Apology

[Saltwaterdreamtime]

Hi everyone, 

I wanted to make this post to apologize to some people who I have upset in the last week. I won’t name you because I don’t think that’s fair on you, and also the consequences of this go beyond people I have directly hurt and on to people I don’t know, who may have read the comments. 
This isn’t an excuse at all but I wanted to tell you that I have been under a lot of stress lately and my ability to self manage my behaviour has been compromised because of that. I have worked really hard in the last few years to be more self aware and not behave in this way but as with everyone who has difficulties with these things I wasn’t feeling so good and slipped up.

I hope you can understand that I am sorry for hurting people and saying rude things, I will try my best to be more careful with how I express emotion next time. 

Without rubbing anyone up the wrong way after this apology... I want to make a suggestion for all and a possible lesson learnt.  I think it’s fair to give people ample time to reflect on their actions and make an apology when they see fit and demanding an apology from somebody when they are still processing it in their head can be really difficult for people, can we please be aware of this, somebody can be genuinely apologetic and not yet sure how to express it sincerely. 

Thanks for your understanding. 

[Sophia-RO]

I can hear how honest and truthful you have been whilst writing this @Saltwaterdreamtime, which is really nice. I am sorry to hear that you have been under a lot of stress lately, it sounds like things have been quite tough for you. I hope that you have been feeling a bit better lately. 

[Saltwaterdreamtime]

@Sophia-RO I was sitting with how to write that for a while. 

Every morning when the numbers come out and I get more and more scared this lockdown will go for longer and I feel crap. When I am up and moving I’m ok but it’s the morning laying around, don’t want to get up 

[Anzelmo]

Hi @Saltwaterdreamtime !

I am unaware of what happened and only came across this post. What I can say is that you're very mature for owning up to your mistakes and trying to make amends. Taking responsibility and learning from mistakes is something that everybody should do, but not everyone can. So for what it's worth, good on you!

[Sophia-RO]

That sounds really difficult @Saltwaterdreamtime , I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling scared. It sucks that you have been feeling like you don’t want to get out of bed sometimes, what helps you get up and moving when you feel like that?

[Saltwaterdreamtime]

@Sophia-RO I Answered your questions on a different thread 

[Janine-RO]

Hey @Saltwaterdreamtime , just wanted to quickly jump in and say thank you for writing this. I can hear that you've been reflecting on stuff a lot, and it can take a lot to reflect on our own actions and how they may have hurt others. I really admire and appreciate how you've reflected on what happened. 

I think your last point is a really valid one. The only thing I would suggest, though, is if someone is needing time to process things and reflect before they apologise, it might also be a good idea to step away from interacting with the people involved until they're ready.. does that make sense? 

[Saltwaterdreamtime]

@Janine-RO Thank you.
I’m not sure what you mean though... in the particular scenario I’m referring to I think I tried to stay away from the conflict while I was thinking through my apology but I kept getting asked why I hadn’t apologised yet etc. I could be wrong and it might sound silly but I can’t remember. I understand what you are saying though I think.

[Eden1717]

@Saltwaterdreamtime I want to be very clear about something. I did NOT at any point demand, ask for or require you to apologize to me then or ever. What I DID do was state clearly that I did not feel comfortable with the situation because you had not apologized and that the reason I continued to feel uncomfortable was because you hadn’t apologized or demonstrated in any way that you had understood the impact of your actions. I didn’t ask why you hadn’t apologized nor did I ask you to apologize to me right then and there in fact I didn’t ask you to apologize at all. All I did was explain and express how I was feeling as a result of my interactions with you. I never asked you to do anything. I did state how I felt things could have been handled in some ways but I did not ask or request that you do anything. I expressed a wish that you would demonstrate some understanding but I also clearly stated that I couldn’t and wouldn’t make you do anything.

Also had you simply said from the beginning that you needed more time to think instead of telling me other things or had you simply not responded until you were ready that would have been fine. I have no problem with people taking time to respond to things when they are ready but that is not how you responded at the time and so I was under the impression that you simply didn’t care about your actions which is why I kept expressing that I continued to be uncomfortable with the situation. I am sorry if my intentions were not clear I am trying to be as clear as possible but if that didn’t happen I apologize. I am saying all this because I want to continue to be clear and honest as I think everyone deserves clarity and honesty. I also do not like being misrepresented and although I don’t believe that was your intention at all I want to be clear about what I did and didn’t say/do. 

That being said I myself will need some time to process your apology and my feelings about the situation as it currently stands before I respond to that particular part of this thread but I am not ignoring that you have apologized I am simply not responding in any direction for the time being as I need to think and process my own feelings.  

[Saltwaterdreamtime]

Ok, well I interpreted that the continued posts about the lack of apology meant you were expecting or waiting for one from me. Sorry about that, that’s just how I understood it and my intention was not to misrepresent you but rather provide a suggestion or a thought for other members when there’s conflict. The idea was to keep any conflict off this thread and also not to “out” people as being involved in any particular incident. Take all the time you need to process what I’ve said, I believe we both have good intentions but have misunderstood each other.