Buggered up lower back

Hi @SNUFFLES! I'm sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. It sounds like the doctors are being a bit dismissive. It's really awful when chronic pain stops you from doing the things you love and being able to function. While your situation is different to ours, my family has gone through similar experiences and I'd like to share some of the things I've learned along the way.

My sister has to use mobility aids. While it's frustrating that she can no longer walk, sometimes there were a lot of positives of using the aids. We were able to get easier access to rides, unobstructed views of events and special taxis. Staff often went above and beyond to accommodate her and ensure that she could still enjoy holidays and fun outings. I think accessibility is improving overall. I know that for some people it can be really hard to accept though and they don't want to be pitied or receive special benefits.

Another thing that helped us when we had chronic pain was to put our issues in perspective. There was always someone out there who had it worse than us. When my sister was still using crutches after having knee pain and surgery, I used to see cases of complex regional pain syndrome and people who were less mobile and think, 'Thank God she's not like that'. But lo and behold, she ended up getting a severe form of CRPS and functional neurological disorder and is now virtually bedbound. She is now only able to leave the house to attend medical appointments or go to hospital. To go in and out of the bathroom, she has to call on three nurses to hoist her in and out of a commode chair. She needs help going to the bathroom and showering. Even using a wheelchair for long periods of time is painful. While she is an extreme case, there are probably others who have more complex health needs. We are very lucky that she can have treatment and is currently being looked after by a top team. Not many people can have that opportunity.

Similarly, one of our family friends has a severe condition. He is in a lot of pain and needs knee surgery but because of his other condition, he has a higher risk of infection. His wife refuses to agree to him having the surgery because if he gets an infection, there is a small chance of him needing an amputation. But the surgeon said even if he does end up having an amputation, is it really that bad? His mobility will be greatly improved with a prosthetic leg. Right now, it's hard for him to mobilise.

When my family and I were still waiting for a diagnosis for my sister and for her to be seen by specialists, we were told that all it would take was to find a doctor who has seen her condition before and knows what to do. It took months, but I believe we finally found a good psychiatrist who has a special interest in cases like my sister's. She was able to explain her condition really well and what we can expect from treatment. She gave us hope that she would eventually get better. There has to be someone out there who can do the same for you, so don't give up searching. Both of us had a lot of bad experiences from people who treated us badly, misdiagnosed us or didn't know what to do, but we were able to find experienced professionals in the end.

I hope the treatment works out for you and you can get some relief for your pain.

@SNUFFLES ouch... hopefully the treatment helps. Has your doctor referred you to a neurologist or someone similar?

Chronic pain sucks... I have leg and lower back pain for some unknown reason, so I walk with a cane now.

I think I know what you mean about your pride.

It can be especially embarrassing to publicly show that I cannot do something that most people manage without even thinking about it.

The way that I cope with those feelings is to completely own my cane. 

I find that if I act like it's something to be ashamed of, I feel worse, so I try to show pride in myself, cane and all. I think it's a way of showing myself that there's nothing to be ashamed of.

So when I'm sitting down, I try not to hide it between my legs like I sometimes want to.

It is bright and sparkly, because if I'm going to have it, it may as well be fun. When people stare at me, I look back at them.

It helped me accept it much easier. I actually think I'm more confident since getting my cane, simply because I had something to show confidence about.

It's also helped me to find role models who also use mobility aids.

I know of a passionate, determined human rights advocate. The fact that they use a walking stick and a wheel chair does not cancel out the amazing work that they have done. 

My grandmother lived through her town being bombed in WW2, and grew into a forgiving, empathetic and extremely persistent person, and her using a cane does not change how much I admire her strength and resilience.

When I can look up to someone in a similar situation to mine, it helps me feel more acceptance towards myself.