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Family Stress

I've been feeling kinda down lately because of stress in school work, and other stuff. But I don't really get it easy when I reach home either. Most of the time I spend cooped up in my room, but more on that later.

My dad comes home from work pretty tired himself and I can understand his situation, he does have a full plate with terrible bosses and uncooperative staff. It doesn't affect me directly, but it in turns make my dad grumpy and not so friendly. He does have his hobbies and stuff, but even so he's still quite grumpy.

This leads to the problem here. I spend my time at home in my room because I pretty much want to avoid him. Every time I come out of my room, be it for dinner, just some free time etc. He seems to only criticize the amount of screen time I spend for being in my room most of the time, threatens to throw my phone at the wall, among other stuff. I keep my mouth shut and hear him out so I don't piss him off more. Although he says that, I do have an organised "schedule" that I follow when I'm in my room like playing the guitar, cleaning, reading a book, playing games too (I won't deny that), which I do find as a proper timetable.

I would try to explain it but he just doesn't shake off the impression of my younger self, back then I was mischievous and very ill-behaved. I used to look up to my dad, but as I grew up I've come to realize that adults are still basically "kids" who've grown older, still easy to anger, still easy to frustrate. Eventually my dad isn't someone I hold in high regard anymore (although I don't express it), and his approval means pretty much jackshit to me, despite the fact he's the one keeping me alive with a roof over my head. I know how I'm thinking isn't right, but I can't help but set my mind like that.

I do try to ask him to take us somewhere together, but he only ever leaves home for his hobbies. That's why I almost only go out with friends.

The fact he doesn't make time for me yet treats me with such contempt really drives me nuts. I'm literally growing so many white hairs these few months. I could understand my dad's stress and it really does affect him, but I don't see it as an excuse to exert this anger on me. As such I resort to 'hiding' in my room. Maybe it's the fact that I'm a teenager and these hormones are acting up. Maybe I'm just being very picky. Maybe my own stress is getting to me. This is getting out of hand.

I wouldn't mind putting up with his grumpiness if he at least tries to understand that I also have my own set of troubles too instead of seeing me as a freeloading son. The world is much different than it was before and there are problems that I won't understand from my dad's youth and those he won't understand from mine. This really ticks me off and all the stuff going on combined makes me want to clock my dad across the jaw once so he could get the message, but then it would only make things worse.

Sorry for making you guys read such a gloomy post right before Christmas, but I hope you guys have a merry one.

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Re: Family Stress

Hey @Plethora, that sounds like a pretty tough situation and it seems understandable that you would want to hang out in your room instead of your Dad at the moment.

 

Have you ever tried talking to your Dad about the whole situation?  You also said that he goes out to do his hobbies, do you ever join him?

Re: Family Stress

@Plethora thanks for sharing this, so sorry to hear about what's been going on with your Dad. Sounding like you're sort of his emotional punching bag at the moment?

 

From what I can understand there's not much wrong with your schedule/behaviour on the daily. The way I see it is, as an adult, I have an entire house to myself, my own space, living room, bedroom etc (well aside from housemates). When you're young and you live at home, your only sense of privacy truly is the bedroom. In addition, for you, it's actually about keeping your head positive and not taking on board the negative energy your Dad is bringing home.  Can I ask how old you are? Are you near an age where you can move out/will be heading to uni?

 

If not that's okay too. It's about figuring out strategies for living alongside him. I really feel for you, I had a very similar situation with my Mother which led to me moving out at sixteen. I wish I had have known there were other options, ways I could reframe the situation etc. Have you ever gotten in touch with a counsellor before? I can link you in with some services Smiley Happy Some qualified support could be really helpful for you at the mo.

 

Look forward to hearing from you. 

 

What do you guys think? @FootyFan26 @Bee @Esperanza67 @Brendos94 @letitgo

Re: Family Stress

Haha I just tagged you but you got in too quick! @FootyFan26

Re: Family Stress

Ninja @Bree-RO Smiley Tongue

Re: Family Stress

Hey @Plethora, sorry to hear about your situation Smiley Sad. You’re right, your dad’s stress is definitely not an excuse to exert his anger on you.

I agree with what @Bree-RO has said in that getting professional help can be really helpful in dealing with your stress at the moment. Is that something you might be willing to consider getting?

Also, do you have a job at the moment?
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Hope is just around the corner; you think it's not there when you first look straight ahead, but it actually is when you turn around

Re: Family Stress

@Bree-RO I'm currently 15, turning 16 next year. Moving out is not really an option since I still have to attend college locally before I start studying abroad.

 

@FootyFan26 I have tried going with him once on his hobby trip. It wasn't really my type of thing so I didn't go with him again.

 

Re: Family Stress

That's cool @Plethora, we don't all have the same interests Smiley Happy. Is there something that you're interested in that your dad might also be interested in?

Also as @Bree-RO said, if you're interested in some professional support we have a fair few resources we can give you if you'd like. Not everyone's comfortable with the thought of seeing a psych or a counsellor and that's okay too but just a heads up that they're there if you would like them Smiley Happy.

Re: Family Stress

Hey @Plethora just checking quickly - are you residing in the USA or Australia? 

Re: Family Stress

@Plethora I'm sorry to hear this has been happening for you Smiley Sad

The other users have given some great advice, and I don't really have much to add to that.

You don't deserve to be treated like that by your dad. It's great that you've got a timetable that you stick to - that's awesome! Smiley Happy

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart