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Things I could do to help my dad?

Hey,

 

My dad has always suffered from severe asthma. Recently he's been kind of acting strange, has been really enthusiastic, not that he isn't like that usually but it feels like he's forcing it and then dropping small comments when he's having a coughing fit that he's 'dying real slowly'. I'm very aware of how sick he is at the moment, more than ever before. New medication coming in and new tests but despite all that, he's really trying to stay 'upbeat'? if that makes sense. The issue here is that at some point he becomes really silent and really sad to the point he just "can't sleep". I just want to know if anyone would have any ideas as to what I could do to spend more time with him? I watched a couple of movies with him but I feel like it's not enough. I guess I'm just kind of scared I might regret not spending enough time with him.

 

Open to any suggestions, thanks 🙂

Edit 27/01/23: Hi, I'm grateful for the responses I got even though it's been quite some years. My dad did pass away earlier this month and I'm heartbroken. I learnt a lot about him after he passed and it explains a lot of his behaviour that I raised concerns about in my post. But anyway, thank you. I was worried about having regrets but I treated him really well 110% of the time as did he with me. He always spoke kindly to me and never fail to show me that he cared for me. A truly wonderful dad.

 

May he rest in peace 💐❤️

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MoonSwirls
MoonSwirlsPosted 08-08-2020 02:27 AM

Comments

 
Tay100
Tay100Posted 12-10-2020 01:04 PM

@MoonSwirls just thought I'd check in- how are things with yourself and your Dad? Have any posts here or elsewhere on the forum being helpful? Let us know if there's anything we can do to help at all 🙂

 
 
Loony88
Loony88Posted 10-11-2020 05:49 AM

Oh, it is very difficult situation. Be strong! I wish you tenacity and patience. It is very hard when your closest person got sick...

 
jamijam
jamijamPosted 11-10-2020 02:23 PM
Hey @MoonSwirls,
I know you posted this a couple months ago, but I wanted to check in to see how you and your dad are doing now? I hope things have improved, I know how hard it is when someone you care about is sick (my mum has very bad back problems and has had several surgeries because of it).

Do you think your dad would be open to maybe playing some board games? They're quite fun, and can get a good conversation going! My partner's family and I have played a few during iso and we've had a few laughs! I'd recommend Articulate and you cant beat something classic like uno.

I hope you find this helps somehow, it sounds as though your doing a great job by being there for your dad and I'm sure he appreciates everything you're doing.
 
 
MoonSwirls
MoonSwirlsPosted 27-01-2023 01:50 AM

Hi,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not sure if you're still active but I came to remember this forum website recently and decided to check it out again.

 

The latest update on this is that my dad did pass away on the 4th of this month. From an asthma attack that triggered a cardiac arrest leaving him brain dead due to getting no oxygen to the brain.

When I posted this forum, I was scared of having regrets. I feel that I was a great daughter to him as he was the greatest father to me so it leaves no regrets. I spent not a lot of time with him but would always drop everything and anything if he needed my help so I'm happy we had a great relationship.

 

If you're still active, thanks for reading this.

 
 
 
Sally_RO
Sally_ROPosted 27-01-2023 03:59 PM

Hi @MoonSwirls , welcome back to the forums, it’s really nice to have you back with us. I am deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your dad this month. My heart goes out to you and your family. Losing a parent is incredibly painful, and I can only imagine the pain and heartbreak you are experiencing. By the sounds of it, your dad sounds like an amazing person. Equally, it sounds like you were an amazing daughter.  

 

How is the rest of your family coping? Are you finding that you're able to talk much about what you're going through with them? 

 

This is still so recent, and I imagine you have a lot on your mind, and so many emotions to process. Without overwhelming you, I wanted to share a few resources that are there to support you if you need them. Don’t feel pressured to use them, only do what is manageable for you right now. 

 

If you are up for a read, we have some articles on grief and loss on our website, here

 

It can sometimes be helpful to talk to a grief counsellor. If you are wanting to talk to someone, Griefline is a free helpline that could be an option. They also have forums, support groups and other resources avaliable.  

 

We are here for you 💛

 
Turtle22
Turtle22Posted 04-10-2020 02:47 PM

Hey @MoonSwirls 

 

I'm a bit late to this post but I think it is really thoughtful that you are taking the time to find some activities to do with your dad. It can be hard when a loved one is sick and becomes withdrawn (which I saw you mention in a more recent post.) Even though he may not show it, I'm sure he appreciates the little things you do to try to make his day better, make him feel better, and keep his mind off things. I hope you've found little ways to look after yourself and your mental health too!

 
Tay100
Tay100Posted 31-08-2020 01:21 PM

Hiya @MoonSwirls 

 

I'm sorry to hear of your Dad's situation and for any worry or distress it may have caused you- especially if you've noticed negative changes in his behaviours. It's sweet to hear you want to bond with him- if you want more suggestions- I think positive activities that have you both working towards a common goal that you can bot be proud of might be good. Think baking a cake and then sharing it together, planting a herb garden you can benefit from straight away or even just weeding a garden. Maybe even walking a dog or pet (if he's up to that!)

 

Keep us posted 🙂

 

 
 
MoonSwirls
MoonSwirlsPosted 31-08-2020 02:57 PM

I appreciate your response very much! Thank you @Tay100

I think this is a good idea, I’ll see if he’ll be up to it. He was admitted to the hospital today due to an asthma attack, when he comes home I’ll have this in mind. Again, thank you so much. ☺️

 
 
 
Tay100
Tay100Posted 01-09-2020 12:34 PM

@MoonSwirls  anytime, we are here! Hope the hospital visit goes well too!

 
squiggly
squigglyPosted 12-08-2020 04:00 PM

I think it's lovely that you're putting effort into bonding with your dad @MoonSwirls , I can really get a sense that it's a loving bond. However you spend your time with him, I think you'll both get a lot out of it if you're mindful to appreciate that time Heart

 
 
MoonSwirls
MoonSwirlsPosted 31-08-2020 02:49 PM

Thanks so much @squiggly  ❤️

 
Andrea-RO
Andrea-ROPosted 08-08-2020 10:03 PM

Hey @MoonSwirls

 

That really really sucks that things are a bit tough for your dad healthwise right now. It must be really hard on not just him, but you and the rest of your family right now Heart do you have any shared hobbies, or things he likes to do? It could be something like learning a skill he's passionate in, or maybe you guys could go for a walk together and spend some time just chatting and being in each other's company 🙂

 
 
MoonSwirls
MoonSwirlsPosted 31-08-2020 02:54 PM

Thanks so much for your reply @Andrea-RO! 🥰

We don’t share a lot of hobbies but our personality, characteristic-wise, we’re quite similar. He’s changed quite a bit since my post. He’s a lot more irritated and doesn’t bother trying to be happy anymore. I’m a little scared to approach if I’m honest. Nonetheless, I hope it’s temporary and when he’s feeling a little better, I’ll try out your suggestion ☺️

 
 
 
TOM-RO
TOM-ROPosted 31-08-2020 04:01 PM

hey @MoonSwirls! I can understand why you might be feeling a bit nervous or scared about how to go about things because it sounds like a tricky situation and I'm sure your whole family is worried about your dad. But like everyone else said, I think it's really great that you want to support him and even though we can't solve everything, what's important is that we've tried our best, because that's all we can ever really do.

 

Both Tay100 and Andrea have given some really helpful suggestions, and I hope you can remember that you're not to blame for anything that's happening, and that you can take some time to relax and have fun for yourself, as well. It's not only important to check in with our loved ones to spend time with them, but to check in and take care of ourselves, too Heart

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