Whether you think you can or think you can’t – you are right.
How many times have you heard the saying 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away'? It's main idea is that if you look after your physical health and eat well that you'll stay healthier. The same could be applied to using positive thinking and nurturing your self esteem to keep you mentally healthy! Do you ever get into negative thought patterns or just find it easier to be more caring towards others than yourself? It can be hard to think positively about ourselves and our worth but the outcomes can be worth so much more.
This Monday 27th August at 8pm AEST we will be digging deep and looking at why it's important to have a positive self-image and how we can achieve this.
In preperation you might like to check out the following fact sheets:
Challenging negative thinking: http://au.reachout.com/Challenging-negative-thinking
Working out your strengths: http://au.reachout.com/Working-out-your-strengths
How to build confidence: http://au.reachout.com/How-to-build-self-confidence
YAY...okay I can comment now. Must have taken you guys a little while to figure out what was going on. 😛
Do you think it's important to feel good about yourself? How do you think the way we feel about ourselves might impact other areas our lives?
I know that when I was about 17-19 I pretty much couldn't stand myself. I never looked at myself in mirrors unless I absolutely had to and I would even avoid going out. Now I still don't look in mirrors too much...but it never stops me going out.
So yes it is really important that you're comfortable in your own skin, as it can creep into social aspects of your life.
Hey guys!
So… Tonight we'll be talking about how to feel good about ourselves! It's so easy to get caught up focusing on our shortcomings, but it's really important that we learn ways to nurture our self esteem so that we can all be the best that we can be.
As always, remember to keep the discussion within the guidelines (which you can see by hovering over the 'Forums' tab), and if something comes up that you feel like you need to talk to someone about, there are people who can help - just click the 'Emergency help and info' tab up the top of your page.
To start us off… Do you think it's important to feel good about yourself? How do you think the way we feel about ourselves might impact other areas our lives?
Hey everyone. 🙂 I'll be co-facilitating with Gail tonight. 🙂
Hey guys, sorry I'm late! Replies weren't working for some reason...
Do you think it's important to feel good about yourself? How do you think the way we feel about ourselves might impact other areas our lives?
I absolutely do think it's important to feel good about yourself. I think the way we feel about ourselves can impact our mood, how productive we are, our motivation to do things, how we interact with other people and whether we have a go at something new/ difficult or not... They're the main ones that I can think of, but there are probably others too.
Hey Sagira, DD & Em! Thanks for joining us 🙂
Sorry you couldn't reply, I'm not sure why that was happening... it's the first session LUTW and I have run in the new forums so we're kind of learning as we go!
Like you've all said, there are loads of ways that the way we feel about ourselves can impact the rest of our lives. I think it can effect pretty much everything - if we don't feel good, we're going to act differently, think differently, etc. Thanks for the examples guys!
No problem gail, technology isn't always on our side.
Yeah I agree with what everyone else has said. It pretty much dictates how you feel and act in all aspects of your life.
Awesome thoughts so far everyone! Keep them coming!
Next we're curious to find out: Why do you think some people are more positive about themselves than others?
@gail: Don't worry about it, as _sagira_ said, sometimes the technology isn't on our side!
Why do you think some people are more positive about themselves than others?
That's a good question. Some people are just naturally like that I think, it's just part of their personality. Others try to focus on the positives in things I think, and are kind to themselves and are proud when they do things well... I don't really know why though. Because they have higher self esteem maybe? This is really hard!
I agree with you DD - I think how positive we are about ourselves is a combination of things: how we are naturally, as well as practice learning to be kind to ourselves! I do think that everyone experiences some level of negativity towards themselves - whether or not they accept those thoughts/beliefs as truth is a different matter. I guess it's important that even though we all have those thoughts, we learn to manage them and challenge them in order to think about ourselves more positively.
Next question...
A lot of people find it easier to come up with negatives about themselves rather than positives - why do you think this might be?
Hey guys,
Just dropping in, might stick around but probably not as I'm cold and tired!!!
Do you think it's important to feel good about yourself? How do you think the way we feel about ourselves might impact other areas our lives?
Of course, but I also think it's important to be aware of our "negatives" too. It's never good to focus just on the positives or just on the negatives. It can impact on every aspect of our life - our confidence is important for how we approach life in general, how we do at school/uni/work, how we interact with others etc.
Why do you think some people are more positive about themselves than others?
It's just individual differences I guess. And often if you get more feedback, it will mean you feel more positive about yourself. It's like if you get a new haircut and get heaps of positive comments about it, it can make you feel more positive about yourself in every day life! Some people who get complimented a lot about various parts of themselves, then it means they feel more positive in general.
A lot of people find it easier to come up with negatives about themselves rather than positives - why do you think this might be?
Often I think our negatives are pointed out to us more than our positives so it's easier for us to pinpoint them. It's very much a matter of self-esteem though and how things in your life are generally going!
MM
Thanks for dropping by MM! Totally agree with you on the need to be aware of both our negatives and positives - balance is key though!
That's an interesting thought that our negatives are pointed out to us more than our positives, but I think you might be onto something. It's kind of what I was trying to get at with the thought that society is very focused on achievement and constant self improvement. I know for me in my experiences through school, uni, work etc, the feedback I've gotten from others has more often been focused on what I could do better, rather than acknowledging and praising the things I'm already doing well. Is this similar for others?
@MM: Agreed, it's definitely important to be aware of our negatives too. My problem is being too aware of them, haha.
@LUTW: Agreed, once you're in the habit it's really hard to break.
@gail: Yeah, I have had similar experiences at work, school and uni. You so much more often you hear what you are doing wrong or need to improve on rather than what are you doing well. Like when you get feedback sheets back for assignments. There is a massive outline of what needs improvements, but only ticks next to the things I did well - I would like to actually see details of what was good about what I did too!
Those are some great points on why some people are more negative than others. 🙂
This is one of Gail's favourite quotes: "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right" (Henry Ford). Do you think that the way we think about ourselves/identify ourselves can have an impact on our ability to reach our goals?
That's a really good quote gail and LUTW. Very true.
Do you think that the way we think about ourselves/identify ourselves can have an impact on our ability to reach our goals?
Yeah I do. As I said before, if I feel bad about myself I don't have the motivation to try hard to reach my goals, or even attempt them as I don't think I will succeed anyway. Which as that quote above points out, is a self-fulfilling prophecy and reinforces the thought that I can't achieve my goal.
@delicatedreamer wrote:
Which as that quote above points out, is a self-fulfilling prophecy and reinforces the thought that I can't achieve my goal.
I think it can be a bit of a cycle - belief that we're not capable --> not putting in as much effort because we don't think we'll achieve anyway --> not achieving --> reinforces believe that we're not capable. It's a tough one!
Hmmm... Interesting thoughts guys! Keep them coming 🙂
What do you think could help you be able to overcome negative thinking about yourself? Have you got any tools or strategies for challenging negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself?
What do you think could help you be able to overcome negative thinking about yourself? Have you got any tools or strategies for challenging negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself?
Fighting negative thinking is like an ongoing process for me. I use a lot of thought challenging questions from the Challenging Negative Thoughts factsheet that is linked to on the front page of this thread, and I also frequently use the 'what are you proud of' and 'turning negatives into positives' threads on here to help me recognise my achievements and keep my thoughts a bit more positive and realistic. I also write them in a book which is like my 'positivity book'. I also reward myself when I do well so I am making sure that I am really recognising the positives because sometimes I just think 'oh that was good' and just let it slide, whereas I spend much longer dwelling on the negatives. So it's attempt to balance out the importance of the positives and the negatives I guess. Am keen to hear others tips!
@delicatedreamer wrote:
What do you think could help you be able to overcome negative thinking about yourself? Have you got any tools or strategies for challenging negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself?
Fighting negative thinking is like an ongoing process for me. I use a lot of thought challenging questions from the Challenging Negative Thoughts factsheet that is linked to on the front page of this thread, and I also frequently use the 'what are you proud of' and 'turning negatives into positives' threads on here to help me recognise my achievements and keep my thoughts a bit more positive and realistic. I also write them in a book which is like my 'positivity book'. I also reward myself when I do well so I am making sure that I am really recognising the positives because sometimes I just think 'oh that was good' and just let it slide, whereas I spend much longer dwelling on the negatives. So it's attempt to balance out the importance of the positives and the negatives I guess. Am keen to hear others tips!
I love this idea of a positivity book! I definitely need one of these.
In my wallet I have a few post its that friends have written for me - about the things they love about me. When I'm having a really hard day thinking negatively about myself, pulling them out always makes me smile and helps put things in perspective. I used to have post its stuck to my mirror too with things that I liked about myself/things that I think are my strengths, so when I was getting ready in the morning I'd see them and it would help me get a positive start to my day.
Something as simple as posting in "what are you proud of" or writing a list of good things about yourself/things you've achieved today can make such a difference.
(Yes, I love post its)
Awesome tips and strategies! I might have to note them down and try a few myself. 🙂
Next question: Sometimes it's easier to think positively about others than about ourselves… If you had a friend who was feeling down on themselves, what might you suggest to them to help them feel better about themselves?
@Lightuptheworld wrote:
Sometimes it's easier to think positively about others than about ourselves… If you had a friend who was feeling down on themselves, what might you suggest to them to help them feel better about themselves?
1. Don't necessarily trust your thoughts about yourself: challenge them, get others' opinions - make sure that you're not letting biased thoughts/beliefs impact you too much.
2. Remember that you are not defined by your strengths and weaknesses! Everyone has both, but we are much more than that.
3. Keep your strengths and positives about yourself in the front of your mind - set reminders in your phone, check in with friends to find out what they appreciate about you, write a list of your best qualitites/strengths, hide letters to yourself in places where you'll find them when you're not expecting it.
4. Reward your achievements! It's easy to ruminate over our failures, but often I think we forget to praise ourselves when we do well. Do something tangiable when you achieve something - treat yourself with chocolate, buy something you've wanted for a while, go see a movie, etc.
Good ideas guys! & Sagira it sounds like you really helped out your friend - that's awesome!
So... Now to think about yourself. What are three awesome, unique, positive things about YOU?
What are three awesome, unique, positive things about YOU?
Wow that's hard!
1. I'm a good listener.
2. I'm caring towards others and love helping them.
3. I've improved a lot mentally and academically over the last year.
Woot! Look at all those positives about ourselves! 😄
Thanks for joining us tonight everyone. Your thoughts and ideas have been amazing! Here's a summary of what we discussed. 🙂
We all agreed that it was really important to feel positively about ourselves. Several was this could impact on our lives includes impacting on our self image and self-esteem, how we act and think, effect our performance at work, school/uni and in other areas like volunteering. It can also effect the way we socialise, our motivation levels and whether we attempt new things and branch out. However it can be important to acknowledge the negatives too so we can reach a balance, so long as we don't dwell on them.
Some people might be more positive than others because they have a better self worth, higher self-esteem and a clearer understanding of their values/skills, they understand and take care of their body (physical and mental health can impact each other). For some it's in their nature or personality, their experiences and how others treat them, and how they choose to treat themselves (we can practise self care and build ourselves up).
Many people find it easier to come up with negatives about themselves rather than positives. Some reasons why this might be are that we get into negative thought patterns and the habit of labelling ourselves or viewing ourselves badly and it can be difficult to change it. Sometimes it could be that that's what others have pointed out to us or that we've had others reinforce those negative thoughts in some way whether at school, work, by our friends or family, etc.
Gail shared one of her favourite quotes: "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right" (Henry Ford).
You identified that how you feel about yourself, especially if it's negative, can impact on how well you can reach your goals. DD pointed out that she can sometimes get into a bit of a cycle and become a self fulfilling prophecy and Gail then provided the example of a negative cycle: "belief that we're not capable --> not putting in as much effort because we don't think we'll achieve anyway --> not achieving --> reinforces believe that we're not capable."
Leading on from that we discussed how you could overcome negative thinking. Acceptance was one suggestion and realising that you are who you are now. Try to balance your thinking out and not dwell on the negatives and look at how you could view them differently.
The tools or strategies you had for challenging negative thoughts of beliefs about yourself included: separating yourself from the negative thoughts, reminding yourself that they are not you and looking for replacements for them. Using the thought-challenging questions from the Challenging Negative Thinking factsheet and the Turning Positives to Negatives thread on the forums. Question whether there's evidence for your thoughts. Keep a positivity book or use post-it notes to remind you of the good things about yourself and what you do- or get some friends to write some warm fuzzies for you!
Sometimes it's easier to think positively about others than about ourselves… If you had a friend who was feeling down on themselves some of your suggestions to them to help them feel better about themselves were helping them to see the positives in situations and to write a list of positives about themselves. Also to focus on the now, what they're doing and what they can change rather than what has already happened in the past.
We finished by looking at 3 positive things about ourselves. 🙂 If you're reading this some time after the session try to think of some about yourself!
