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mental illness
i recently have been diagnosed with cyclothymic disorder (a less intense version of bi polar disorder) i am starting on medication. this is supposed to lower my highs and lows to a normal range of high and low emotions. every night when i take my medication i sit there looking at this tiny pill and cry for 20 minutes before i take it. it's so stupid that this tiny pill completely changes me. i don't feel at all when i take it. i feel like my brain is in a cage. if people don't like me when i'm not medicated why do they get to make the decision to medicate me to enjoy my company and feel safe around me. i was wondering if there was anyone that was on the same medication as me or has the same diagnosis because i really need to talk to someone who understands
Comments
Hi @corpsehand unfortunately my past self has definitely related to how you're feeling, emotional numbing and the brainfog are very common side effects of medications used to treat Bipolar disorder and depression. I've been on four different kinds, some are worse than others and they all depend on the individual. I would recommend talking with your Psych about it, they can probably tell if this is normal or will go away with time. Depending on the medication, it may also take as long as 6-8 weeks to actually kick into effect and for emotional numbness to subside.
Adjusting to new and different medications can be awful, I know 😞 I am so sorry to hear you're going through this at the moment.
Hi @corpsehand
I've been on various medications for years, and I think that medication for mental illnesses has two purposes - to keep you safe, and to improve your wellbeing.
And if your medication isn't doing that for you or having side effects, it might be worth talking to your psychaitrist about different doses or medications.
For me, to get the right type and dosage of medication, I needed to find a psychiatrist I trusted and be really honest when something wasn't right. Sometimes it can be a simple fix, like increasing or decreasing dosage, while other times a different medication might work for you.
Hey @corpsehand I don't think we're allowed to talk about specific medications here but I have bipolar II disorder so I get the medication thing and how much it sucks, and have heard from lots of friends that their medications don't work how they should. For one friend, she took antidepressants and it made her feel completely numb, not better just numb. She ended up talking to her doctor about it and funnily enough the thing that changed it was taking a slightly bigger dose which helped balance out her mood more because it was working properly with the higher dose. I had another friend who took medication and it made her feel really sick and awful and she ended up changing medication to something slightly less common but makes her feel a lot better. I've also heard of people who have been in the same situation as you where they take medication and it seems to make them into a different person, and they might decide to find other ways to manage their diagnosis without medication e.g. diet, exercise and seeing a counsellor frequently, although bipolar is generally a medication-based treatment regime. I would definitely talk to your medical professional about your medication making you feel not normal because at the end of the day you're absolutely right, medication is supposed to make YOU feel better, not everyone around you.
I mentioned that I have bipolar II and I wanted to say that finding the treatment that works, with any ups and downs on the way, is worth it. It sucks because you start treatment at your worst most of the time and then have to go through the crappy process of dealing with all of the side effects (which always are harder for you than everyone else who benefits from your better mood) until you finally find a level that suits you. For me one of the side effects was crying a lot more, even at random things, and I HATED it. Also being super tired all the time and feeling like I was being pulled down by it. It took a year or so to get to the right dose and I can say that it definitely has helped me to get to a point where I feel like it's been worth all the trouble, although I'd prefer not to take medication altogether ofc. How are you feeling about the diagnosis itself?
hi @StormySeas17 i'm so thankful for your reply and hearing that it is all worth it from someone who understands has really helped me.
sometimes i think it's good to be diagnosed because that means i can get the help i need but other times i hate it and i just want to be normal. the biggest thing about being offically diagnosed is that my biological father doesn't belive in mental illnesess so he always says that i'm making excuses. this usually makes me feel like shit all the time and because of that i've cut contact with him.
i hope you're doing well
-corpsehand
@corpsehand no worries! Medication really is a rough ride and it's definitely one of those things you don't want to go alone with. I hope you can figure out maybe with your healthcare professional 🙂 and I'm happy to share my experiences too!
I'm glad you can see the positives of your diagnosis, it's really hard especially with something as stigmatising as bipolar/cyclothymia. I guess some of the benefits are that people with this diagnosis are more likely to be creatives, and also can often be very compassionate from knowing the full spectrum of emotions. I'm sorry to hear that your dad makes it so difficult, that perspective is very outdated these days and doesn't help at all. Do you have anyone else in your everyday life who is more understanding and can support you?
@StormySeas17 yea i've recently cut off all contact with my dad because of it but my mum is my biggest suppourter. she has suspected bi polar disorder so she really understands it. a while ago she had breast cancer and has had many other mental issues so she understands not wanting to take meications wich i find really helpful!
I'm sorry to hear that you had to completely cut out your dad, but I hope in the short term that it will help your healing 🙂 that's awesome that your mum has first-hand experience with the medication thing too! It really is such a pain to try to cope with the idea of continuous medication. Do you have anyone else who you talk about this with, like your medical practitioner?
Hey @corpsehand just letting you know that I've responded to your thread over here and here
We'll keep an eye out for you response 😊