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It feels like everyone is leaving me (Part 3!)
I had to make a new thread it was too confusing to find the most recent posts after the update :'( and my old thread was a bit of a mess. This is a thread continuing on from parts 1&2 😛 and usually includes me venting about uni, pain, attachment issues, heavy thoughts, and ocd thoughts. And sometimes issues around family or friends. And for some reason sometimes we talk about sloths. Essentially it's one of those threads that we aren't technically encouraged to make because they go on and on and on but I find them helpful because we get to see where we've come from
[Also... I'll generally put a TW if I say anything that's potentially triggering]
Responding to @Taylor-RO from my old thread
Yeah, it is frustrating but more just makes me hopeless 😞 Catching up on uni did not go well, I have an essay due next week that I haven't started 😞 Thanks for the positive vibes 😛
Hey @MB95, if you're trying your best there is no failure. In these times the failure comes from not honouring ourselves. It takes authenticity to acknowledge what is true to us in the moment. In our society it is common to frown upon being true to ones self in the purest form. Acceptance is also a way of surrendering to what we need and being kind to ourselves. That is a powerful space to be in and there is no failure when having the courage to making such a decision.
Thanks @MB95 I will respond tomorrow more fully
So I tried my best to fall asleep and it took ages and then I woke up a little while ago 🙃 I know I'm tired my eyes are tired but no matter how hard I try I can't fall back to sleep. My ocd thoughts are so bad atm for some reason and that's making it even harder to sleep and now I feel sick on top of that 😞 Sorry I'm posting so late I just needed to vent
Ugh I'm such an idiot 🤦♀️ I slept through an appointment I had cause I was all depressed about what the doctor said to me this morning. #$%*^!#@!$*^$# (this is me swearing lol)
Oh no! I'm so sorry @Lost_Space_Explorer5 !
Sleeping is important though - sometimes your body needs to rest 💙
Do you think you can reschedule your appointment?
Thanks @Emily-RO ❤️ I hope so but I feel so bad and stupid 😞 I had already rescheduled this appointment so that makes it even worse. And I so was late to my doctor's appointment this morning they had to call me and do the consultation over the phone and I was like 5 minutes away and was so frustrated with myself. And the doctor said well we could try this procedure but it would mean going into hospital and we can't do that because of lockdown so I could do an mri instead and I was like okay what if that doesn't show anything and she said she doesn't know what else she can do so another doctor has given up on me. I don't want to be in pain forever 😞
I was really upset on the way home I just wanted to end things
And then because I was so zoned out I'm pretty sure I was accidentally over the speed limit in a school zone so pretty sure I'm going to get fined now 🤦♀️ I've never gotten a fine before
Literally for the face to face appointment with the doctor this morning that was meant to be face to face I had to go get a covid test the other day just so I could go in so there was no point in that lmao it just gets worse 😂
Oh well
I'm so sorry @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ! 😔 It's so hard when we have to be our own case managers and organise all our appointments! It's times like this that I wish we could have a personal assistant that booked in everything for us haha
I think it's important to know that it's ok to miss things and take time for yourself. Other people will understand and you can always reschedule appointments 😊
Thank you for letting us know that you're safe. I'm wondering if it might help for your next appointment if you arrange for someone else to drive you home? 💙
Thanks @Emily-RO yeah it is really hard lol 😅 I told my mum about all the mistakes I made today and she was really invalidating 😞 I don't know about having someone else drive me home
I'm so sorry to hear that you you missed your appointment @Lost_Space_Explorer5 and then to open up to your mum about it and feel so invalidated, that sounds awful. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to open up to your mum in the first place. Is there something nice you can do for yourself tonight, to help you relax after such a stressful day?
Thanks @Courtney-RO ❤️ I'm not sure what I should do I made a maze for the forums that was fun (probably not so fun for anyone who tries to solve it though! :p) I think I will watch TV now
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 I just saw your maze, it looks like a lot of fun! I'll have to give it a go tomorrow. TV is always a great idea, I think you deserve it after working so hard today 😊
You made a maze? Man RO is so lucky to have you.
How are you feeling today? What did you end up watching on TV?
I did make a maze 🤣 On the cafe thread here (I feel like it could be very frustrating to try though)
I'm feeling okay I slept till 4pm or something cause I couldn't sleep last night. I think I just ended up playing games on my phone
Nice, I just saw it then. Might give it a try later if I'm up to it. Looks complicated! Did it take you a while to make?
Sorry you couldn't sleep. That sucks. Have you been doing much in the few hours you've been awake? Lol (I've done NOTHING all day).
It sounds like maybe you're not feeling so great? Anything on your mind you wanna talk about?
Lol yeah it took a little while 😛 No I haven't done anything today lol. I called my counsellor though. That was something. Maybe I will shower today and that will be an achievement 🙃
Aww that's awesome. Is this the one from KHL? Or your actual psych? Did you find talking to her helped at all? I'm proud of you 💙
Yeah the one from KHL. It was okay a little awkward to start. We talked about how I'm convinced 95% of people hate me 😅 And how I know it's illogical but emotionally I'm convinced cause I've got 'evidence' 😂
Sounds like a lovely topic of conversation lol That's so cool you can call up and talk to the same person each time! You don't have any evidence for me hating you do you? Cause there definitely isn't any to find and if you've managed to find some I'll be hella impressed and more than happy to shut it down! 😂
Ummm..... maybe lol. And yeah it is cool I can call up the same person each time 🙂
I hope you're getting some sleep and your brain is being nice!!!
We all love having you here and think you're a top mod!! 💙
Ugh mothers can be the worst sometimes hey? I'm sorry she didn't help to validated how you were feeling. I can only imagine that probably made you feel worse? A movie sounds good. I would watch one with you but I think I needd to just go to sleep because I am not good and not sure how else to keep myself safe tonight so I'm sorry. But maybe we can watch one together in the weekend?
You said you're feeling okay which I know is definitely not great. Are you feeling safe?