere to remind us that we're pretty okay 🙂
Goodnight guys, have a good week!
Hmmm...I'll have to dig deep for this one.
What are three awesome, unique, positive things about YOU?
I have been told I'm very calming (but not to myself!)
Good listener and hear what I'm being told
Open and welcoming
That sounds like it was a really awesome way to help your friend sagira 🙂
What are three awesome, unique, positive things about YOU?
Hmm. This is a tough one...
1. I like helping people.
2. I always try my best.
3. I am creative.
Yay!
To answer my own question...
1. I'm a good friend.
2. I do my best to make a positive difference.
3. I try to see the positive in everything.
@gail Oh you're all over it!! Awesome tips there.
I always seem to know exactly what to say to a friend and allow them to view things from other perspectives. If only I would take it on board myself a little more!
Sometimes it's easier to think positively about others than about ourselves… If you had a friend who was feeling down on themselves, what might you suggest to them to help them feel better about themselves?
Oh I'm very good at accepting others exactly how they are!! Well, what I would say would directly depend on the situation and why they were feeling down in the first place.
For example: My friend messaged me saying she wasn't coming to uni because she'd been losing her vision for the last few weeks, went to her GP and was told she may have cataracts and it was blamed on her pregnancy. She felt like she had to quit her photography course, 'how am I supposed to take photos if I can't even see?'
First off I said I highly doubt she has cataracts (I worked for an eye specialist...so I know a little bit about it) as they wouldn't be able to develop so quickly. I then told her that her photography assessment was involved around the area of surrealism, so I said to use it as a concept for her work and use the vision problem as inspiration.
Lo and behold, she does not have cataracts and has taken my idea on board. She was absolutely freaking out and I settled her.
@Gail Questioning your thoughts!! That's a good one.
@sagira: I hadn't actually thought of looking for patterns emerging but that is a really good point. I might go over what I've written and see what I can glean. I definitely have a greater awareness of what things in particular I tend to have negative thoughts about myself around now though, so I guess that is a pattern of sorts.
Sometimes it's easier to think positively about others than about ourselves… If you had a friend who was feeling down on themselves, what might you suggest to them to help them feel better about themselves?
I definitely find it easier to think positively about others than myself. If I had a friend in this situation I would tell them to try and focus on the things that they are doing rather focusing on any perceived failings, and write a list of positives about themselves and keep it where they can see it. I would also volunteer to help if they were having trouble with the list 🙂
What do you think could help you be able to overcome negative thinking about yourself? Have you got any tools or strategies for challenging negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself?
It's all about acceptance. Accepting yourself as you are in this present moment and not thinking about how you would like to see yourself, as that's not helpful and will only continue the negative thought process and cause you to self evaluate.
For me...I can get rid of the negative thinking by remembering that the negative thoughts are not me. They are not who I am, it is my ego needing to latch on and identify to something. Even the negative thoughts...because that in itself is an identity. I am consciousness realising I'm having the thought.
@_sagira_ wrote:
It's all about acceptance. Accepting yourself as you are in this present moment and not thinking about how you would like to see yourself, as that's not helpful and will only continue the negative thought process and cause you to self evaluate.
For me...I can get rid of the negative thinking by remembering that the negative thoughts are not me. They are not who I am, it is my ego needing to latch on and identify to something. Even the negative thoughts...because that in itself is an identity. I am consciousness realising I'm having the thought.
Love this! It's so true - our flaws do not define who we are!
I find that for me the negative thoughts that I have about myself aren't necessarily true... So I find it useful to ask myself things like "what is the evidence for that?" or "how do you know that's true?", which can help me realise that maybe the way I see myself isn't completely accurate. I also sometimes ask friends or family - getting their perspective can be really helpful! And if my negative thoughts about me ARE true (which they sometimes are - none of us are perfect) then yep, acceptance and remembering that just because there are negatives to me doesn't mean that I'm a terrible person, or that those negatives define me.
I totally agree with this quote. I think that our perceptions of ourselves have a huge impact on the way we identify ourselves, and from that, what we choose to do (or not do). If we don't believe that we're capable, it's less likely that we're going to put ourselves out there and try - which I don't think is a good thing at all. On the other hand, if we believe in ourselves and are able to think positively about ourselves, we're more likely to try harder and to set ourselves goals - and if we don't achieve them, we're able to challenge the negative thoughts that come up and continue to see ourselves positively, even if we didn't achieve exactly what we were aiming for.
Do you think that the way we think about ourselves/identify ourselves can have an impact on our ability to reach our goals?
I think it depends what you're striving for. For me personally, no...because I know from past experiences it didn't matter what I thought of myself it would never stop me from persuing my goals. I would never lose motivation, in fact it was probably a distraction from thinking about myself!!
Saying that, someone who wants to be in the spotlight, or a power of authority etc Might find it difficult being the centre of attention. A lot of people are good at putting on a facade though and acting out an alter ego, so that's how they get past that. For others...it just doesn't work.
@_sagira_ wrote:
Do you think that the way we think about ourselves/identify ourselves can have an impact on our ability to reach our goals?
I think it depends what you're striving for. For me personally, no...because I know from past experiences it didn't matter what I thought of myself it would never stop me from persuing my goals. I would never lose motivation, in fact it was probably a distraction from thinking about myself!!
Saying that, someone who wants to be in the spotlight, or a power of authority etc Might find it difficult being the centre of attention. A lot of people are good at putting on a facade though and acting out an alter ego, so that's how they get past that. For others...it just doesn't work.
I think that's a great point Sagira! Some things are definitly more realistic to strive for. I think it's great that you were able to persue your goals no matter how you were feeling at the time. Also, I think you noted something really important- motivation can have a big impact. Do you think being positive/realistic about your abilities could have had a impact on your motivation?
@Lightuptheworld wrote:
@_sagira_ wrote:Do you think that the way we think about ourselves/identify ourselves can have an impact on our ability to reach our goals?
I think it depends what you're striving for. For me personally, no...because I know from past experiences it didn't matter what I thought of myself it would never stop me from persuing my goals. I would never lose motivation, in fact it was probably a distraction from thinking about myself!!
Saying that, someone who wants to be in the spotlight, or a power of authority etc Might find it difficult being the centre of attention. A lot of people are good at putting on a facade though and acting out an alter ego, so that's how they get past that. For others...it just doesn't work.I think that's a great point Sagira! Some things are definitly more realistic to strive for. I think it's great that you were able to persue your goals no matter how you were feeling at the time. Also, I think you noted something really important- motivation can have a big impact. Do you think being positive/realistic about your abilities could have had a impact on your motivation?
Hmmm...well my psychologist tells me I really lack confidence in my ability. Which is really true. She tells me I am a perfectionist, which I outright denied the first time she even suggested it. But after some thought I realised she was actually right. I don't call it perfectionism, I call it an exceptionally high standard.
EDIT: I had more in here but it disappeared!! O_O
So yes...being positive and realistic is important to motivate you, because if you're not, how on earth is the goal actually attainable if all you're having is negative thoughts?
Yes gail I do feel like we're told as a society to constantly keep 'improving' ourselves. It's no wonder we never feel adequate enough. There's such a high expectation on your performance all the time.
@_sagira_ wrote:Yes gail I do feel like we're told as a society to constantly keep 'improving' ourselves. It's no wonder we never feel adequate enough. There's such a high expectation on your performance all the time.
I totally agree _sagira_
Yes definitely, Gail.
I have noticed this at work a lot lately... there is one manager especially who is ALWAYS telling us what we can do better or what we are not doing right, yet she NEVER tells us anything that we are doing well... It gets me down after a while and just the workplace in general doesn't praise you... at all. It's something I think workplaces should think about and do more often - little things like employer of the week or giving you positve feedback once a week... They would be a great confidence booster!
And yes, totally agree about feedback from assignments - although I do get a fair bit of positive feedback on essays/lab reports (it depends on the individual tutor, I think though!)... Little comments like "good", "great". But there are probably more negatives pointed out.
@gail wrote:I do think that everyone experiences some level of negativity towards themselves - whether or not they accept those thoughts/beliefs as truth is a different matter. I guess it's important that even though we all have those thoughts, we learn to manage them and challenge them in order to think about ourselves more positively.
Totally agree gail.
A lot of people find it easier to come up with negatives about themselves rather than positives - why do you think this might be?
For me it comes from being in habit of using negative thought patterns and having low self esteem, so I tend to automatically jump to negative conclusions about myself based on that. Another reason why might be that the the person may have had negative beliefs about themselves reinforced by other people (through bullying etc.).
@delicatedreamer wrote:
For me it comes from being in habit of using negative thought patterns and having low self esteem, so I tend to automatically jump to negative conclusions about myself based on that.
A lot of people find it easier to come up with negatives about themselves rather than positives - why do you think this might be?
I agree, I've had issues with that too DD. I think for me I had low self-esteem anyway and I just got into the habit of being negative about myself and regarding others as better, etc- and habits can be hard to break.
@delicatedreamer wrote:
For me it comes from being in habit of using negative thought patterns and having low self esteem, so I tend to automatically jump to negative conclusions about myself based on that. Another reason why might be that the the person may have had negative beliefs about themselves reinforced by other people (through bullying etc.).
Yep, I agree with these. I think society also plays a role - we're often so focused on pointing out the negatives or comparing ourselves to others, and we forget to acknowledge what we're good at.
@gail wrote:
@delicatedreamer wrote:For me it comes from being in habit of using negative thought patterns and having low self esteem, so I tend to automatically jump to negative conclusions about myself based on that. Another reason why might be that the the person may have had negative beliefs about themselves reinforced by other people (through bullying etc.).
Yep, I agree with these. I think society also plays a role - we're often so focused on pointing out the negatives or comparing ourselves to others, and we forget to acknowledge what we're good at.
Yes absolutely! That is a really good point. We love in such an achievement focused society it can be really hard when don't live up to the expectations (real or imagined) of other people and society in general.
Why do you think some people are more positive about themselves than others?
I think it's maybe a matter of self worth and what you think is important. Those that are positive may know and understand that the body they have is the only one they're gonna get in this lifetime. They embrace that was confidence and they live through it.
Do you think it's important to feel good about yourself? How do you think the way we feel about ourselves might impact other areas our lives?
Sorry replies weren't working before!!
I think it's so important to feel good about yourself. If you're not feeling good about yourself it can bring down every aspect of your life - your studies, your work, your socialising.
