Finding it hard staying at my uncle and aunty's place
I am currently staying at my uncle and aunty's place while I look for a place to live. While I am very grateful to them for letting me stay here, I am finding it incredibly hard to deal with my uncle and cousin. They are both so argumentative and judgmental, they are always trying to get into arguments with me. I am so mad at myself for getting sucked into it, and arguing back. I really just want to start wearing headphones around so they can't talk to me, but I know that is rude. I told my cousin that I don't like arguing and that I like my space, but he just says he loves to argue. I am just so sick of it and don't know what to do. Even if I told him to seriously stop I don't know if he would.
I was wondering if anyone has any tips for dealing with people like this.
Thanks very much,
Jardin
Comments
Heya @Jardin
Gosh, so sorry to read about what you've been going through with your uncle and cousin. It's hard enough adjusting to a new living arrangement, let alone figuring out how to deal with arguments.
In a perfect world, our homes should be a place to rest and recover, which I can imagine is pretty hard when you're on edge waiting for the next debate. Even though the response isn't what you hoped for, good on you for communicating your needs and boundaries to your cousin.
I know you've posted in the past about tough times at home with your dad and sister, and when I put myself in your shoes, I get the feeling this situation with your current living situation would be extra upsetting. I'm curious to know what your relationship with your aunty is like. Is this something you could confide in her about?
Also, I understand your thoughts about wearing headphones, but if you ever feel you're being pushed to your limits, I think this is actually a great way to get some space and look after yourself. I'm not sure if this article about conflict with family will have tips that resonate with you but I thought I'd share it in case.
Hope you're having a good day!!
Hi @Bre-RO thank you for kind message and for the article link! 🙂❤️
And yes, this situation with my cousin and uncle reminds me of my sister and dad. They are all so argumentative and think they are always right. The big difference though is that my sister and dad have explosive tempers, whereas my uncle and cousin just won't give up the argument, and keep dragging it out (despite you making it clear you have had enough). It's frustrating, as I feel like I am finally away from my dad and sister's tempers, only to land in another arguementative house.
My aunty is definately less argumentative but I would feel too akward to say anything to her. I would also feel bad complaining when she is kindly letting me stay at her place.
I guess my strategy will probably keep being avoidance, headphones, and trying to not give my opinion or ask for their opinion.
Thanks once again 🙏
Finger crossed and wish you all the best @Jardin . Good on you for finding strategies that work. Looking forward to hearing how it goes.
Thanks @Chloe-RO ❤️ I am having a hard morning today, but am just reminding myself that I won't be living here forever.
Hey @Jardin
I'm sorry to hear you had a hard morning, have you been able to find anything that's helped make you feel a bit better?
You've mentioned that you won't be living there forever - do you have any plans on when you'll be moving out? Or will it be a while before you're able to?
We also sent you an email - look out for that in your inbox ❤️
Hey @Iona_RO Thank you for your message ❤️
I definately have plans to move out - I've been looking for the past month or more (and gone to various inspections) but with no luck. It's really getting me down and making me lose hope that I will ever find anything. Also, I've been having to make a lot of decisions lately (which my OCD and general annxiety makes incredibly difficult), so I feel very drained. One of the decisions I've posted about in my most recent post and its really affecting me and I can't stop obsessing over it which is preventing me from moving on with my uni assignments, which are all pilling up at this point.
I wanted to get a mental health plan from my uni (which recognises your mental health condition(s) and gives you some extra support) but I tried to make Drs appointments multiple times and they all got canceled. Now it is probably too late to organise anything, and to be honest I feel like I have no time/energy to book it.
I just feel like I'm drowning at the moment under all this work and decisions. I feel like I'm failing everyone including myself.
I know this is unhealthy but I've been thinking lately about what is even the point of life anymore. It's just so stressful and there's nothing that I am particulatly looking foward to. I've moved around so many times now, that I am tired of starting from scratch again and again. I'm just so tired.
So sorry about this really long reply but I am just really upset today. It all feels so overwhelming.
Hi @Jardin there is no need to be sorry, I can hear how overwhelming things are for you at the moment. I am sorry to hear that you have found no luck in finding a place to move yet. I can only imagine how exhausting this process has been for you, on top of everything else going on.
It sounds like you have had to make a lot tough decisions lately, and you mentioned that your OCD and anxiety is making this more difficult. I am wondering whether you are recieving any support with managing your OCD? Do you have any strategies in place at the moment that you find helpful?
Starting a mental health plan with your uni sounds like a great idea for you. Such a bummer that your appointments have been cancelled. I hope that you can get in to see them soon.
You've been dealing with a lot recently, is there something nice you can do for self-care tonight?
Ps. Keep an eye out for an email from us🙂
Thank you @Sally_RO ❤️
I am definetly very drained after the past few days - just had dinner with my aunty and uncle and once again they were making all these comments about myself and my family.
Yeah I think I am going to try to get another GP appointment. Hopefully this time it won't be cancelled!
Self-care is definetly a strategy I am using - part of that is limiting the amount of time I spend with my uncle, aunty and cousin. I just always feel worse after spending time with them.
Hey @Jardin ❤️
I just wanted to pop by and see how you're going today?
Well done for pushing through and deciding to book another GP appointment. It can be really draining to organise these kinds of things when you're already feeling exhausted from everything else, but hopefully chatting to a GP will help things in the long run 😊
I know you said earlier that you've tried to find somewhere to move out to but haven't been successful yet. It's so tough to find places just now! I'm sure lots of people will relate. I'm wondering whether your uni has any housing supports you could connect with? Usually they have people that can help you with accommodation, might be one to have a look into.
@Jardin sounds like a really tough ride, to feel like because they are allowing you to stay, you aren't necessarily able to communicate your needs to them. Copping comments on your family while at dinner is really rough! I think you're well within your right to protect your peace any way you can, including headphones, keeping your distance, and politely asking for alone time when needed. You might be their guest but it doesn't mean you don't deserve to have your boundaries respected.
Do you know how long you expect to be staying with them?
Hey @Jardin
Gosh, it sounds like you've had a really exhausting past couple of days...I am so sorry to hear you've been struggling with your living situation at the moment. I can relate in the sense that I am a very non-confrontational person...any form of conflict makes me retreat into that little shell of mine and isolate from those at the cause of it. So I can imagine how difficult your living situation would be at the minute. It seems like your doing a great job at prioritising your own needs and taking necessary steps to look after yourself. You should be really proud!
When I find myself struggling through these overwhelming stages of life, whether it be with uni, my social relationships, my family situation, or work life...I find comfort in taking a long walk, watching one of my favourite TV shows, or reading a book to take my mind off things...these are the things I love! What kinds of things do you love to do with your spare time? And what are you studying at Uni?
Always here for a little chit chat! 🙂
