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Road trauma (read TWs)
Sorry for making so many threads recently. There's been a small amount of chaos and I'm still getting used to the new forums, but I think this deserves its own thread
TRIGGER WARNINGS
This whole thread comes with a few trigger warnings.
Car crash, blood, injuries, reckless/ dangerous behaviour due to mental illness, (not my own) and trauma from... well I think you can guess from the TWs.
No one died, but like, check the TWs before reading this. There's no shame in just moving onto the next thread.
END TRIGGER WARNINGS
Some of you might remember that back in November I ended up in a pretty bad car accident (though I've now found out that it may not have been an accident at all).
We were stopped at a traffic light. All of a sudden, we heard a huge bang, then another bang, and then the car was shoved forward violently. A car horn started blaring. My parents ran to the car behind us, very angry because why the hell would they ram into us like that. Then they noticed the air bags, and the three scared children in the back and also the fact that the driver said "Call an ambulance."
I looked out the window and saw a 10 year old walking to the side of the road. He was badly injured. Fuck. I got out of the car with a heap of tissues because even though I'm scared of kids I know first aid and someone's gotta deal with that. By the time I got to him there were some adults looking after him so I just gave the adults the tissues to stop the bleeding and looked around to see what else I needed to do.
And then I saw some people leading a shaking woman away from a third car, crumpled up against the second car.
I did not want a third car involved. It felt like there was an endless pile up of cars and I had no idea how long it stretched for. So I rush over to the woman all like "I know first aid is she okay?" She was not okay. She was going into shock. Fuck. Again. In my first aid class I had a first aid kit and hadn't just been involved in a car crash. She said she had to call her husband. Great, I thought, he can talk her through this. (he didn't. The husband is an asshole whose only role in this story was to annoy the police)
I looked at the endless pile up and saw that it in fact only contained three cars. I had no idea were the other people came from.
I got everyone towels from our car because that was the closest to the first aid thermal blankets I had.
The injured child was concerned about his tooth. His younger brother was screaming incomprehensibly but my mum was looking after him. The third child was only two and was being looked after by her mum.
Anyway I just kinda... stood around until emergency services came. There were a lot of emergency service vehicles. I don't think we actually needed eight police officers but the ambulances were useful.
The woman in the third car had gone completely grey. She had not been grey before. Her husband, who had arrived on scene, ignored her completely as she was loaded into the ambulance since he was too busy making a nuisance of himself.
The family in the second car got put into the other ambulances. The screaming child kept screaming until he was put in the same ambulance as his dad.
Anyway, dad met the dad of the family in the second car a few weeks ago. Him and his wife are still recovering physically. His wife is still traumatised, and honestly I can't blame her. The injured kid broke his arm, which has now healed. But the kid's gonna need dental work for the rest of his life.
My neck injuries have healed, but my mum's haven't. My brother keeps getting mystery headaches.
And the woman in the third car... we don't know whether or not she meant to cause the crash. But when she went to court, it came out that she had depression and was considering some things before the crash. She may have been on drugs. She was definitely not in a state where she should've been driving. She pleaded guilty to a fairly serious charge.
Then yesterday, my support worker was driving me somewhere, and next to us a ute started spinning out of control. It swung towards us and then towards some other cars and then into the crash barrier and then back towards us. I thought it was going to crash into the side of us, or smash into the front of someone else's car and fucking kill someone. The driver somehow regained control and pulled over without hitting anyone, but that was more luck than anything.
Anyway that was bad enough on it's own, but between that and the recent reminder of the first car crash I'm just waiting for things to go wrong.
And now I have a heap of triggers. Utes. Metal rails on the side of the road. Sirens, red or blue flashing lights (now including brake lights). Tires screeching. Sudden stops. Car horns. Wet roads. Busy roads. Stopping at traffic lights.
Anyway I'm sorry about how long this is, but I'm just overwhelmed and don't know what to do.
Hey @Tiny_leaf
I just wanted to pop in to say I'm so sorry that you have had to experience these things. Your feelings and emotions are completely understandable given the traumatic car crash and then having a near-miss one.
I want to ask how you're feeling today? Have you been able to talk more to somebody about this?
Thanks @Anzelmo and @ayrc_1904
I spoke to my therapist about coping with car stuff which helped a lot.
Not doing as great now, got into an argument with some random asshole who decided that since he was a fairly loud and tall man he could just yell at me till I got scared,
I probably shouldn't argue with potentially violent strangers who're twice my size and screaming at me while one arm's injured and in a sling.
But also he doesn't get to be an asshole just because he's a potentially violent stranger who's twice my size and screaming at me while one arm's in a sling.
He clearly wasn't expecting me to argue back since he left pretty quickly after that.
But I'm still pretty wound up.
@Tiny_leaf it's great that the talk with your therapist helped, that sounds like progress. Sorry to hear about the argument that you had with the man. I can imagine it would have been scary to have a tall man yelling your face. This would have startled me, for sure. Glad to hear that you are safe and the situation did not turn violent. Sometimes there is a time to stand up for ourselves and sometimes we do need to assess the safety of the situation. It sounds like it helped you to have your voice be heard. Have you been able to do something nice for yourself as a way to sooth from this situation?
he seemed more like he wanted to be intimidating rather than violent, but I wasn't sure...
Still think it was worth yelling at him.
For someone with anxiety I'm pretty bad at assesing when something's actually dangerous though.
I had something nice for dinner, but I have a headache now.
@Tiny_leaf it can be a hard call sometimes between wanting to stand up for yourself and staying safe.
It's really upsetting when people behave like that...I'm so glad you didn't get hurt, but please take care. Sometimes it's hard to tell what people might do. 😟
How are you going today?
@Philippa-RO yeah I definitely should be more careful...
I usually hate conflict but occasionally someone does exactly the wrong thing.....
I'm doing better today. I've started lookig at top surgery and so far my mum and therapist have both agreed to support me.
Unfortunately before I do that I have to find a physio, since apparently joints like staying in their sockets and get angry when they go out (hence the sling I mentioned earlier).
But I got some better pain killers so hopefully that'll help.
Hey @Tiny_leaf I'm glad you're looking out for yourself and will be more careful. It's good to consider what others might do.
That's so exciting that you're looking at top surgery and that your mum and therapist are supporting you! 😄 How do you feel about it?
A physio sounds like a really good idea. Will your mum and therapist help you find one?
@Emily-RO I know right? I need to bring up the idea with my dad (who is approaching my gender with an old mindset and apparently hasn't seen any studies on how rare detransition is...) I think that my therapist can help get him on board though (she has read various studies and understands gender pretty well).
I'm so excited. I don't tolerate any safe binding methods well, even though they really help with dysphoria. I have barely felt like I belong in my body since puberty, I really hope this will help.
It's great to hear that you feel as though your therapist can support you with getting your dad on board @Tiny_leaf . Awesome to hear how you are feeling excited, I hope that it will be helpful too 😁!
That's very fair @Tiny_leaf !
I'm glad you can tell when you've run out of spoons and it's time to rest 😊
How are you feeling today?
Very very sore. I slightly re-injured my dislocated shoulder aas well, just after my physio told me I could release it from the sling.
And I've just stopped taking the stronger pain killers for my shoulder so now I can feel my shoulder and also all the pain I usually have that's been hidden by medication for the past week.
Hi @Tiny_leaf ,
Ouch! That's awful. I know your pain. I've subluxed my shoulder (and dislocated a couple other limbs as well) so I know it's so painful and frustrating to deal with. Especially since you we're on the mend and this happens!
It's rough with medication management and finding the balance eh? Do you feel like your pain is manageable at the moment? Or do you feel like you maybe need to talk to your doctor about changing your pain management plan?
Hey @Tiny_leaf , I'm sorry your doctors won't give you anything to help with the pain long-term. I remember you saying before that you don't really feel listened to at your appointments a lot of the time. What have you been doing to cope with the pain?
I also woke up this morning with my knee out of place. My knee only comes out when I'm walking usually.
I have no idea what I'm doing in my sleep for that to happen.
At least knees pop in easily.
Hi @Tiny_leaf
I do remember your original post back then when the incident first occurred, we are here for you then and here for you now. Something as traumatic and difficult as a car crash affects people differently in so many ways. It must have been really scary when the ute next to you was losing control, I can only imagine how it made you feel.
With the initial accident, how do you feel about things now that you have gotten some form of closure?
Stay safe out there friend 🐶
@Anzelmo thank you.
I had been doing better, but apparent;y the closure actually just meant that I realised that the crash was a lot more severe than I thought. Like the crash is over but so many of the people involed are still being affected.
The person who crashed into us might be in jail still depending on what the judge said, which is a weird thought.
Anyway a ute like the one that nearly crashed into us illegally (and dangerously) overtook a truck in the middle of a traffic light and pulled in front of us without leaving much room, which was scary.
I wish people understood that even if they don't crash stuff like that can still affect people.
I already get a bit nervous driving around next to trucks and bigger cars, thinking about one nearly crashing is really scary, and completely understandable that you felt the way you did.
I'm just glad to know you are safe.
Hey @Tiny_leaf. First off, I'm so sorry to hear about your accident and yesterday's near miss. That sounds like something absolutely horrific to go through, and then to be triggered again yesterday is incredibly rough.
I completely understand your need to share the details of your story, but I've edited a few parts of your post to ensure that it's safe for the community. I've found that in the past when I've been exposed to something traumatic, journalling about what's happened has been really helpful. It also helped me to find someone I trust, sometimes a professional, other times family members, to talk through the details with so that I don't feel like I'm ruminating about these images and memories by myself.
What have you been doing to cope with these triggering memories? You mentioned that your mum was in the accident as well, do you guys ever talk about it?
Thanks @Portia_RO
I totally understand the edit, but just for anyone who read the edited out part and was worried I should really clarify it wasn't actually as bad as it looked. But it looked very bad which is why my brain decided that it was important.
My parents don't like talking about it much, but a while ago dad ran into the curb while parking and it made a screeching noise which gave mum a flashback.
I don't really know how to cope with the triggers...
I'm a bit annoyed because I already have other, unrelated trauma and this isn't something I want to be dealing with on top of it.
Hi @Tiny_leaf I am so sorry to hear that you were involved in a car accident, I can only imagine how scary and horrible this must have been for you.
Triggers can take some time to manage, so it can be so helpful to talk these thoughts through with someone. I was wondering if you are speaking to a Health professional about this at all?
We are all here for you 💜
I have a little bit but I haven't spoken to her about it much because I didn't realise how much it was affecting me.
When I think about trauma/ triggers I think about the other thing, but no one thought it was worth helping me with that even though it was worse, so I thought that getting help for this might not be worth it either.
@Tiny_leaf I'm so sorry to hear about your accident and the ongoing triggers and distress you're having to deal with.
It can be really hard to seek support, especially when you haven't received the help you should have in the past. It takes a lot of courage to risk reaching out, but you deserve to be supported - both with what happened before and with this.
In terms of the trauma from the car accident, I'm wondering if it might be worth looking into claiming some funding for therapies through the Insurance Commission?
If it's something that interests you, there's some information here.
As another option, in case it's useful, Road Trauma Support WA offers free counselling services.