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“It gets/it’ll get better” - no it doesn’t/won’t.

I hate it when people say that “it gets better” when it really doesn’t or you know for a fact that it’ll never get better. For me, I know that things will never get better and I still stick by that because it’s true. Like whenever I come across uplifting comments including that line, I find that hard to believe. So…for what I’m going through right now and for what I’m worried about generally, I strongly believe that things will never get better because again like I said, it’s true.

Blueberries
BlueberriesPosted 31-05-2023 12:58 PM

Comments

 
Zackerath-of-Ritia
Zackerath-of-RitiaPosted 02-06-2023 01:30 AM

Hey, I hope I don't overstep, I'm new to this site, but if I might share my thoughts:

I find, ironically, the difference between better living and surviving is directly linked with an individuals perception and not the circumstances surrounding them.

In otherwords, I find, things may absolutely not get better. However, our ability to change our perception alters our ability to cope with these circumstances. And in a way, things do get better. Not because our circumstances have changed for the better, not even because our new perspective has allowed us to change our circumstances for the better, but because we have learnt to cope in these circumstances better.

 

Personally, in my experience, I have been desperete to feel safe, and equal. This is an unusual and potentially unjust feeling for someone of my gender and ethnicity, nevertheless the feeling persists. I find my treatment by others to be different due to my mental disabilities such as Autism and Anxiety, and the such. And I find that this occurs most greatly within my own family, who have raised me.

This hurt, and this persisting circumstance of assumptions, and avoidance has led for a desire to control. To make my circumstances and my life better.

In my experience, this perspective and desire only broke already fragile relationships further, and now I fear them to be irrepearable. And I too found that things will not get better. 

Even so, I believe that allowing myself to accept these circumstances as perminant, will hinder my progression in work, social, and spiritual life and although my home enviorenment will likely never get better, I know that I can very well live through it, and past it, and into something that is better.

 

I hope that I might have given some helpful insight, Blueberries. Good luck.
🙂

 
 
Iona_RO
Iona_ROPosted 02-06-2023 02:17 PM

Hey @Zackerath-of-Ritia👋

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this, it can really help to get a different perspective on something, especially from someone who has gone through similar experiences. I'm sure @Blueberries will really appreciate it 😊

You've mentioned that you're desperate to feel safe and that your home environment will likely never get better. It sounds like things are pretty distressing for you at the moment too. Is that something you'd like to chat a bit more about? We're here to support you as well. If you'd like to, you can start your own post here and share what's going on for you a little more, so we can explore how we can support you best. ❤️

 
 
 
Zackerath-of-Ritia
Zackerath-of-RitiaPosted 08-06-2023 08:12 PM

Thanks, but after recieving just about 10+ emails from this site routinely for just over half a week, two of those days surpassing even 20 emails in a day, I think I'll be tapping out for a bit-- Thanks.

 
 
 
 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 08-06-2023 10:14 PM

Hi @Zackerath-of-Ritia ,

 

Thanks for letting us know. I'm wondering whether you are aware that you can turn of email notifications?

 

If you go to your profile/settings, you can make sure that the box for email notifications is unchecked. This might help with the number of emails you are receiving. 

 

Please let us know if you need support with this.

 
less123321
less123321Posted 01-06-2023 10:10 AM

Hey @Blueberries! I see @Sally_RO has given some sound advice in regards to how you are feeling which is awesome! 

 

To futher Hannah's comments, I also hear you. Its so tough when people who seem to not understand what you are going through are saying its gets better. Havw you tried to explain that to your support system? It could possibly open them to different ways on how you would like to be supported by them. Is there anything that makes you feel better, even if its just a little? that being things like self care or different hobbies?

 

Sometimes being able to find something even if its small can help us feel better gradually, I know it did for me. Remember that your feelings are valid and there will always be someone there who would like to help and listen to what it is you are feeling! 😊

 

 

 

 

 
Sally_RO
Sally_ROPosted 31-05-2023 02:27 PM

Hi @Blueberries👋I hear you, and can understand that it can be really difficult to hear people say "it gets better" in situations where it feels like things won't improve. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to have doubts, you have the right to express your feelings and beliefs. While we can appreciate that people are just trying to help, sometimes it’s not the most helpful thing to hear and instead can leave us feeling invalidated. 

Has something happened recently to make you feel this way? 

I hear that it feels like there is no hope for things to improve based on what you're going through. Though I wonder if there are potential ways to make your situation a little easier or manageable? Sometimes even small steps can make a difference in finding some relief from what you’re dealing with (even if it doesn't completely "fix" the problem) 😊

 
 
Blueberries
BlueberriesPosted 31-05-2023 02:56 PM

Well, I would say it's an ongoing thing that's been happening for me, it's not just 'recently'.

And no, it won't be a little easier or manageable. Well, even the small steps won't do much.

 
 
 
Sally_RO
Sally_ROPosted 31-05-2023 04:33 PM

Hi @Blueberries , I am sorry to hear that you've been dealing with some ongoing struggles. I imagine that can become emotionally draining to manage. When you have heard people say to you that things will get better, have you ever tried to explain how that makes you feel? 

I know that everyone has their own preferences when it comes to recieving support. I am curious to know whether you have any preferences? If so, I wonder if it could be helpful to let those who are supporting you know so that they can understand how to better support you? 

 
 
 
 
Blueberries
BlueberriesPosted 01-06-2023 07:46 AM

I already did.

 
 
 
 
 
Bre-RO
Bre-ROPosted 01-06-2023 12:32 PM

Heya @Blueberries👋 just catching up on your thread, and I get where you're coming from. When people say, "It will get better", it can feel like it's oversimplifying or skimming the surface of such huge emotions/experiences, leading to feeling more alone/misunderstood. It's a really tough place to be 😪 

 

When you say you already did - do you mean you've already told people what could be helpful? If you're comfortable, would you also consider sharing what is helpful with us? We want to be a space you can come to and know that we'll hear you out and offer support that feels right for you. 

 
 
 
 
 
Blueberries
BlueberriesPosted 01-06-2023 02:19 PM

I mean I don't think I have told my support system (which is only my regular counsellor at kids helpline by the way) about that yet, but I do plan on telling her about it soon whenever I know it's the time though.

 

but what made me bring up that thought on the original post though was because I was thinking about like if someone was to say to me that things will get better, then obviously it’ll never get better and it gets annoying when you get that sort of thing. 

 

I just think what could be helpful is just allow your support system to lend you a listening ear without them having to give you those uplifting words when you know that it won't help you. Oh, and I think what's helpful is being physically comforted as well (e.g. them hugging you while you're crying).


its just that recently I've been reflecting on the fact that even though I'm currently not in the best place in terms of my home life, how I go on with uni in terms of the assignment (well I have online classes so that doesn't affect me), AND especially the fact that I know that I won't be ever to get myself comfortable if I were to work at any workplace because people don't ever wanna treat me the way I wanna be treated. Plus, I've been on positions like this many times no matter the place and the situation im at where I'd often get refused to talk to by people. I guess everyone does find me unapproachable, like usually if im like next to them or something, often so they would usually talk to another person but then they'd usually skip me and not talk to me. Like the reason why i hesitate to wanting to look for work is because in every workplace there's obviously gonna be coworkers that will give you a bad impression and that's something that im scared about... because you know that you'll never wanna talk to them cause they make you feel uncomfortable generally. Like yes I do need money, but I'd rather put my own mental well-being first than putting myself at risk. However when I see other young people working, I can't help but get jealous of them cause I wish I was like them if it wasn't for my anxiety I guess.... I've had social anxiety throughout my whole life now so that's what makes it really hard.

 
 
 
 
 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 01-06-2023 07:33 PM

Hi @Blueberries ,

 

From your posts, I can see that it can feel frustrating when you don't feel heard or validated. I read that you value people giving you a listening ear as well as when they comfort you physically. It sounds like these are certainly important things to convey to people who want to be able to support you.

 

It is understandable that 'uplifting words' can get annoying, particularly if what they are absolutely goes against how you are feeling. I can see that you have spent time to reflect on these things, as well as weighing the pros and cons of working/studying etc.

 

I'm sorry that people seem to talk to others and 'skip' past you. It must make you feel so uncomfortable. Maybe in the future, others will be able to accept you for your strengths and the things you are good at. In the meantime, it's good that you are prioritising your mental health.

 

All the best.

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