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It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 3!)
I had to make a new thread it was too confusing to find the most recent posts after the update :'( and my old thread was a bit of a mess. This is a thread continuing on from parts 1&2 😛 and usually includes me venting about uni, pain, attachment issues, heavy thoughts, and ocd thoughts. And sometimes issues around family or friends. And for some reason sometimes we talk about sloths. Essentially it's one of those threads that we aren't technically encouraged to make because they go on and on and on but I find them helpful because we get to see where we've come from
[Also... I'll generally put a TW if I say anything that's potentially triggering]
Responding to @Taylor-RO from my old thread
Yeah, it is frustrating but more just makes me hopeless 😞 Catching up on uni did not go well, I have an essay due next week that I haven't started 😞 Thanks for the positive vibes 😛
Yeah 😞 I don't think she meant to be mean so that's one thing. That's okay, I hope you are able to get some rest ❤️ Sleeping is actually a good way to keep safe in my experience anyway 😅 Like it doesn't make stuff go away but like it physically keeps you safe for a little while I guess. Let us know if anything changes and you don't feel like you can stay safe though, okay?
I'm sorry you had to do the appointment on the phone and then slept through the other one. That does suck. And it sucks that your doctor said that. I can see why you would have wanted to do that on your way home. Sounds like it was a big day with one thing after another. How are you feeling now? Is there something nice you can do for yourself? I hope you are okay.
Thanks @MB95 I'm feeling okay ❤️ Hmm nice for myself.. maybe I could watch a movie or tv or something.
Surpise surprise my pain has been bad again. I've been spending a lot of time sleeping to avoid it. I decided I don't want to talk to anyone anymore so I cancelled my appointment with my psych and have been ignoring her calls. Eventually I emailed saying I need a break so it's okay now. My thoughts have been bad but when I think about acting them what stops me is that it wouldn't work and that my parents would be sad and angry. So I'm thinking of just waiting till everyone is gone so I don't hurt anyone. Which I hope is years from now cause I don't want my parents to die 😞 The other way I could deal with it is by thinking well this isn't real anyway but I'm not that sick enough anymore. Unless I stop taking my meds or something. So I'm stuck really not wanting to live but not being able to do anything about it and it's a shitty place to be in
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Thank you for letting us know how you are travelling. It sounds like things have taken a turn for the worse for you and you are struggling to find the motivation to move forward. I must commend you for your strength of will, even though you are suffering you are still here, helping support others.
You mention in your message that your lifelines to the world at the moment are your parents and the uncertainty of things. I would encourage you also to think of the loss the world would experience also without you in it. Without your amazing compassion, without your amazing insights and the fantastic supports you give others. You are a valuable person, worth cherishing and protecting.
I know it can be had to turn that compassion inwards sometimes, but what is something that you can do for yourself today that will make things a little easier for you?
What is something special that you can do that will make the world just a little less shitty today?
Thanks @Matt-RO ❤️ For some reason helping others helps me lol. Idk even if I was a 'valuable' person it wouldn't make a difference cause I'd still be in pain 😞 I'm not sure what I can do. Maybe I could watch some tv or something
I feel ya. Helping others, makes us feel effective, valuable, and wanted. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way when we help ourselves as it often requires a lot of vulnerability.
Chronic pain, whether emotional or physical (usually both are together…) is so hard to cope with. I don’t know if it’s comparable but I’ve had to deal with a lot of mobility injuries in my life, some requiring surgery and long bed stays, so trust me when I say I feel ya. Pain is awful, especially when we get into a comfortable groove and then it comes out of nowhere.
I think TV is a great idea, anything that you can really sink into to try and forget the world for a little while.
Yeah that's exactly what it is @Matt-RO It's like I just want to be effective at something 😅 I'm sorry to hear about the injuries you've had 😞 I think it does compare cause both involve not being able to do stuff you want to sometimes 😞 And yeah, TV is a good escape like that
Thank you for your kind words @Lost_Space_Explorer5 , ironically it worked out for the better, I try and keep super fit now to prevent further injury so sometimes awful experiences have good side effects.
What sort of shows have you been watching recently? 😀
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I haven't heard of those shows @Tulip_Starling, what are they about? 🙂
Sorry I haven't been around 💙
You're not wrong about it being a shit place to be stuck between not wanting to live but also not being able to do anything about it. Preaching to the choir here sister!
How have things been for you today? I am really sorry I wasn't around to help last night. I'm here now if you wanna chat though?
*Pre-warning, I'm an emotional bitch right now but am able to function slightly better tonight and will try my best* 🤦♀️ Just maybe don't expect my support to be sunshine and rainbows tonight.. maybe more sloth poop and raccoon spit? 😂 If we keep the expectations low then we should be able to do this 🤞
But seriously. I am here if you want to talk things out ❤ It sounds like you're in quite a lot of pain, both physically and emotionally, does that sound about right? Cause I'm feeling shut down mode coming on with the whole cancelling your psych appointment? I'm totally not buying the whole 'so it's okay now' line. Nope. You're gonna need a whole lot of whool to pull that one over my eyeballs sorry! Not happening. Obviously, boundaires, but I am here if you do wanna talk about it yeah? .. *mentions the word boundary to show she is trying really hard but persists with the questions anyway..* 🤦♀️.. Did your psych reply to your email? Just wondering how you're feeling if she did, or even if she didn't?
I haven't heard of umbrella academy, is it any good? What's it about? I'm watching Atypical atm 🥰 Love it so much! Remind me again.. I know Eden has seen it all, but have you? Sorry. Complete brain fogg 😔
I've also seen 5 feet apart, GREAT movie but do NOT watch it if you are emotional. It's extremely sad. Or maybe watch it in a time where you need to cry but can't? Cause it legit will bring on all the waterworks. Although it also references death, due to illness, not suicide, but still. Death is death so just be aware cause it is VERY sad. Well I found it sad anyway but I'm also quite the emotional wreck when it comes to that shit so yeah. Anywayyyy.
It really sounds painful to be sitting where you are right now and I'm sorry you're in this shit place. I'm sitting right here with you though. Got my imaginary mumma sloth arm around you 🦥💙 Although maybe not around you cause we both seem to not do well with hugs and people showing they actually care because that just isn't allowed in our rule book.. so I'll just sit here with my arms to myself, hands crossed in my lap looking like a doom and gloom sloth ready to attack if anyone shows a glimmer of hope or genuine care towards us 😂 But seriously, I am here and I'm really sorry things are so shit right now 💙
Also just want to side note something.. you ARE valuable!! Legit worth your weight and the world in gold ❤
You don't have to apologise @MB95 Idk what I'm gonna do when you're gone 😞 Why is everyone leaving 😢
Things have been okay today. Another day of doing absolutely nothing 🙃 I'd rather an emotional bitch than the emotionless bitch I am atm 😂 I don't care about anything atm. So my support on your thread tonight is not going to be the best. Maybe a bit robotic. So get prepared 😛
You know sloths only poop like once a week or something 🤣
No it is actually okay she said I could email back if I changed my mind 🙃 No it's actually fine I just wish I would snap out of this funk cause I'm not going to be able to be genuine with anything if I actually do want to study more or get a job.
Umbrella academy is good so far! 🙂 And it's not as bloody triggering as oitnb. Like seriously.
They had a girl try and off herself in a way that I've considered and made moves towards before and I'm sooo triggered and also really angry because the way she tried didn't even work so yeah I have regrets at watching that show. Umbrella academy is much less triggering and more mysterious 🖤
I haven't watched all of atypical but I've seen a few episodes, I will get around to watching it!
But you're not sitting with me, you're leaving :'(
Sorry you are feeling this way today @Lost_Space_Explorer5. Has it been a particularly hard day? Or is it just the ongoing impact that all of this has on you?
I have really enjoyed watching the Umbrella Academy too! I think it is a really great show.
Also, I had no idea about Sloths only pooping like, once a week! So I guess you do learn a new thing everyday 😊
Thanks @Courtney-RO It's just an ongoing thing I guess. It is a good show from what I've seen so far! 🙂 Yeah I watched a video about it once.. I think it was like on a nature show I didn't like deliberately look up sloth pooping 😂 At least I don't think I did.. They climb down to the ground to poop as well so are really vulnerable when it happens lol
This is the video actually! The sloth's face at the beginning of this video made me laugh lol. Also the way david attenborough says 'sloths' is hilarious
Aww such a cute video 😍 Thank you so much for sharing @Lost_Space_Explorer5 I think I love Sloths now, what interesting animals💜
Ahaha you might regret saying that Courtney! Lost might start hitting you up with random sloth facts and videos once I'm gone, look out! 😂 I honestly feel like this creature has become so damn famous on here that is should have it's own thread and be part of the RO logo ahahahaa Could you imagine?! 😂😂😂
And I think I might know now. Sorry! I am trying SUPER hard to keep my brain in safe mode but when my thoughts aren't entirely there it's a little hard sometimes so thank you for covering my ass and keeping thr community safe 😊💙
I want to cry. I literally just had the greatest reply novel and I've just lost the whole fucking thing 😭😭😭 I HATE this new set up! I'd totally lead a protest for the old RO 😂
So I'm really sorry dude. You're just gonna have to bare with me cause idk how much I have left in me tonight but I promise I'm not reading and ignoring. I tried 😭
Okay I'm really sorry but I'm just angry now because well any little thing is ticking me off and I wrote so much and I tried to even be funny but wasn't funny and thought we could laugh about me trying to be funny and then I talked about sloth poop again and how we all know you totally google that in your spare time and how that sloth face and how he says sloths made me laugh too and that I hope people are disturbed by our sloth dynamics cause not any old person can be bonded by attach-o-sloth and ugh I even had some really good mumma sloth advice to you about pushing away your psych and some shit about it not ending well or something and to only push little bits and not forever cause it fucks eveththing up and now I'm angry because I cant remember what I said and I was on a mumma sloth role and now I'm just sad and cranky!!! See, I told you anger would take over soon 😡😡😡
I also payed out on you paying out on me for leaving in a joking way of course but remaining you that if it was my choice I'd never be leaving and ugh this is making me so angry now so I'm just going to stop because I wrote to much and now it's all gone and I'm sorry this is such a shit reply now but this roller-coaster is about to crash and burn I think 😭 I tried. Most importantly I remember having a sentence in capitals saying.. BUT YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID!!!! And then I went into a mumma sloth rant so I'll save you from it all but I'm sorry this is shitty now. 😡
I'm so sorry to hear this @MB95, it is so frustrating when things like this happen! I can definitely understand the frustration when technology fails us. You spend so much time thinking of a response and then writing it all down, to have it all disappear on you. Hopefully tonight gets better from here 💜
Thanks Courtney, it's okay I'm just annoyed but I just played some games so am slowly coming down from my rage 😂 Just really frustrating cause I wrote so much and put a lot into it for lost seems I don't have much more time and anyway doesn't matter. Just know I had a half decent reply for you lost until good old anger took over 🤦♀️😂💙
Yes! I'll protest to that too! To get auto save for quick reply - might save a fee breakdowns and tantrums here and there 😂
I'm sorry you had to edit my reply. I don't even know what I said sorry but thank you 🤦♀️