I think I need help...
I was doing so well. I was happy, smiling, I was myself again. I thought my depression had gone. This happiness lasted about a year and it just crumbled this year and it's getting worse. I don't know what happened, it wasn't one specific thing that triggered it - I'm just constantly unhappy. I spend most of my days curled up in a ball in bed, asking my best friend what to do but I can't put that pressure on him, he has problems of his own. I mean, he's happy to help, but I don't think he knows how, and I don't blame him, I wouldn't know how to fix me. That's why I came here, in hope of answers. I'm crying while writing this, my brain isn't right. It's really messed up. I hate going to school. I used to love school but as soon as I walk in the gates I'm surrounded by people and I just want to get out of there. Also, I hate my body. I hate everything about the way I look - I've put on so much weight in the last 6 months it's outrageous. I can't exercise though, that involves going out... in public.. And that's one of the main things I absoultely hate doing. I've been here on the forums before and everybody is so nice and caring, I just need someone to look after me, I'm lost. I'm dying inside.
Comments
Hi Pika,
Sorry to hear about your struggles. Hope today finds you a little bit better.
As a mother, I am sure you did the right thing by telling your mum. She will be as concerned as you are, but possibly, like you, isn't sure how to help you.
Talking to people here is a great step. If your first psychologist didn't work for you, try a different one. You have a distinct personality and you have the right to talk to a pyschologist who relates to you. Have you been to a GP, or a Psychiatrist to see if medication is an option. I'm not saying it would be, but it is another option to consider.
I don't say these things lightly, and have a 19 yr old daughter who has been down this path, and for her, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and medication helped a lot. It may not be the road for you, but it is worth looking into.
I glad that you have told some friends. That is good that you have people you can trust with this information.
If the weight is botheringy ou, ring and talk to the Butterfly Foundation. You don't say whether it is over eating or an eating disorder, but they have some useful fact sheets, and are not judgemental.
Try and remember that people like you for who you are: not what you look like or the illness you may have. ÝOu are not defined by your illness, although it may feel like it.
Keep the lines of communication open with your mum. She will be just as worried and confused as you are. Ring Lifeine is you need to talk and let mum know she can ring too.
There are a lot of people out there who care and can offer to listen.
You are not alone.
Take care.
Stressed xx
I had to come back here Idon'tknowwhattodoI'mbrokenpleasehelpmeIcan'tlivelikethis I'm going insane. I'm getting worse. Much, much, worse. I'm not myself anymore, I can't remember the last time I was truly happy, I've been told to calm down but I'm not calmed up - I'm the opposite, I'm lifeless
Have you tried headspace or Kids Helpline yet?
KHL have phone & online counselling which you might find a little easier than face to face - or they can refer you to someone for face to face sessions too 🙂
Take care of yourself!
JD
Telling your friends and family can be great, and they can often tell when you're not feeling too great before even you can, which all helps you be more aware of your thoughts.
I've definitely had the "somebody just take me away on a floating cloud" type days, loads of times, and often I've felt embarrassed afterwards. You said you feel pathetic, but I think thats a bit harsh. Try to think of some other people you know, going through what you are going through... Do you think they would do any better than you are doing? Would you think they were pathetic? Or brave and courageous?
Quite often, just coping, and getting through something is all we can handle. And it is easier when we are not alone when we do this. But each time we go through an episode, it gets a little easier the next time around. Sure, sometimes the episodes can be worse, I can attest to that, but I know I will reach the other side, since I've done it before.
You have a good attitude towards overcoming your difficulties, you should hang on to that.
Hey pikapika,
Sorry to hear you are still stuck. I know what it's like. 😞 And I also know you have to give yourself a hand to get out of it. Or reach out to someone to help you. I don't want to repeat what's already been said by others, but I do think getting someone else involved to give you a hand would be good. See your doctor or try calling Kids help line? 1800 55 1800.
Good luck!
blithe
I hope you are feeling a bit better now and have got some help.
Thinking of you.
MM.
Hi -pikapika-,
Great job taking the step to post this here so you can get some support. I think it's a really brave step.
I'm hearing a bit of a message about not feeling comfortable in your own skin and needing to fix yourself. Firstly, I wanted to throw in something which might be a bit controversial. Maybe you don't need fixing? Some light tinkering maybe, but essentially you're still you, you're still a great person with a wonderful mind and personality, but sometimes depression and mental illnesses in general make us forget who we are.
I can relate to some of what you're going thought, when I'm at my worst I'm crying a lot, I start loosing interest in things (like school) and I feel awful about my general appearance. See I have huge body image issues and those get in the way of me being able to see myself as I really am, which is an intelligent person with a friendly disposition and positive nature. But when all I'm thinking about is how awful I look in my clothes, or how much I weigh or what I should be eating I'm too focused on the negatives to see the positives.
Something that's worked for me is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy with a psychologist. It's helped me to identify these negative thoughts and then chuck them out in favour of something more positive. For example, my negative thought might be 'I'm really ugly today', I identify that it's a falsehood and I say to myself, 'Actually maybe this isn't my best day but check out how bright your eye colour is!'. It can be really difficult identifying those negative thoughts, but when you can boy does is make you feel good!
I really encourage you to seek out some help. A great place to start is with your GP who can talk about the options with you. You don't need to feel the way you do and noone deserves to feel awful about the way they look, but it's really hard to pull yourself out of it without getting help from someone else. I sought help after suffering for a few years and it was the best thing I could have done!
Let us know how you go with getting some support!
Here are some fact sheets you might find interesting:
http://au.reachout.com/Wellbeing/Personal-Identity/Body-image
http://au.reachout.com/All-about-psychological-treatments
http://au.reachout.com/Therapy
Hi Pikapika!
I just wanted to second everything Alma said about understanding what you said about feeling bad about yourself and your body, and how CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) can really help to start overcoming those thoughts and getting them out of your head. Like a lot of people (I think!) I have no trouble telling my friends that they are wonderful and gorgeous, but I can have a real hard time seeing it myself. But learning a few tricks to catch myself when I put myself down did help. Now it's easier for me to say "No, not letting those bad feelings stop me from going out and having a life and having fun". And being able to get out and do things actually helps to banish bad thoughts - so they both help each other!
Good luck in your journey, and I hope the support and tips you get from Reach Out help! ❤️
blithe
Hey Pika, you took a huge step talking to your mum and looking into seeing a psychologist. Seriously, that took a lot of courage even if you don't feel it lead to anything helpful. Have you tried a Headspace Centre?
Headspace are a really great option if you're school counsellor isn't cutting it. You can check if there's a Headspace Centre near you here: http://www.headspace.org.au/headspace-centres
You may or may not need or get a diagnosis, but it's a really positive step to be sharing how you're feeling with a health professional because regardless of the diagnosis factor they'll be able to help you out.
I'm glad to hear that you've been opening up to your Mum, that is a great relationship to foster and it sounds like she was very open to hearing what you had to say and finding help. She sounds like a great support person you'll be able to rely on when times get tough.
One thing I regret is not having formed a better relationship with my parents when I was younger. Because of that I find it a lot harder to open up to them about what's happening with my health. Sometimes I wish that if I had've opened up earlier instead of hiding my feelings I'd be more able to speak to them now. So I hope you have the opportunities to get close with your mum!
I love this line "there are some things going on up there that shouldn't be ignored"! What a proactive step in the right direction. You should be so proud that you've been able to acknowledge this! Sometimes people take awhile to come to this realisation, I know I did. So yay you!
Let the community know when you've been able to connect to a psychologist in your area who can assist you to learn more about your mind.
hey pikapika, love the name btw
first may i just say, talk about da ja vu. I was/am going through pretty much the same thing not too long ago. And if it is anything like when this happened to me, coming on RO again was a really good idea. It may sound weird but just talking to new people in itself was a big part of my road to recovery, and you don’t have to stop here, go on chat forums online and get to know the regulars there, slowly but surly, it helps. Get to know a few people at first, then once your settled in somewhere, it will be everyone else's turn to get to know you, and while you're doing this, you may just find some people that are going through the same thing as you and you can learn what they did to help themselves
Another thing, the whole ''I don’t wanna go outside'' thing, as much as it sucks, actually doing things will help a lot, wether its going for a walk around the block once a day or joining a local sporting team, its worth a shot.
One thing to keep in mind is that depression wont always 'go away' but rather be buried down temporarily, there is always that chance of it coming back, but every time it does, you get better at getting better.
And if this hasn’t really helped, I also found the factsheets here where also quite helpful.
And don’t forget, that there are helplines available at all times there to help as much as they can such as:
Kids help line at - 1800 55 1800
And lifeline at - 13 11 14
Keep us up to date how things go and good luck 😃
-Transparent_fox
Like I said, this happened to me not too long ago, I know how it feels, so I try to help
I just hope what I said was useful
