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Loneliness after a break up
I'm 22 now and for most of the teenage years and 20's, I've been very lonely with few friends, if at all.
Last November I met a girl I got along so well with online (on a dating thing for a community I'm part of) and we just clicked and became so close, and after a month she became my GF. I was so happy and felt so fulfilled to finally have someone that I was comfortable and get along so well with.
However, basically out of the blue 6 weeks ago she broke up with my via text message and then one week later is dating another guy and has told me that what she has now is better than what we had, that she doesn't consider what we had to be a relationship and that she was never sure about me and that she resents me.
I feel so lonely and sad to have lost what was my closest and most special friendship and relationship ever. I really have no close friends to talk to or see now and the void that was inside me before I met my GF is now back and bigger than ever.
Can anyone help?
Hey @cj123
I've been in that position before as well! It was my friend's engagement party and I didn't know anyone expect for my friend who was getting engaged. I spent some time standing on my own too. I also felt quite awkward. I ended up being on my phone for a bit which helped. Sometimes we have these kind of events. You're not alone! I can totally relate.
I feel totally exasperated now. I am just ready to give up. nothing helps and things just get worse.
Hey @cj123 I'm just catching up on your thread. I'm sorry to hear things feel this way at the moment. Please remember you're not alone and we are here to support and listen to you. Has something upsetting happened over the last few days? Did you end up going to see the counsellor?
Just I was messaging a lot of people from school and being invited to some events, but then people stopped replying to me and I just feel helpless and hopeless because of these events there are people I want to talk to, but they dont talk to me. I'm just constantly on the sidelines 😞
I'm sorry you've been going through a tough time 😞
Same with @Asche I can be really bad with responding sometimes I have to admit sometimes I forget to reply for a week and I have friends like that too. Do you think your friends might be like that too?
How are you feeling today?
Here for you!
I'm sorry everyone I didn't reply for along time, I had a lot going on and a lot has been changing but in the last few days maybe for the worst. But before then, I had been going ok and was moving on.
Basically, my ex seemed to change and become nicer and sent me a long text saying she thinks she has Borderline personality disorder, and it's so hard for her and that's probably why she acted the way she did. So I started talking to her and engaging with her more cause I was caring about her. (she's still with the new BF, but he is away on holiday...)
Then last night she messaged saying can she come over so I said yes and she came to me and we went out and played pool. I had a good time overall when playing, but it just seemed to have ignited the confusion in me all over again.
And honestly, many of the same issues with her behaviour are continuing, I thought because now she understands she has an issue that she would be different as she has insight. But some of the same issues continued, like she said we would get pizza after playing pool, but then after pool just took me straight home and said she would eat at home, and she was quite bossy and anxious when playing.
What should I do?
I dunno if I can talk in real life to people because it's private what she's going through. I dont want to tell anyone. And I'm not sure when I can go to the psychologist next because I'm having a surgery soon but I'm not sure exactly when I am so need to confirm before booking the psych appt. I will find out Thursday when I can have the surgery.
Hey there @cj123, definitely understand your concerns around privacy. When it comes to counsellors and counselling support services such as KHL, eHeadspace and others, they are bound by a code of ethics to keep that sort of stuff confidential. So it would be just between you and the counsellor. Would you give that a further go? How are you feeling about the surgery date coming up? Here to listen
I'm not too worried about the surgery, it's on Tuesday I found out today. I'm excited to get it over with because it's an issue that's been bothering me for almost the entire year and I feel like I'll be able to be more social and do more exercise etc. once I'm recovered.
I will make an appointment with the uni psychologist for two weeks time once I am recovered.
I'm feeling really terrible the last couple of days. I'm so lonely, have no friends, don't know who to turn to. My counselor is away until the 30th (I have an appt for the day she gets back), I don't want to call any phone lines cause I don't want to reexplain everything. It's Saturday night and I have no friends to go out with or see, and same for last few months. Losing hope and don't know where to turn.
Hi @cj123 sorry to hear you are feeling this way and thanks for reaching out it takes a lot of courage. I'm wondering if there's anyone at home you are able to talk to or if there are any activities you could do that you enjoy? Usually when I feel bored or lonely I like to put on some music or watch a movie. I can understand that it can be quite frustrating having to re-tell everything particularly when feeling down, however during our greatest times of struggle it's the one thing that can be really helpful. I would recommend reaching out to KHS or eHeadspace if you're struggling tonight, they provide a web chat option if you're not up for chatting on the phone. Self-care is also really important during this time, what are some ways you can look after yoursef tonight? We're always here to listen and support you
@cj123 Gee... Honestly, it definitely sounds like you dodged a bullet with her. That obviously doesn't invalidate your feelings of sadness at the relationship ending though 😞
Do you reckon you'd be better off if you simply blocked her number? It can be hard to take a step like that, but if she's sending you unwanted messages it might be best
Also regarding the uni work - are you able to chat to a counsellor at uni? They can help out with getting you extensions, deferred exams (depending how far behind you are) etc. and would also probably have some tips for dealing with loneliness and narcissistic people.
Here for you