Hey there @anonymousgirl101,
I'm sorry to hear how you've been feeling recently. Dealing with negative and hateful self-talk can be draining, and make it difficult to enjoy things. ReachOut has a whole list of articles over here on self-talk that may be helpful for you to read, including challenging negative thoughts which has some questions that you can use to challenge negative thinking, what do you think?
In the past, have there being career paths or hobbies that have interested you?
I was also wondering, do you have any professional support or a support network of friends or family around you that you can turn to for support during this time?