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TW: Feeling Sad
I don't know what's happened. The past couple of weeks have been going pleasantly well. However, all of a sudden, since last night, I've been feeling more depressed and lacking in energy and motivation. I'm feeling really sad, and I'm crying as well. I don't know what I've done wrong. I thought things would stay okay, but I'm definitely wrong. I feel like I'm failing so much. I can't muster up the strength to keep pushing through or something. I wish this pain inside me would go away, and I don't understand why I'm sad when I don't have anything to be sad about. I also feel pretty alone, but when don't I, right? Well, I guess that's the same for the sadness too. Ahh, I'm so tired of my feelings. They get too much for me.
I'm safe. I don't have any suicidal thoughts.
I got my exam results back. I got two distinctions and one fail. I contacted the unit head regarding why I failed, and he said I didn't sit the exam. So I told him I did, so now he has to go into storage and find it. I hope I've passed. I only needed 15 out of 120 to get a grade of 50%.
Still, I feel pretty sad and lonely today, but I'll have to keep pushing through. I woke up earlier again today, bloody bird. I'm about to go to the gym, and I'm going to get a yummy sandwich for lunch at this new place near me.
I asked my uncle if we could catch up next week, and he said yes. I'm so relieved. He said the following.
"I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling lonely, but know it's very understandable. It's why I think it's great you're looking at options like that catch-up you shared with me".
So that's nice. I sent him a link to this girl's brunch where you meet four to five other ladies around the same age, so 20. I hope it will be fun; it's something to look forward to in the new year.
Okay, good news: I got my exam result back. I passed the exam, so I should get a credit grade overall for the unit. It's such a relief to know I passed. I won't get my official transcript for about a week, but it's good to know I did pass.
Hey @Red_Flamingo I'm relieved to hear that everything is okay with your results! You've put in a lot of effort with uni and it looks like it has paid off for you. I noticed your resilience in not feeling great this morning but still looking forward to going to the gym and getting lunch at a new place near you. It also sounds like you have been able to communicate with your uncle and are looking for ways to connect with other people overall. These are all big steps in managing your wellbeing and it's great to see. I was curious if you have any other plans to look after yourself?
No, I can't stop crying @Stormy-RO. I hate being so alone and feeling sad. I need to cook dinner. I did still go to the gym. I didn't go to the new cafe I wasn't that hungry so I had a smoothie at home.
Oh, I'm safe, by the way. I might talk to someone tonight if I need to @Stormy-RO 
I had my session with my psych. He is a bit worried about me being so alone over the next two weeks, but I'll try and come up with some things to do. He said I should try and do three things a day like usual housework stuff, exercise and something fun.
It's been pretty hard the past week being so alone. I hope I can continue to manage.
I need to go to the chemist to get my meds for the week and then I'm going to make some chocolate cupcakes. Then I’m going out with my aunt to a summer night market.
Let's hope this afternoon will be alright.
Hi @Red_Flamingo it's great to hear that you had your psych appointment today 😊 The suggestion to structure your day with three activities seems like an excellent way to maintain a balanced routine. Also, your planned afternoon of baking cupcakes and going to the markets with your aunt sounds like great fun!
Speaking of your aunt, have you shared with her how you’ve been feeling recently? If not, I wonder if this evening might be an opportunity to open up and let her know about your feelings? It may be helpful to have someone close to you aware of where you’re at and looking out for you.
Hi @Sally_RO
Yeah, now I just need to find three things a day for two weeks.
I didn't make the cupcakes. I forgot my eggs are off, lol. So I'll get some when I get my meds and make them tomorrow.
I'm looking forward to the market. Yes, I'll let her know. She isn't aware. I don't think we have talked about my MH since I was in hospital, so there is a bit to catch up on. I told my uncle over a text, but not a lot of detail, just how I was feeling lonely. My concern is another week from now I'm going to be struggling a lot, and my psych was worried about that as well. I'll have to monitor that closely. Especially after tonight, I don't see anyone until Tuesday when I see my uncle. Then, after that, I see my psych on Wednesday, and then I won't see anyone again; I see him again the Wednesday after, and then I go back to my parents' place. That night, I fly out.
It's been quite hard this week. I hope I'll be able to get through the next couple of weeks.
Looking forward to the market and catching up with your aunt sounds like a really positive plan, I hope it goes well 😊
As you anticipate some challenging days ahead, please remember that you don't have to navigate things alone. Reach out to your supports if things get tougher.
Hi @Sally_RO
It was a lovely market; we shared a few dishes and had dessert, which was nice.
We talked a lot. I had a month's worth of information to catch her up on. I'm a bit unsure about when she was talking about making friends and how it's good to have family, but with work and other commitments, it can be challenging. So I'm unsure if she meant she doesn't want to see me, it's becoming too hard, or because I haven't met many people yet, but it's been quite tricky. I've got a few things lined up for next year. I've applied for a volunteer group where you talk to an older person and have a conversation maybe once a week or fortnight, so I thought that would be good. I also have new accommodation, so I'll meet two new people, and then the girls' brunch in the new year, where I'll meet many new people, too.
I'll make the cupcakes today, go for a bike ride, do some washing, and clean my room. I will visit Myer and look at the Christmas window if I have time.
I can relate with you so much, it like all of a sudden everything hits when you think you have been fine. I struggle to sit alone with my thoughts and I tend to avoid them and push it down which is not really good to do.
Hi @Pacific_Aardvark 
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, it's hard. I don't know why it happens. I try to distract myself, too. It will be too much if I try to feel my feelings, but then you push them down as you say, and it's as if they explode. Don't you think?
Yeap, definitely even though I jnow ut better to express my thoughts and emotion by maybe journaling sometimes all I can think about is just keeping it together so I don't embarrass myself and peole see me breaking down.
Yes, so true; I don't like it when I'm feeling emotional, and I have to keep it together. That happened to me last week on the train. I was so close to tears I hade to wipe a few away before someone saw.
You could journal on your own if you're able to. Then, you can let yourself feel at the same time as if you're in a safe place. @Pacific_Aardvark 
I used to journal a lot but now I do it less as I feel it has become less effective for me and haven't really needed it until recently. But now I just normally go do really high intensity exercises.
Ah, okay, that's also a good one, along with paced breathing. Do you do any mediation? I love the Balance app, and I find it very helpful. @Pacific_Aardvark 
I really struggle to meditate cause sometimes i get really restless and it hard to calm myself down. I find it hard to focus and actually meditate but I am still exploring the field of different meditation. I have tried an app called Breathe before.
Ah yeah, it takes a lot of practice. I've been doing it every night for about a good six months, if not longer. I sometimes fall asleep to what I'm listening to. It can be so relaxing @Pacific_Aardvark 
If I can't sleep I sometimes to listen to podcasts or turn a youtube video to fall asleep to so I feel less lonely. I feel like it not a very good habit that I have developed till now I sometimes can't go to sleep if a podcast or video is not playing.
I don't think that would necessarily be a bad thing. I have my meditation as it's familiar, I suppose, and having that routine can be helpful for me as it lets my brain know it's time for sleep. However, that and sleep meds I take, too. So it's most likely a bit of both for me, @Pacific_Aardvark.
I see you're new here. Can I ask if you are in high school, uni or working?
I'm currently studying a bachelor of Health Science majoring in Nuttion. I'm in my first year, but I did a bridging course last year. I also work in medical admin, but I lost my job recently, so I'm not working at the moment.
I am currently finishing off my college then I am hopefully going to major in Bachelors of Exercise and Sport science.
That sounds exciting. Have exams finished yet @Pacific_Aardvark 
That's exciting. Good luck. I finished mine for uni a couple of weeks ago. I get my results next week. I'm also doing a summer unit, so that's interesting. It's all online which is disappointing.
Do you like Lego? If so, I have a Lego thread and just posted my latest one. @Pacific_Aardvark