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TW: Not coping

Hey everyone, 

 

How are you all going? 

 

Is anyone up for a chat? 

 

Thanks 

Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 19-11-2022 02:56 PM

Comments (6 pages)

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 24-11-2022 05:05 PM

Yeah so do I @Bre-RO

Mmm the walk definitely wasn’t good. 

He didn’t call me he must have forgotten so that is just great. I was really looking forward to the chat. So I don’t if I have an appointment or not next week.  

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 24-11-2022 07:19 PM

I'm sorry to hear that your psychologist never called @Red_Flamingo, that sounds really frustrating! Is there anyway that you might be able to contact him to confirm when your next appointment might be? 

 

That's so exciting to hear that you have a concert coming up! How are you feeling about it? I hope you know that we're all cheering for you 👏

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 24-11-2022 07:40 PM

Yes very annoying I'm a bit sad about it. The admin team said he will call me Wednesday so I hope to hear from him then. 

 

I did call Kids Helpline before I dance so the lady I talked to. So it was nice to have a chat about all this. 

I'm excited for it I have three groups and a solo so that's fun. 

I have work tomorrow so I hope that will go okay. I just hope I don't have any suicidal thoughts because they are very distracting and upsetting. I just don't understand why I can't get a break from them. 


Thanks @Courtney-RO 

 
 
 
 
 
Sally_RO
Sally_ROPosted 25-11-2022 12:13 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo it is really great to hear that you contacted Kids Helpline and it went well. Remember that if that these thoughts return, you can always reach out to them again or get in touch with the Crisis Mental Health Team. 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 25-11-2022 12:37 PM

Hi @Sally_RO 

 

Thank you I will if things get worse.

 

I was okay this morning but not doing 100% right now, but hopefully things won't get worse as the day goes on. I wouldn't say I've had as many suicidal thoughts so far as work has been busy, but I'm feeling a bit down and out. 

 

I also have to go and see my cousin today as it's her sister's birthday so I'm not really looking forward to that because I just don't want things to be awkward between us. I find is hard enough being in the car with her for 15 minutes once a week. I just hope all this boundary stuff is going to change our relationship too much when I am allowed to communicate with her again. 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 25-11-2022 09:17 PM

Hey @Sally_RO 

 

I wish I didn't have to go to my cousin's house. She completely ignored me and didn't even say hello, ask how I was or even have a general conversation. I know she has stuff going on, but she could at least be nice. I don't get what's wrong. She talked to everyone else in the family. It just makes me so upset. I feel like our friendship has just diminished now. 

 

Today has just gotten worse as the day went on. I want to go to bed and cry. Why can't I get a break from all this shit coming my way. It sucks so much. It makes all the suicidal thoughts worse, but I'm not going to do anything, so don't worry about that. I don't know why I put effort into anything anymore. I don't seem to be getting anything back from it. My life feels so awful right now. 

 

Hope you don't mind me venting about tonight. I felt really alone while being there. 

 

Thanks

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 25-11-2022 10:48 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo

 

I am really sorry to hear about how lonely and upset you have been feeling today. It sounds like there has been a few different things going on and you're feeling like everything is an effort. Seeing as things have gotten worse and you are feeling so awful, now might be a good time to reach out for some more support from Kids Helpline or the Crisis Mental Health Line (1800 332 388) 💙

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 26-11-2022 08:50 AM

Hey@Taylor-RO

 

Thank you it's wasn't a very good day. I got through it though so I'll see how today goes hopefully can't be any worse then other days. If things get worse today I'll definitely contact them. 

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 26-11-2022 09:38 PM

Hey @Red_Flamingo, How are you feeling today?

I just wanted to check in as it sounds like you had a really hard day yesterday. I really hope that today was a better one for you. Just know that you are doing an amazing job of juggling all the challenges you're facing at the moment. It's not easy, but we are all here to listen and support you whenever you need it.

Thinking of you 💜

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 26-11-2022 10:04 PM

Hi @Courtney-RO 


I was hoping today was going to be better but is wasn’t really. I’ve been feeling quite sad but hey I’m used to it so it’s kind of like the new normal for me. I went from my normal of being bullied for ten years to being depressed and hating everything about myself and not wanting to be here anymore.

 

Just letting you know I’m not going to hurt myself of anything but I just don’t get why I keep having to have thoughts of suicide so much. It’s like I’m in a constant state of wishing to be dead, but like deep down I don’t want to really die it’s just these emotions and the pain I’m in constantly seems to just be endless. I really just don’t see the point in life I feel as though I’m on autopilot or something I’m not truly living and I’m not sure I ever will. 

Well tomorrow will actually be an okay ish day it will be very up and down as it my dance concert and my last one like the school I’m at with me moving. 

I’m going to bed now need my sleep I have to be at the theater around 8 tomorrow and I’ll be there till 6 so a long day for me hahah. 


Thanks for letting me chat and checking in on me it means a lot. Sorry that was a lot of me ranting on though.

 

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 26-11-2022 11:28 PM

You don't ever need to apologise for ranting @Red_Flamingo, that's what we're here for! I hope you know that you are always welcome to come here and chat, as much as you want 😊

 

I'm sorry to hear that today wasn't much better. Being in a constant state of wishing to be dead sounds absolutely horrible and i'm really sorry you have been experiencing that so much lately. Everyone deserves to feel like they belong here and like there is a point to life, especially you. You have been working so hard lately, so I hope you know that all that effort hasn't gone unnoticed.

 

It sounds like you have a really exciting day coming up tomorrow! How are you feeling about your concert? Are you looking forward to it at all? 

 

And thank you for letting us know that you're not going to hurt yourself. You are so important to us and we always want to ensure your safety

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 27-11-2022 06:49 AM

Hey @Courtney-RO 


Yeah thank you for that. I’m definitely getting excited now it’s going to be a big day of mixed emotions. I just hope nothing goes wrong and I remember all the steps. 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 27-11-2022 10:13 PM

Hey @Courtney-RO,

 

Well today went so fast can’t believe that concert is over with now. My feet are absolutely dead from the pointe shoes but absolutely worth it. Just hoping I won’t come crashing down tomorrow after a big day today with excitement and nerves .

 

Also hope your having a good night.

 

Thanks

 

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 27-11-2022 10:53 PM

Hey @Red_Flamingo

 

Glad you had a fun night and that it was worth it. Concerts are so much fun! Try to sit with that wave of positive emotions Heart 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 28-11-2022 09:09 AM

Hi@Taylor-RO

 

It definitely was a great day can't believe it's all done with for the year now. I will try but I think its going to go. I'll see how the day develops I guess. 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 28-11-2022 04:25 PM

Hey @Courtney-RO 

 

Definitely was right that today would go down hill. This morning was alright I finished off my book but the past few hours have just gotten worse. I went for a walk and just went back to my car and started crying. I’m feeling really sad, worthless and hopeless right now. It seems I can’t even have one day where I’m not feeling to bad. I’m feeling broken which sucks I just don’t know what to do. 

Thanks 

 
 
 
 
 
Iona_RO
Iona_ROPosted 28-11-2022 05:08 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo

Sounds like you had a good morning, it's so satisfying when you finish off a book! 

I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling sad this afternoon. It might be nice to start a new book to make you feel a bit better, and if you still feel like you need some support you can chat to Kids Helpline  at any time tonight🙂

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 28-11-2022 05:14 PM

Hi @Iona_RO 

 

Yeah it was nice to get it finished. 

I’m about to start girl in pieces so that a dark book I’ll see what it is like. 

I might I’ll see how the afternoon progresses I just really don’t like feeling like this. 

 
 
 
 
 
Portia_RO
Portia_ROPosted 29-11-2022 11:06 AM

Hi @Red_Flamingo , I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing today.

 

How's the new book?

 

I'm sorry to hear that you've felt a bit of a dip in your mood since your concert on the weekend. It's pretty jarring how positive experiences like that can be so enjoyable at the time, but then can bring difficult feelings with them when all the fun and excitement is over and 'reality' kicks in again. Do you have anything else coming up that you're looking forward to?

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 29-11-2022 12:05 PM

Hi @Portia_RO 

 

I’m not doing very well today at all. I’m really struggling. I feel very sad, alone, worthless and hopeless. I just don’t want to keep going like this anymore it’s so awful. I’m feeling way worse then yesterday.

Spoiler
Please don’t be disappointed I did self harm yesterday and today but I tried not to it just gets to overwhelming. 



No I don’t have anything to look forward to now my life is just one endless cycle of feeling awful. 

The book is okay so far I haven’t read much it’s about a group of girls in a psych ward so I hope I don’t find it to deep, but if I do I’ll just stop it. 

 
 
 
 
 
Portia_RO
Portia_ROPosted 29-11-2022 12:58 PM

Hey @Red_Flamingo , I'm sorry to hear that today has been tough as well. I want to reassure you that there is no judgement here when it comes to self-harm - it sounds as though you're doing the very best that you can to keep yourself safe. What kind of things can you do today if those urges come up again?

 

Oh how interesting, I've never heard of it but it sounds pretty cool. That sounds like a good idea, I usually enjoy reading some heavier books as well but I usually have something a bit lighter on standby if I'm having a tough time and need a break from reading about difficult topics. Are there any other books on your radar at the moment that might be a good Plan B if this one gets too deep?

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 29-11-2022 01:07 PM

Hi@Portia_RO

 

Thank you I don't know I just don't want to keep feeling like this anymore. I don't know how much fight I have in me left I'm ending the year in a terrible way and just can't get over the fact that just how badly the last 6 months have been. I seem to keep just getting worse and worse each week. I really don't know how I have any strength left in me at this point to be honest. 

No I don't have any other books but I can watch some tv and I'm going to go for a walk after lunch so that might help me. I just hope it doesn't make the suicidal thoughts worse because when I have gone for a walk in the past it has. 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 06-12-2022 07:44 AM

Yeah I read my book for a bit. 

I have the exam today not yesterday I had work. Let's hope it goes okay@Taylor-RO

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 05-12-2022 10:53 PM

Hey @Red_Flamingo

 

I hope you were able to keep distracted, either with your exam or reading. Try to do something nice for yourself tonight after such a busy weekend and completing your exam today. 

 

Also, just a reminder to please avoid tagging a number of users, as per our community guidelines. I have edited your post to reflect this 🙂

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 05-12-2022 08:42 PM

Hey

Hope your all well. 

Anyone up for a chat or something. Not feeling great and wanted to see if anyone wanted to talk. Thank you 

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