I just feel so numb/beyond depressed
Some of you may have come across my situation and posts. But if not that's okay.
One of my very good friends just said he liked me and really wanted to let me know so that the friendship doesn't whittle down for any unexplained reasons. I'm very happy that he's said this because he's still choosing to be my friend and i expressed that I am so thankful for that and that's what he wants too. I am actually so happy to have him in my life and im so happy that we can talk everyday and just maintain the level of pleasure we have when we're around each other.
However it was very hard to turn him down after reading that. I have a crush on him too but decided not to date him because he's my brother's friend. I was asking on advice before all this happened on whether or not I pursue him but my Dad advised that I don't because of the weird tie. My mum found it normal and that I can date him if I wanted to. I initially thought not because I thought it was weird at first...but then my feelings became stronger.
After he expressed how he felt and how I felt, I feel so numb. But I guess I know this is a good decision (I think) even though when I'm high on my feelings, I want to date him so bad. But when I'm not high on feelings, I still tell myself to turn him down. I just hope we can still be exactly how we are after this. I really like being around him so much and he's helped me so much. We've been friends for 2 years but he's known me since I was little. I just feel so hurt that I had to do that.
Comments
Hey @angrylozenger
I just want to make sure you're doing alright since you mentioned you've been feeling really numb. It must be really difficult feeling like you can't date him even though you have feelings for him.
Are you feeling ok at the moment? How have you been coping?
Thank you for checking in 🙂
I actually confessed the day after and we've been dating for two weeks. He's a very gentle, supportive and sweet guy and I am very happy with him. I just don't like how my anxiety creeps up on me. i told a co-worker the other day that i was dating my brother's friend and she asked if my brother was okay with it, and i said yes (because he is) but then i just rethought everything and started spiralling thinking "did i make a mistake???" "what if i loose feelings" etc. instead of just seeing where it goes. I hope this anxiety will calm down soon. Still also trying to distinguish between anxiety and like a gut feeling...any tips?
I wanted to check in with you as I noticed that it has been a little while since we have heard from you. How are you doing? 🙂
Thank you for checking in 🙂
I actually confessed the day after and we've been dating for two weeks. He's a very gentle, supportive and sweet guy and I am very happy with him. I just don't like how my anxiety creeps up on me. i told a co-worker the other day that i was dating my brother's friend and she asked if my brother was okay with it, and i said yes (because he is) but then i just rethought everything and started spiralling thinking "did i make a mistake???" "what if i loose feelings" etc. instead of just seeing where it goes. I hope this anxiety will calm down soon. Still also trying to distinguish between anxiety and like a gut feeling.
Hey @angrylozenger, I am so glad to hear that you are happy with how things are going in your new relationship. One of the best feelings in the world is when you can finally be with the person you like, and by the way you describe him he seems like such an awesome guy!
Your worries around the relationship and your feelings are completely understandable. I think almost everyone enters a new relationship with all kinds of worries and nerves, and dealing with these worries can be super challenging and confusing sometimes! I am wondering if there is anything that helps you cope with your feelings of anxiety when those thoughts come up? Could it be an option to talk through some of these worries with the boy you're seeing? Or is there someone else you might feel comfortable talking these feelings through with?
I thought you might also find it helpful to have a read about some other strategies for dealing with stress and anxiety here.
You’re definitely not alone in this, we are here for you 💛
I'm low-key very happy to hear that you have told him how you feel. It would be torturous to like someone and have them like you back, but not date them just in case it does not work out in the future.
I know of people who have dated their friends' siblings/cousins, and it has worked out for them. It is actually beautiful that you have found a person who is gentle, supportive, sweet, and someone who you are happy with. This is a rare and great feeling, try to enjoy it!!!!!
However, I must admit that I was similar to you in the sense that I would get a bit anxious about relationships but this has definitely dissipated over time. One thing we know with anxiety is that it does tend to decrease with exposure to the thing that you fear (e.g., you dating him), and so your anxiety will most likely decrease over time. I must say, it's really great that you are being open and honest with your feelings and putting yourself out there - this is so courageous of you.
❤️
Hey @angrylozenger 😊
It's great to see you reaching out whilst you're going through this at the moment. I had a read through of your other posts too, I'm wondering if any of the advice community members shared on those were helpful?
Do you think chatting it through with one of our peer workers on Peerchat might help you feel better about the situation?
