cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

Re: I am having a hard time

Hi @Eden1717  , I'm sorry to hear that you are having a tough time at the moment. I really admire the strength and honesty you've shown sharing here, it's a really brave thing to do. It's great to see that you're practicing self-care strategies at the moment to help you through tough times, I'm a huge fan of a well timed Netflix binge! Are there any other self care things that you  find helpful? 

 

You mention feeling like some people are non people people, feeling like that sounds like it could be  quite frightening and isolating.   It can take time to find the right person to open up to about things like this and build up  that trust, but finding  a mental health professional that you click with really can be a game-changer.  Would you feel comfortable talking to your GP, as a first step?

 

 I'm really glad that you've shared your feelings and what you're going through here, this is a safe space and the community here is here to support you Heart 

__________

Check out our community activities calendar for March 2020 here
Highlighted

Re: I am having a hard time

@Tiny_leaf  The RSPCA show is good. 

 

@Janine-RO I would never talk to a GP about this they are not great. I see mental health professionals but I don’t know if I can or should talk to them about this because I don’t think they can actually help even if I ignore everything else. 

 

I am still not feeling great today and I am really having a hard time because I am really really anxious and I am panicking a lot. I do want to talk to someone but I know it isn’t a good idea and that I really shouldn’t. 

Highlighted

Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 sorry I'm not on here as much, work has been kinda crazy at the moment and when I'm not at work I'm exhausted which messes up my moods and keeps me in bed all day feeling shitty and sleepy.. you get the picture! 

 

If you don't mind me asking, how many psychologists have you seen in the past? And have they been male or female or a bit of a mix?

 

Also, just wondering what your relationship is like with your parents/guardians? Or siblings if you have any? I know it can be hard to talk to family members (none of mine know about any of my shit yet) but if you're living with them I'm wondering if they have earnt your trust? 

Highlighted

Re: I am having a hard time

@MB95  You don’t have to apologize for that life is like that it isn’t your fault.  I have seen many if you include the ones in hospital then 12 but longer term (over a year) then 3 but I have also had case workers and seen a bunch of different psychiatrists and just a lot of different people. It has been a mix of male and female. My relationship with my family is fine but I don’t talk to them about this not because they would be mean about it but the times I have said little things they don’t know what to say or get like uncomfortable because I guess some of it is scary and they have told me they don’t want or need to know details and it just is better for everyone if they are not super involved. 

Highlighted

Re: I am having a hard time

Hi @Eden1717 , I'm sorry to hear that you're still not feeling great today. It's great that you already have a relationship with mental health professionals, I know that it's really hard, but I would really encourage you to open up to them about the feelings that you're having. It can take time, but there is a lot of help available for feelings like this. We're here to support you as well. 

 

You mention that you're feeling anxious and panicky - that can be really unpleasant. Are there any strategies like grounding techniques, or watching Netflix, that you find helpful? 

__________

Check out our community activities calendar for March 2020 here
Highlighted

Re: I am having a hard time

I'm sorry to hear that you are still struggling to trust people after seeing so many different health professionals @Eden1717. I can't even imagine how difficult that would be!! I trialled one at first and we didn't fit at all and I remember how much it hurt and turned me off the idea. I didn't go back for months, cause like you I have serious trust issues. I refused and thought I was strong enough to deal with shit on my own. But I eventually realised I really wasn't when I was breaking down every two seconds or getting so angry for no reason and the voices in my head were taking over. It was hard to accept that I needed the help (and still is) and it wasn't till someone at uni who I'd only met once suggested I try see a psychologist again and booked me in. And I'm so glad I did. It was hard as shit and I still struggle every session and can't seem to trust her fully yet or open up but I know I need it and that very slowly it is helping. I think the biggest thing for me was accepting that I need help to get through this and realizing I can't keep shutting people out, no matter how much I want too. If I want to get better, and I mean truly get better, I needed to learn to trust someone and let them in. I know it's not easy, trust me, I'm totally there with you on the trust issues!! But I promise that once you do find that one person you will start to notice small changes which will help motivate you even more to beat this and tell those scary voices to fuck right off because they don't own you!!!! It might feel like they do right now, but I promise that once you learn to accept the help and trust people things start to change. It's one hell of a challenge but I feel like you have it in you to do it!!! You're posting on here so that has to mean you really do want the help and want to get better right? Have you ever made a list of reasons why you want to get better? Like I made one  while back and it kind of helps motivate me sometimes? It doesn't always work but some days it does. Maybe you could try that? It just made me think about whether I was serious about beating this or if I just wanted to keep living the way I have been. I decided I didn't. 

 

I'm glad to hear you have a good relationship with your family but also sad to hear they haven't been much of a support to you. I think you should be so proud of yourself for sharing some of this with your family!! Am am yet to share anything with mine so absolutely admire you for doing so and think you should be proud of yourself because I know how much courage that takes!! And I can also imagine how upsetting it would be for them to not react the way you expected. Did you think they would be more supportive? Just wondering if you've ever written them a letter? You said talking about it makes them uncomfortable so why don't you try writing everything down for them so they know how it feels for you but also mentioning in the letter how much you need and would appreciate their support with your recovery? Maybe make some suggestions on what you would like their support to look like so they have a clear understanding? Because they may really be wanting to help but just not knowing what to do which could also be causing them alot of grief? If I've learnt anything with my two best friends it's that I need to be clear with them when things aren't okay and what I need them to do to help me through it. Because mental health is not just difficult for us experiencing it, but also those trying to help because we can be so fragile. If you trust your family and can get them to understand you could even ask them to go to a psychologist session with you? That way they can even do some of the talking to start with and step in when it's becoming too much for you? 

 

Sorry, I know this is super long.. I tend to ramble 😔 But i just want to try and help and would really like to hear you've opened up and learnt to let someone in because I've learnt first hand how different it feels. Uncomfortable and scary as shit, but also nice at the same time - only if it's with the right person of course!! I hope some of this kind of makes sense and helps ❤ 

Highlighted

Re: I am having a hard time

@Janine-RO  There really isn’t much help out there for me personally I have tried everything I can access and it has not been helpful. 

 

@MB95  I get what you are saying but I did open up before I told them after hiding it my whole life a few years ago and it nearly killed me. It made things so so so much worse and so horrible and so bad and then people said try again and I did over and over and over and over again I kept trying and trying thinking if I just find the right professional then this thing they say will happen will actually happen. But again I was wrong and every new person just made things even worse I honestly if I hadn’t stopped talking to them I wouldnt be here the only reason I have been surviving is because I don’t tell people things. And I know this may sound weird but even though the voices can be shit and can make things super hard they are still 10000 x nicer to me than the mental health system has been. I am pretty sure I have PTSD from the services but won’t tell anyone what actually happened because I can’t speak about it even just to myself so I don’t have a diagnosis. But it nearly destroyed me completely. 

 

My family does the best they can but they have also been hurt by all the stuff I have had going on and I feel super guilty about that but I couldn’t really help it because I didn’t know what was happening to me. I also don’t feel like I can talk about most of the issues anyway but I am ok with not talking to my family about this. It is just something I have to live with forever. 

 

My my trust issues are not just because I am scared to open up my trust issues are so bad because I did open up and I got badly hurt everytime I did by the very people who where supposed to protect me. 

Highlighted

Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 ,

 

It is really courageous of you to open up Heart.  I can imagine it must be really hard given the very tough time you've had with the mental health system.  However, we are all here to support you.  I also wanted to acknowledge the fact that despite the difficulties that you're experiencing, you've still been supporting others on this platform.  That shows what a kind, thoughtful, and strong person you are.  

 

I hope you're feeling better today Heart.  Is there anything nice that you can do for yourself?  I do enjoy a Netflix binge myself! Smiley Happy

Highlighted

Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717 ,

 

You're so thoughtful and reflective to acknowledge how your family are feeling.  I wanted to mention that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.  The experiences you are having are 100% not your fault.  You are just doing your best Heart

 

You mentioned how the mental health system has treated you, which sounds really, really unfair Smiley Sad.  Has there been any service that has helped you even just a little bit?  I'm not sure if you've tried One Door Mental Health (see here ) before?  They specialise in helping people who may be experiencing things similar to you.

 

Please keep reaching out; we are all here to support you Heart

 

caring GIF

Highlighted

Re: I am having a hard time

@TOM-RO  The link you posted doesn’t really work well and there isn’t a lot of info on the page so I can’t find out what they actually do.  It from what I saw it doesn’t really look helpful. There has not been helpful services maybe a few helpful individuals but the services in general have all been terrible. And even the few helpful individuals have not been helpful per say they just didn’t make things worse but they didn’t actively help either. There really is literally nothing I can do at this point except live with it and try and ignore what I can because everything else will just make things worse. It is just exhausting and frustrating but I am getting used to feeling like that all the time I will just keep trying to focus on other things even when everything around is a mess because that is all I can do right now.